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News & ArtsFriday, February 3, 2012
Savage Love A Note From Pissed Off Dyke
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Feb 3, 2012 at 12:19 PM
OMG!!! I HAVE A BILLION EMAILS!!!!!
Haha! Seriously everyone is so amazing and great! I have my own little private invisible army! Thank you so much, I feel so much better now! Things have kind of gone silent with the parents thing. My auntie's coming down tomorrow for the weekend and I'm not sure if it's gonna be a double team of them against me or just an excuse for them to go out and get locked! I'm hoping they just go on a bender and give me some space and I'll just read these emails and feel better about everything!—POD
We're all rooting for you, POD.
2
"Locked"? Sometimes I feel like I'm not a real American.
But yeah, POD, this is a big ol' world and you have a lot of potential allies. If things suck in the mudpuddle you call home, don't forget about your private invisible army.
But yeah, POD, this is a big ol' world and you have a lot of potential allies. If things suck in the mudpuddle you call home, don't forget about your private invisible army.
3
I totally sent her an email. Feels nice that in some tiny way I helped. :) (considering how difficult my parents have been making my life over the same issue for years now, it feels good to support someone else in a similar situation)
4
I know that flying out to Dublin's a bit much, but could you call this girl's family? If she's cool with it, that is.
5
I just sent her another email. I hope she has so many that she can't hope to slog her way through them all. I was never in her situation for so many reasons: I'm straight, my parents aren't religious, I went to an accepting high school, and my parents would have been accepting if I were a lesbian (as evidenced by their reaction to my sister when they thought she was and they were everything you'd hope parents would be when told). But I figure it can't hurt to hear something supportive from anyone and everyone when you're young and struggling.
6
Dan, you asshole! You made me cry on a Friday morning!
(Just kidding... what an awesome thing to do for POD)
(Not kidding about the crying thing though.)
(Just kidding... what an awesome thing to do for POD)
(Not kidding about the crying thing though.)
9
Yes! This is the reaction we were all hoping for (the billion emails, not the parents on a bender, although that could be helpful). Dan, you're a superhero. I'm glad you use your powers for good.
10
@4&8
She said,
"Thanks for offering to come if I lived in America though, I appreciate it. :) But it would probably make them angrier that I was airing their dirty laundry in public though!"
She said,
"Thanks for offering to come if I lived in America though, I appreciate it. :) But it would probably make them angrier that I was airing their dirty laundry in public though!"
11
O my stars what a week.
Marriage equality clears the State Senate, Komen reveals itself and Planned Parenthood is awash in new donations, JCPenney's gets all honey-badger on religious bigotry, and a 17-yr-old Dublin dyke is realizing that SHE IS SO NOT ALONE!!
Dammit now... enough with the tears at work... sheesh...... but
IT'S SO FANTASTIC WHEN THE GOOD GUYS WIN!!!
Marriage equality clears the State Senate, Komen reveals itself and Planned Parenthood is awash in new donations, JCPenney's gets all honey-badger on religious bigotry, and a 17-yr-old Dublin dyke is realizing that SHE IS SO NOT ALONE!!
Dammit now... enough with the tears at work... sheesh...... but
IT'S SO FANTASTIC WHEN THE GOOD GUYS WIN!!!
13
She's delightful to electronically converse with, I'm glad she's feeling uplifted.
A lovely perk of The Order of Flying Monkeys, too. A little compassion can generate a lot of encouragement.
A lovely perk of The Order of Flying Monkeys, too. A little compassion can generate a lot of encouragement.
14
That really improved my day. Thank you, Dan, for not forgetting to deal with the individual needs while you work on systemic change.
15
You can handle an auntie/parent double-team should one be sprung on you, Irish. Never forget that unless one of these know-it-alls gay, then they truly do not know what they are talking about, and in fact they can never really know, but that's OK. One hopes that they will stop being assholes in due time and then you can forgive them, and then one day when you have a hot girlfriend you might decide to bring her around to meet them, and you can all make fun of the English together (right? no? is that over now?) - a lesbian
17
@16: In the US in means cheering... "rooting for" and "cheering for" are the same. What does it mean in Australia...?
18
@16,
No idea about the meaning of the word "rooting" in Ireland, I do know what it means in Australia. I think Dan is saying that people are cheering for her, though.
No idea about the meaning of the word "rooting" in Ireland, I do know what it means in Australia. I think Dan is saying that people are cheering for her, though.
