Slog

News & Arts

Line Out

Music & the City
at Night

« Data Hogs | The Dream of the '90s Is Alive in C… »

Friday, January 27, 2012

News Morning News: Gatorade will Cure Your Gay (But Not Your Cat Hoarding)

Posted by Cienna Madrid on Fri, Jan 27, 2012 at 8:07 AM

The Circus Returns: Monty Python reuniting for a new science-fiction film project.

Romney Charity Supports Ex-Gay Therapy: Specifically, quack conversion groups that claim gay men can become more masculine “by drinking Gatorade and calling their friends ‘dude.’”

Speaking of Totally UnGay: Romney spanked Gingrich during last night's debate, although polls still show them in a dead heat ahead of Florida's primary.

Cat Hoarder Arrested for Hoarding Cats: Out-of-town man was arrested in Auburn for stashing 73 (live) cats and one dog in a trailer because he couldn't stand to leave them alone, at home, while he visited his girlfriend. The animals are thirsty but otherwise fine.

Declared Competent to Stand Trial: Louis Chen, the man charged with fatally stabbing his partner and young son last August in their First Hill apartment.

Gas Fight with Guns: Two men were shot last night after an argument erupted at a Safeway gas station; the shooter remains at large.

Washington's 1st Congressional Seat: In case you missed it, the Metropolitan Democratic Club held a candidate forum for 1st Congressional seat hopefuls last night; intrepid blogger Goldy reports on how awesome Darcy Burner is.

Growth Spurt: The US economy expanded at a rate of 2.8 percent in the fourth quarter of 2011—a nice bump in GDP that nevertheless fell short of analysts three percent predictions.

Hilary Clinton Is Tired: The US Secretary of State says she's going to step down from her position if Obama is re-elected because she is fatigued, as evidenced by the juvenile headbands and albino-spider hairpieces (pictured) she's been wearing of late. Girl just doesn't Give. a. Fuck.

And finally, in honor of Monty Python, please enjoy the miracle of birth:

Comments (33) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Can the video be put behind a cut? That is not a particularly work-friendly thumbnail.

Is making that request inherently misogynistic?

Posted by Zebes

on January 27, 2012 at 8:12 AM

ugh. after watching that, it's clear why we still tow the line about birth being some beautiful miracle bullshit... because if people actually knew that horror show going into it, our species would have gone extinct long ago.

Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on January 27, 2012 at 8:18 AM

@1 No. God, no. I have one of those that did that two-and-a-half times and I don't want to see that this early in the morning - at work, btw - either. Put it after a jump or something, please.

Posted by Allyn on January 27, 2012 at 8:20 AM

@1 - Misogynist.

@3 - Self-hating.

More stretched-out vagina nightmares, please.

Posted by MacCrocodile on January 27, 2012 at 8:22 AM

That video will cure your straight.

And before anyone tries to remind me that I was born that way, well, I wasn't. C-section, thanks.

Posted by Subdued Excitement on January 27, 2012 at 8:26 AM

Jaysus, could you hide that please? I'm not squeamish, but that is a head coming out of a cunt there. Plus, there's no way to make the video run backwards.

Posted by --MC on January 27, 2012 at 8:26 AM

D U D E, N O T C O O L !!!!!!!!

Posted by ryanayr on January 27, 2012 at 8:28 AM

Calling other guys dude totally works btw. Sometimes when while I'm sucking dick I say “dude shoot all over my face” afterwards I feel sooooo much straighter.

Posted by Chef Thunder on January 27, 2012 at 8:29 AM

I knew all the comments would be about the video. (And now this one is, too. Isn't that what all the kids call "meta"?) Squeamish people...

Posted by Matt from Denver on January 27, 2012 at 8:29 AM

Thank you for the morning funny, --MC! I spewed coffee out all over my keyboard. And there's no way to make that run backwards, either!

Posted by Dr_Awesome on January 27, 2012 at 8:30 AM

I have a vagina. I have pushed a human being out of that vagina. I've worked as a medical interpreter and said, "Respire profundo y empuje" many, many times as other women have pushed other human beings out of their vaginas. And I have this to say about that still image: MY EYES! DEAR GOD! MY EYES!

Posted by TVDinner

on January 27, 2012 at 8:30 AM

@4

Right. Coz it's "beautiful."

Fucking HIDE the head coming out of the hatchet wound, PLEASE. Some of us are (were) eating breakfast.

