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News & ArtsMonday, February 6, 2012
Animals / Chow Man Bites Dog: "Needs More Salt"
Posted by Goldy on Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 9:12 AM
By now you've probably heard about the three mushroom pickers, who, after lost in the woods for six days, were so hungry they almost ate their dog:
Dan Conne said Sunday from his hospital bed in Gold Beach that he and his wife and son spent the nights huddled in a hollow log with nothing to eat, and considered sacrificing their pit bull, Jesse, for food.
"She's that good a dog, she'd have done it, too," Conne said.
Well, you know, nearly anything slow cooked with onions is delicious. But, it's not like they were entirely without food.
Dan Conne said he tried to eat a hedgehog mushroom while in the forest but found it "nasty."
So, um, they got lost in the woods collecting edible hedgehog and black trumpet mushrooms for resale, but rather than eat those to survive, they considered eating their dog, because they found the mushrooms too "nasty"...?
To be clear, they lacked the tools or skills to start a fire, but they'd rather eat dog sashimi over raw mushrooms.
1
the backstory: America is now so poor and third worldly, white folks are living in trailers in parks, hunting mushrooms for money for food and gas money, foraging like dispossed peasants. maybe we should reinstute feudalism, at least then their lord would be obliged to front them food during the winter months.
6
@1 Well, except when the lord didn't give them food and taxed them for the pennies they had or killed them for whatever.
And libertarians complain about this government!
And libertarians complain about this government!
7
@4: I think the "boy" was something like 25, but I agree with you on principle: I much prefer a story that ends with Fido fat and triumphant.
8
Mushrooms are basically calorie free. Yes they do contain some calories, but you're going to be eating an awful lot of them to get any meaningful energy. A cup of mushrooms might have 50 calories if you are lucky. I'm not sure how many raw mushrooms you could choke down, but even if you could some how get 4 cups down you're only looking at 200 calories.
10
I've been reading stories about Oregon mushroom pickers for years on end.
Most of the time they do eat their own mushrooms and end up having to have most of their stomachs removed.
Class A idiots.
12
Mushrooms raw are not really good for you. They need to be cooked or dried. One should avoid even the raw mushrooms at salad bars.
13
There has been a long-running pit bull argument about "bad dogs" vs, bad owners". In this case it's definately the owners. They are stupid as mud. No one should ever go into the woods without means to start a fire and a small supply of emergency rations.
14
@6: It reminds me of the "Where were you, God?" joke where he sent all manner of rescue ships while people were waiting for "God" to rescue them.
And seriously, those fuckers would've rather eaten their pet than their product?
@13: Truly. These are the people who probably mistreat and maltrain their dogs.
And seriously, those fuckers would've rather eaten their pet than their product?
@13: Truly. These are the people who probably mistreat and maltrain their dogs.
15
Like she would have a choice? What a fucking idiot.
@1,
True peasants wouldn't turn up their noses at "nasty" food.
"She's that good a dog, she'd have done it, too,"
Like she would have a choice? What a fucking idiot.
@1,
True peasants wouldn't turn up their noses at "nasty" food.
16
@13 - Clearly you are wrong and all of this is the dog's fault. This particular pit bull led the entire family astray in the forest and was just about to attack, maul, and kill its owners when they were miraculously found.
=:D
(Yes of course I'm joking!)
=:D
(Yes of course I'm joking!)
17
Also: "In the heat of the afternoon, they left their jackets at the end of a gravel road." In coastal Oregon. In winter.
These people's future outings should be limited to strip malls with off-street parking (and probably will be).
These people's future outings should be limited to strip malls with off-street parking (and probably will be).
21
In fairness, collecting wild mushrooms is scary as fuck, because so many of them will just straight-up kill you. I feel like they deserve at least the benefit of the doubt in that they probably thought "nasty" correlated with "deadly poison." I'd rather eat pit bull than unidentified mushrooms, so if they weren't really sure what they were doing, this is at least a little bit easier to understand.
22
@ 21
They were picking hedgehog mushrooms, which are very tasty when cooked, to sell.
Also there are only 3 different mushrooms on the west coast that will straight up kill you. There are plenty that can make you ill, but most mushrooms either taste like crap or have little taste at all. It's not that hard to learn to identify the ones that can kill you.
They were picking hedgehog mushrooms, which are very tasty when cooked, to sell.
Also there are only 3 different mushrooms on the west coast that will straight up kill you. There are plenty that can make you ill, but most mushrooms either taste like crap or have little taste at all. It's not that hard to learn to identify the ones that can kill you.
23
@22: "Also there are only 3 different mushrooms on the west coast that will straight up kill you."
Straight-up specious sounding.
I assume destroying your liver doesn't count as "straight up" death, but that's far more than making someone "ill".
Straight-up specious sounding.
I assume destroying your liver doesn't count as "straight up" death, but that's far more than making someone "ill".
25
@23
Some mushrooms can do more damage than make you ill, I stand corrected. I'm just saying that 90% of mushroom deaths come from eating mushrooms from the family Amanita, specifically the Death Angel and Death Cap. That statistic comes from Mushrooms Demystified by David Arora, a must have book for any would be mushroom hunter.
Some mushrooms can do more damage than make you ill, I stand corrected. I'm just saying that 90% of mushroom deaths come from eating mushrooms from the family Amanita, specifically the Death Angel and Death Cap. That statistic comes from Mushrooms Demystified by David Arora, a must have book for any would be mushroom hunter.
26
@22, I never said they sounded particularly bright, but I admit that I overlooked the fact that they were out there for mushrooms to begin with.
28
C'mon, they were never really going to eat their dog. It's like in the cartoons when someone is in a lifeboat and looks at the other person who turns into a giant cooked turkey. It's a moment of madness, understandable desperation where all options are considered. They obviously chose not to do it, so it becomes only a morbid point of humor they can relate.
Unless... they set out with two dogs.
Unless... they set out with two dogs.
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