20
Some of my letter.
I don’t know if you want to hear from some 50 year old lesbian living in the States but I would like you to know that even parents can make surprising moves in the right direction.
I came out to my parents in 1983 – bajillions of years ago, I know, but her response was pretty much like your parents. My mother had a real flip out, got crazy, tried to get me to therapy, tried to cut me off, all sorts of things. I stayed as calm as I could, knew what my boundaries were and got lots of support from other gay people in my life. That is key, know what you are willing to let go past you like it never existed.
It really only took about 2 years before mom went from that state to going to a PFLAG meeting. She was the president of PFLAg in her local area for several years later and has spoken at Pride events as well. For me, this is all good. But the best was when she apologized to me for her initial reaction. That was priceless in my eyes.
You will be ok. Dan is right, it does get better. My mom was at my wedding and loves my wife and treats her just like her other daughters-inlaw. My mother inlaw is loveable as well and I consider myself very lucky that I live in a time where I could get married. I am attaching a link to a video of our rehearsal dinner for the wedding, where we were all wearing costumes. The old lady in the background behind my wife and I is my mom. The oddly costumed man in the green Swiss miss outfit is my stepfather. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oO3HthnnR…
My mother told me that if you need, she would be happy to talk to your parents. As would I, of course. Although some mad Americans talking to your parents could be a bad idea, right?
Take care. Welcome home to the family of the Gay. We are very happy to have you.
More...
I don’t know if you want to hear from some 50 year old lesbian living in the States but I would like you to know that even parents can make surprising moves in the right direction.
I came out to my parents in 1983 – bajillions of years ago, I know, but her response was pretty much like your parents. My mother had a real flip out, got crazy, tried to get me to therapy, tried to cut me off, all sorts of things. I stayed as calm as I could, knew what my boundaries were and got lots of support from other gay people in my life. That is key, know what you are willing to let go past you like it never existed.
It really only took about 2 years before mom went from that state to going to a PFLAG meeting. She was the president of PFLAg in her local area for several years later and has spoken at Pride events as well. For me, this is all good. But the best was when she apologized to me for her initial reaction. That was priceless in my eyes.
You will be ok. Dan is right, it does get better. My mom was at my wedding and loves my wife and treats her just like her other daughters-inlaw. My mother inlaw is loveable as well and I consider myself very lucky that I live in a time where I could get married. I am attaching a link to a video of our rehearsal dinner for the wedding, where we were all wearing costumes. The old lady in the background behind my wife and I is my mom. The oddly costumed man in the green Swiss miss outfit is my stepfather. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oO3HthnnR…
My mother told me that if you need, she would be happy to talk to your parents. As would I, of course. Although some mad Americans talking to your parents could be a bad idea, right?
Take care. Welcome home to the family of the Gay. We are very happy to have you.
22
Dan
Thanks for letting us do a good deed. POD seems like a good kid and she just needs to hear it. Her parents need to know she is growing up. Smothering doesn't work it just delays a life. POD has the gift of knowing herself and the confidence face it. I hope she has a bright future. It really does get better when a whole community can reach out halfway across the world and in real time. Pretty cool.
Thanks for letting us do a good deed. POD seems like a good kid and she just needs to hear it. Her parents need to know she is growing up. Smothering doesn't work it just delays a life. POD has the gift of knowing herself and the confidence face it. I hope she has a bright future. It really does get better when a whole community can reach out halfway across the world and in real time. Pretty cool.
24
Love this kid and her spirit. Weird to be proud of someone you don't even know, but I am so proud of this girl. I sent an email too . Here is to hoping Auntie is an ally!!
25
I wrote to her and she was very sweet. When she mentioned how many emails she'd been through already, I was surprised to see that she'd still read every word that I wrote and responded personally to it.
A thoughtful, aware young dyke who expresses herself well? Oh, the girls of Dublin are lucky to have her.
A thoughtful, aware young dyke who expresses herself well? Oh, the girls of Dublin are lucky to have her.
26
Root (Australia) = Boink (USA)
Barrack (Australia) = Root (USA)
In Australia, only the most zealous and mostly underage St. Kilda supporters root for their team.
Barrack (Australia) = Root (USA)
In Australia, only the most zealous and mostly underage St. Kilda supporters root for their team.
27
Note to POD's parents:
Hey mom and dad HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR KID TODAY? If you love your daughter then show her.
Hey mom and dad HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR KID TODAY? If you love your daughter then show her.
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