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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Health / 2012 The 2012 Republican Primaries Have Destroyed Paul Constant's Brain

Posted by on Tue, Jan 24, 2012 at 4:48 PM

I looked up just now when I noticed a bothersome sound. It was the constant clicking of a mouse (left button). Immediately after, Brendan, who sits between Paul and I, asked Paul if he was "trying to freak himself out." On Paul's monitor was a picture of Newt Gingrich, held in the browser. Paul just kept clicking on it, over and over, enlarging it and then shrinking it with the magnifying glass tool. It was oddly mesmerizing. "I'm thinking," was all he said in response to Brendan's question.

UPDATE: 5:12 pm Paul just lept out of his chair and began jumping up and down, clapping and yelling "HERMAN CAIN, HERMAN CAIN!"

 

Comments (15) RSS

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Zebes 1
I like to imagine zooming in and out and in and out and in and out on Newt's face is a simulation of what it would be like to headbutt him repeatedly.
Posted by Zebes http://www.badrap.org/rescue/index.html on January 24, 2012 at 4:53 PM
Paul Constant 2
You tell me this isn't mesmerizing.
Posted by Paul Constant http://paulconstant.tumblr.com/ on January 24, 2012 at 4:57 PM
aardvark 3
It's only January. I want more state of Constant status updates. How the fuck anyone can endure that amount of uhmurican politics is .. disturbing.
Posted by aardvark on January 24, 2012 at 4:59 PM
4
Damn it, now all I can picture is Paul Constant with six browsers open during a liveSLOG, frantically typing five aliases worth of response to his own commentary...
Posted by robotslave on January 24, 2012 at 5:08 PM
5
If I had to follow the Republican race *closely*, I would have found myself in a jacket that laces up the back a couple of months ago, if not earlier.
Posted by MLM on January 24, 2012 at 5:16 PM
Fifty-Two-Eighty 6
Wait - Paul has a brain? I don't think so.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on January 24, 2012 at 5:21 PM
bedipped 7
You can't minimize the expanding universe that is Newt's yeasty head-ego. Attempts to contain it will only make it bubbly and volatile.
Posted by bedipped on January 24, 2012 at 5:21 PM
treacle 8
As the Church of the Subgenius pointed out years ago, watching the decline of our empire/civilization is in fact enough to drive one insane. Paul is clearly taking the fast road: American media politics.

God forbid he actually get into investigating the unspoken realpolitik of our foreign policy. Good lord.
Posted by treacle on January 24, 2012 at 5:52 PM
kim in portland 9
It sounds like Mr. Stay Puft has gotten to Paul today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-sALU_hv…
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on January 24, 2012 at 6:02 PM
the idiot formerly known as kk 10
"between Paul and I"? ouch.
Posted by the idiot formerly known as kk on January 24, 2012 at 8:42 PM
venomlash 11
Somewhere in the offices of The Stranger, there is a baking pan that until recently held some pot brownies...
Posted by venomlash on January 24, 2012 at 9:08 PM
12
..."sits between Paul and ME." ME ME ME!
Before you children become serious journalists, you will need to learn the objective case.
Thank you.
Posted by crone on January 24, 2012 at 9:19 PM
13
He's like a younger, more perverted Marshak.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQQsBjOrN…
Posted by j.lee on January 24, 2012 at 11:37 PM
Idaho Spud 14
Oh my!
Posted by Idaho Spud on January 25, 2012 at 12:13 AM
NaFun 15
@2 - It totally is. Damn you. *epileptic fit*
Posted by NaFun http://www.dancesafe.org on January 25, 2012 at 11:36 AM

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