Posted by Confluence on January 27, 2012 at 8:32 AM

@8 - http://youtu.be/MeBNKCBZCcA?t=1m15s

Posted by ryanayr on January 27, 2012 at 8:33 AM

#10, thank you. And THANKS, Cienna, for hiding the image, now I can read Slog at work with less discomfort.
Now we can get down to the business of quoting that Python routine. "What do I do?" "Yes?" "What do I do?" "Nothing, dear, you're not qualified!"

Posted by --MC on January 27, 2012 at 8:36 AM

Is this a trend? Will Kelly O's lunchtime quickie today be caesarian salad?

Posted by gloomy gus on January 27, 2012 at 8:37 AM

Thank you, Cienna.

Posted by Zebes

on January 27, 2012 at 8:38 AM

@6 When we watched a childbirth video in junior high health class, the teacher rewound the tape so we could see it again. The image of the baby coming out, plunging back in feet first and coming out a second time, in slow motion, is still seared into my brain.

...and of course this is posted the day before my sister is due to have my little niece.

Posted by Subdued Excitement on January 27, 2012 at 8:41 AM

Cienna, I so adore you. For a tousand reasons.

Posted by Allyn on January 27, 2012 at 8:42 AM

You need a warning before the jump that if you click "Continue Reading" you will be slapped awake by a child being evacuated from a vagina. Dude, not cool.

Posted by echochamber on January 27, 2012 at 8:48 AM

Gatorade. Gator. Like Florida Gators. Like alligator.

Posted by Bohica on January 27, 2012 at 9:03 AM

@1 Yes. Stop drinking the gatorade & calling everyone 'dude.'

Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on January 27, 2012 at 9:09 AM

The headline still says "Gaterade". It's "Gatorade". And yes, you can become straight by drinking lots of super-sweet sugary drinks.

Fun fact: you know most athletes on the field replaced their Gatorade-branded bottles and tubs with plain water, right? Because when you're dehydrated from extreme exertion anything other than plain water will make you puke. Maybe after the game with the sugar water.

Posted by Fnarf

on January 27, 2012 at 9:21 AM

It's interesting to ponder whether Romney will try to wear the LGBT-friendly hat after (if) he wins the nomination.

Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on January 27, 2012 at 9:24 AM

Many years ago I was overseeing a med student who was participating in his first delivery. He did fine during the delivery of the baby, but I had to caution him that saying "What the fuck is that?" as the placenta was delivered was really not comforting or reassuring to the patient. I also had a new dad who was watching the delivery of his first baby and nearly fainted when he saw the cord emerge. The moron thought it was his kid's intestines falling out.

Posted by Mrs. Robinson on January 27, 2012 at 9:40 AM

@21 Sorry, broham.

Posted by Zebes

on January 27, 2012 at 9:47 AM

Christ, yes, please warn people that it's an actual birth, not Monty Python clip. This type of video is EXACTLY the reason I'm 35, have never been pregnant and, in fact, get squeamish or nauseous whenever I see a woman visibly pregnant.

Posted by S-Lo on January 27, 2012 at 10:03 AM

@22,

It's pretty obviously not Gatorade when they pour some of it over their heads, unless there's such a thing as clear Gatorade and those guys don't mind being sticky for the rest of the game.

Posted by keshmeshi on January 27, 2012 at 11:32 AM

But how? How do gay women like me turn straight? What do straight girls drink? What do straight girls call their friends?

Sexist, that what this is...I'm outraged!

Posted by ArtBasketSara on January 27, 2012 at 12:11 PM

@24 I suppose after watching many births it's all pretty blaze'. But if I was a new father for the first time and watched this, I probably would have fainted. And it looks painful for the baby, too. Something I never considered before.

Posted by Vince on January 27, 2012 at 1:35 PM

oh dear. i guess at this point i really should be unimpressed by the shocking idiocy of these "ex-gay" weirdos, but damn it if that sentence doesnt deserve at least an honorable mention in the crazy/moron hall of fame.

and @8 i seriously am crying tears of laughter

Posted by littleredridingindahood on January 27, 2012 at 1:42 PM

My god, that is beautiful. Birth is a miracle. The ONLY miracle. I could watch that a thousand times. New life! A brand new person and and oh words fail me. Let's watch again.

Can you post it again tomorrow? Post it again, please! Please?

Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on January 27, 2012 at 8:51 PM

Comment 1:
What happens when women drink a lot of Gatorade? Dumb so-called experts.
Comment 2:
Never really wanted to have a bébé, but I found the video fascinating. Yay me.

Posted by Helenka (also a Canuck) on January 27, 2012 at 9:38 PM