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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

News Morning News: Successful Alcoholics, Cat Killers, and Mitt Romney

Posted by Cienna Madrid on Tue, Jan 24, 2012 at 7:30 AM

Don't Count Your Gay Marriages Before They Hatch: In case you missed it, yesterday legislators secured enough votes to pass a marriage equality bill in Washington, while bigots are already shaking their fists at the sky and vowing to get the measure overturned by referendum.

The War on Sanctified Straight Marriage Continues: Katy Perry has unfollowed future-ex-husband Russell Brand on Twitter and Aretha Franklin has called off her wedding, undoubtedly squeezed out by greedy gays trying to hog up all the marriage.

"Persons of Interest" Identified in Danny Vega Beating: Police have identified three "persons of interest" in the fatal November beating of south Seattle salon owner Danny Vega. "Police documents show multiple calls were made from Vega's stolen cell phone to residences connected to the persons of interest," reports Komo.

It Pays to House Homeless Alcoholics: A two-year UW study proves that residents of 1811 Eastlake—a controversial "wet house" for chronically homeless alcoholics—drink half the amount per day they were imbibing on the streets, on average. What's more, "housing homeless alcoholics cut the cost to taxpayers for police, medical and social services by 50 percent," reports King5.

600 Million New Jobs: That's how many the UN says we need to tackle world unemployment.

Sick Fucks in Arkansas: Last night, a Democrat congressional campaign manager in Arkansas came home to find his family cat murdered on his front porch with the word "LIBERAL" written on its side. (Note: Don't click the link if you don't want to see what a murdered cat looks like.)

India Is Mad at Jay Leno: But no one in America seems to care.

Mitt Romney's Money Vacations Better Than You: Romney's newly-released tax forms show that his income mostly comes from "investments" rather than "real work." If I understand correctly, that means his money goes and humps other money to make more money, which then languishes in bank accounts in Switzerland, Bermuda, and the Cayman Islands. In other news, my urge to beat Romney with a club only grows stronger.

Are You My ~~Mother~~ Third Cousin? DNA-testing companies are helping adoptees trace their genealogies and track down distant relatives, while critics caution that companies might be capitalizing on emotionally fragile adults seeking any connection with "family," however tenuous.

And finally, the surprising adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar:

Comments (28) RSS

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But if we provide a free ride for all street alcoholics, everyone will become a street alcoholic!!! Plus, if they're hidden away, that doesn't allow us to exercise our puritanical sense of judgement when we see them!!!

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay

on January 24, 2012 at 7:40 AM

You should put a disclaimer for that link to the murdered cat story. I really didn't want to see a picture of the poor thing..

Posted by pistolkitten on January 24, 2012 at 7:42 AM

@1 I admit, I was wrong. I thought street alcoholics would be coming here from area cities.
And I would like to thank the police for nabbing the alleged killers of Danny Vega.
And starting the day with Brit humor is a good thing. A very good thing.

Posted by Vince on January 24, 2012 at 7:52 AM

@ 2, thanks for that. Not that I really wanted to read it in the first place, but they posted a fucking PICTURE? I'm sorry you had to see it.

See, people who hate cats suck. This proves it beyond all doubt.

Posted by Matt from Denver on January 24, 2012 at 8:14 AM

yeah i didn't want to see that pic of cat either.

Posted by onion on January 24, 2012 at 8:20 AM

As a small time investor, the money I risk is real money Marley. And if I make a profit, that money is real also. If there is a lower capital gains rate on derivative income based on previously taxed investments, I don’t see why folks are in such a fuss over it. Investors should be rewarded for taking risks. You wouldn’t mind Dan Savage or me taking advantage of it, so you shouldn’t mind Romney taking advantage of it.

Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on January 24, 2012 at 8:21 AM

You know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on January 24, 2012 at 8:29 AM

@4 - actually I think the person responsible was the Venn diagram 3-way intersection of people who hate cats and people who hate liberals and people who are completely psychopathic.

Seriously, fuck Arkansas. I am boycotting. No more trips to Hot Springs.

Posted by ryanayr on January 24, 2012 at 8:29 AM

@6 -- "Investors should be rewarded for taking risks".

You are high as fuck.

Posted by SweetDarkLord on January 24, 2012 at 8:49 AM

@ 6, that capital gain is your reward. Now, pay your fair share of it, you greedy fuck.

(Um, BTW, where did anyone mentions the capital gains tax, anyway? Were you setting up a straw man?)

