Last weekend, Seattle's first-ever Faerie convention landed, most appropriately, at the Renaissance hotel. I know: You had no idea! And now you're weeping tiny FernGully™ tears because you missed out on a lobby's worth of horned whimsy and dyed animal pelts juxtaposed with super-practical advice like, "ESMERALDA, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY DO NOT PLAY ON THE ESCALATORS IN YOUR GOSSAMER GOWN?!!"
Overheard at FaerieCon 2012: "You look like a goddess!" "I'm not a goddess, I'm a faerie, and I'm not into guys who can't tell the difference."
No worries: We arrived just in time to catch the faerie costume competition—amaaazing!—and watch a woodland faerie pop his magical knee out of joint by prancing too hard (seriously). More Kelly O photos and *exclusive* faerie interviews with Cienna Madrid after the jump.
Jade the Unicorn, "Best Mythical Creature" costume winner: "I constructed my outfit out of a cherry blossom dress, wedding-dress appliques, and a hot glue gun. It took me about 20 hours," says the Whidbey Island resident. "I wanted to twist the bar, take a creature that was pure of heart and turn her into a sassy slut without showing up in a miniskirt. There's this misconception that unicorns will only go to those who are pure of heart and that's just not true—we're looking for love just like everyone else."
"A friend did this to my face with a fishnet stocking. I'm a water faerie, I think." Logan, reluctant water faerie, winner of "Best Shadow Dancer" costume.
"It's hard, as a unicorn, finding dates—especially guys that are taller than me," says Jade. "Tack on the horn and they get jealous."
"I wanted to be a hip, faerie raver cat that can pee standing up," says MadCat, winner of the "Most Edible" category. "Now I have to figure out which judge voted me 'most edible.' Meow!"
"I got bored with faeries," says Amberlina, the super slug with detachable slime trail. What makes her super? "I am immune to sodium and I can scoot at super speeds!" Her snail shell is made out of paper mache formed around a coiled pool noodle, chicken wire, and the top of a rotisserie chicken lid.
"Why didn't the lobsters share?" asks Dave, the court jester who can't sing or juggle or dance. "Because they're shellfish!" Dave also goes for bunny play (i.e. dressing up in bunny costumes and playing).
"I am a perky goth," says Rashe, the self-acclaimed resident goth of West Seattle who is not a faerie but supports the faerie movement. "I also make mailboxes into backpack-chairs. For fun."
Behold the power of a Sugarplum Faerie, Earth Goddess Faerie, and Evil Queen Faerie. "You need to have a fun, free, and open spirit in order to belong here," the faeries council us. "Alcohol helps, too. And shiny things. Did we mention alcohol?" (Faerie snack of choice: Burger and fries.)
PS. This is what the bathroom line at a faerie convention looks like.
"I'm a closet faerie," says a raverish closet faerie with cute apprentice in tow.
In the basement of the Renaissance, where faerie vendors are hawking their crystal-blitzed wares, a former male-stripper-turned-traveling-faerie-salesman corners us: "My dad always said, 'Moon, do you know what you'll never be able to do?'" says Moon, who is now in the business of selling lumbar-friendly faerie chairs while still maintaining a set of incredibly hairless abs. Give birth? We ask. Live under a mushroom? Make love to a centaur? Persuade us to invest in a $70 lumbar-friendly faerie chair? What?!! "Love people too much."