Submitted minutes ago to I, Anonymous:

You gave me the “drunk guy slice” of pizza: bloated dough bubbles, burnt dick cheese and a few gnarly slivers of mystery meat that probably rolled out of your sister’s pussy after you fucked her this morning. What’s wrong with your life, pizza-Nazi? Do you need a hug? These arms of mine can thaw the icicles off of a polar bear’s asshole. And don’t forget my sweet chin beard, dude. You ruined my whole night with your petty bullshit, do you know that?