Posted by Matt from Denver on January 24, 2012 at 8:59 AM

Let me guess Mr. Vega's murderers were members of one of our 'vulnerable communities'?

You missed this one. Talk about living the stereotype….apparently Vega's murderers were so stupid they used his mobile phone to call their homeys plus this classic:

"Police documents show that one of the calls he allegedly made from Vega's stolen cell phone was to the Department of Social and Health Services updating his address."

"Where's ma check muthafukkers??!!"

Posted by Billy Goat on January 24, 2012 at 9:18 AM

@9: Then so is everyone in the stock market.
@10: I don’t pay that rate. I wish I had the need to though. My error on confusing it with cap gains. But if it's legal and you don't like it, then work to change it. But don't go slamming folks who follow the rules and pay no more than what is legally required. I'm sure you do the same.

Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on January 24, 2012 at 9:24 AM

This story in the local news particularly irritated me:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/avantgo…

What's sad besides the ripoff itself was that ST columnist Jerry Large gave Townsend and Senior Services a positive profile just a few years ago:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/je…

Bloody sad. Stealing from an agency that serves senior citizens who have few recourses is contemptable. Townsend & Wheeler must be held in account.

Posted by lark on January 24, 2012 at 9:48 AM

Just remember that cat photo the next time some false equivalency nitwit trots out the "radicals from both sides are dangerous" crap.

Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on January 24, 2012 at 9:51 AM

Something is wrong when we have to hide nudity and provide warning (NSFW, etc.) but violence is and loss of life is just fine (e.g. brutalized cat)...

My long way of saying that I really appreciate the warning on the cat!! (Sorry poor commentor 2 had to view it tho)

Posted by subwlf on January 24, 2012 at 9:55 AM

When did Glenn Close move to Arkansas.

Also, when did we start sending our humorless indignation jobs to India? There are plenty of shrill moral conservatives here that are out of work!

Posted by TheMisanthrope on January 24, 2012 at 9:59 AM

I've granted you a plenary indulgence for the Mitchell and Webb Look clip. Sir Digby Chicken Caesar is a fellow whom not even our drunk housing could tame.

Posted by gloomy gus on January 24, 2012 at 10:35 AM

There also needs to be some form of staffed Meth House.

Posted by aardvark on January 24, 2012 at 10:57 AM

Good thing Katy Perry wasn't gay married or the divorce would be difficult.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on January 24, 2012 at 10:57 AM

Hell, I'd pay a testing company to alter my DNA, therefore masking any connection to my 3rd (2nd & 1st) cousins.

Posted by zombie eyes on January 24, 2012 at 11:15 AM

@12,

They're well within their rights to slam you for being a whiny fuck.

Posted by keshmeshi on January 24, 2012 at 11:36 AM

IF we bothered to care, we would all be mad at Jay Leno all the time.

Posted by beelzebufo on January 24, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar! You've made my day, Cienna!

Posted by Soupytwist

on January 24, 2012 at 12:09 PM

SIR DIGBY CHICKEN CAESAR/MITCHELL&WEBB ARE THE BEST. Sir Digby and Cheezoid.

Posted by sarahlloyd on January 24, 2012 at 3:04 PM

Seeing a fake dead cat in The Good Heart was enough to put me into a rage at the idea someone could be that mindlessly cruel. Knowing someone could actually murder an animal over political differences... I deeply appreciate the warning.

Posted by Knat on January 24, 2012 at 3:37 PM

Hey India! Join the club.

Posted by McGee on January 24, 2012 at 6:21 PM

@7 It figures a mediocre shit-heel like you would quote George Thorogood.

Posted by McGee on January 24, 2012 at 6:22 PM

Anyone notice that the title of the article about 1811 Eastlake on king5.com is different than the title that pops up when you link to it? I posted this on the king5 facebook page. They removed it.

Whomever edits the titles of the links to articles from the king five website is either incompetent or a disingenuous hack. Erik Wilkinson's Jan 23 story is titled "UW Study: Homeless alcoholics in special housing drink less, cost public less" on the website.

however the link is titled

http://www.king5.com/news/cities/seattle…

When this story gets shared on places like, say, Facebook, the title that gets posted is "Seattle street drunks living rent free drink less, UW study shows". Aside from the offensive use of the pejorative "street drunks" the reference to "Wet" housing as "living rent free", although factually correct, is misleading in that it implies that the financial cost to the community is a net loss. This is not in fact the case, as the ACTUAL TITLE of the article clearly states.

Posted by gdcv on January 24, 2012 at 9:19 PM