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News & ArtsFriday, January 20, 2012
2012 / Sex Chaz v. Swingrich
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Jan 20, 2012 at 10:53 AM
The same Fox News douchebag who said that we shouldn't let our kids watch Chaz Bono on Dancing With the Stars for eight weeks because that would make our kids want to have "their breasts removed [and] penises amputated" doesn't see any problem with Newt Gingrich sitting in the White House for eight years—hell, all of Newt's cheating and fucking around is evidence that he'll be a great president:
When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.... [And] two women—Mr. Gingrich’s first two wives—have sat down with him while he delivered to them incredibly painful truths: that he no longer loved them as he did before, that he had fallen in love with other women and that he needed to follow his heart, despite the great price he would pay financially and the risk he would be taking with his reputation. Conclusion: I can only hope Mr. Gingrich will be as direct and unsparing with the Congress, the American people and our allies. If this nation must now move with conviction in the direction of its heart, Newt Gingrich is obviously no stranger to that journey.
I'm going to go throw up now.
3
That's definitely the kind of President: when the going gets tough, quit and move on. How much do you want to bet that President Newt would one day announce, in the midst of the next recession, that he'd been secretly governing another country for years, and that it was time for him to move on?
5
gosh danny we don't want to burst your head wide open with something as powerful as The Truth but that guy isn't a "Fox News douchebag"; he is a guy whose opinion pieces are sometimes featured on the Fox News web site.
don't feel bad, though.
Journalism is hard and shit.
it would probably take someone with some background in the business, say an editorial director, or at least someone who had read a newspaper or two to grasp the difference.....
don't feel bad, though.
Journalism is hard and shit.
it would probably take someone with some background in the business, say an editorial director, or at least someone who had read a newspaper or two to grasp the difference.....
6
My fellow Americans, I have loved you for a great many years. We’ve had good times and bad. I’ve been loyal to my beloved country for a long time.
Lately, however, I’ve also fallen in love with someone else. I’m sure you can see how we’ve grown apart lately and, well, a man must follow his heart. I think I can still be your president. Let’s open this relationship. I will still be your president and you my country, but I’d like to still see France on a regular basis. France has… qualities that, well let’s be honest… are quite… that is to say, France is able to… well, I won’t get into specifics…
I know you’re having health problems, America, but I can’t put my life on hold just because you’re hemorrhaging… jobs to China. I know you’ve been down lately. Maybe that’s just because you know you can never measure up to France. Look: I love you but I just can’t be with you anymore. I know you love me, for God’s sake you elected me last year, but if you’re not willing to share me I’m afraid it’s over.
You can keep the house, but the gold is mine.
Lately, however, I’ve also fallen in love with someone else. I’m sure you can see how we’ve grown apart lately and, well, a man must follow his heart. I think I can still be your president. Let’s open this relationship. I will still be your president and you my country, but I’d like to still see France on a regular basis. France has… qualities that, well let’s be honest… are quite… that is to say, France is able to… well, I won’t get into specifics…
I know you’re having health problems, America, but I can’t put my life on hold just because you’re hemorrhaging… jobs to China. I know you’ve been down lately. Maybe that’s just because you know you can never measure up to France. Look: I love you but I just can’t be with you anymore. I know you love me, for God’s sake you elected me last year, but if you’re not willing to share me I’m afraid it’s over.
You can keep the house, but the gold is mine.
7
Wow... so confusing. I thought *Chaz Bono* had said that about Gingrich and that was a NO WAY OMG WTF.
Makes more sense now.
Makes more sense now.
9
It's simple, really. It boils down to "Anybody But Obama." That's the only thing these idiots can see clearly right now.
11
@9 is spot-on. If video evidence came out tomorrow proving unequivocally that Gingrich had siphoned hundreds of thousands of dollars from his campaign account to pay to fellate dogs dressed in little Nazi uniforms, the mouth-breathers on the Right would still prefer him over a Black man.
12
The head spins. But then one remembers: THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING EVIL LYING SCUM. Then the head settles back on the neck.
13
Well, the writer IS a doctor..and used terms like "psychological data" and "coldly analytical". AND he had like proof and a conclusion and stuff...so...
Fact: Newt is going to be THE greatest president ever!
Fact: Newt is going to be THE greatest president ever!
14
my my, especially considering that Gingrich was the one who 'reportedly' said that blowjobs aren't sex, as the Village Voice reported in '98 http://www.villagevoice.com/1998-02-10/n…
15
Normally when I archive an Internet nugget for future reference, I use some edited version of the article title as the document name.
This one? HAHAHAHAHA.pdf
This one? HAHAHAHAHA.pdf
16
Dr. Keith Ablow...
From wikipedia: As of 2007, he had three tattoos, including one on his right thigh depicting hands prying open a human head.
This is the same Fox News asshole who kicked off the whole shitstorm over the cute J.Crew ad showing Jenna Lyons painting her son's toenails pink.
From wikipedia: As of 2007, he had three tattoos, including one on his right thigh depicting hands prying open a human head.
This is the same Fox News asshole who kicked off the whole shitstorm over the cute J.Crew ad showing Jenna Lyons painting her son's toenails pink.
18
The Newt lover, not a Fox News douchebag but "a guy whose opinion pieces are sometimes featured on the Fox News web site"?
Are you kidding me? Same difference, just not the same frequency.
But after sucking Newt off, I'll bet he gets more regular douchebag status.
Are you kidding me? Same difference, just not the same frequency.
But after sucking Newt off, I'll bet he gets more regular douchebag status.
22
@6 ROFL. Brilliant!
And French people I've "known," both sexes, have all given great head. Does France teach deep throating in school?
And French people I've "known," both sexes, have all given great head. Does France teach deep throating in school?
26
Wow. That is some world-class rationalizing and hypocrisy.
Somehow, it brings to mind Sullivan's Moore Award. Perhaps Dan should institute a similarly dubious accolade, the Ablow Award, for distinguished achievement in...whatever it is that Ablow is good at.
Somehow, it brings to mind Sullivan's Moore Award. Perhaps Dan should institute a similarly dubious accolade, the Ablow Award, for distinguished achievement in...whatever it is that Ablow is good at.
27
Ugh.
I hope you rinsed well and spit afterwards.
But, hey, they'll spin it so well, it'll last longer than SFX of earth in a SF movie.
Though, come to think of it, isn't the earth usually moving backward in time? Yeah, and so are these jokers.
I hope you rinsed well and spit afterwards.
But, hey, they'll spin it so well, it'll last longer than SFX of earth in a SF movie.
Though, come to think of it, isn't the earth usually moving backward in time? Yeah, and so are these jokers.
28
This reminds me of the commentator in the movie version of V for Vendetta. Same alarms going off in my brain.
33
Republican Party? Independent voter here. You gave us Abraham Lincoln, U.S. Grant and the reconstruction amendments. You gave us trust-busting Teddy Roosevelt. You gave us General Dwight Eisenhower. Love all those, and I have greatly loved you.
But now, I have to deliver to you an incredibly painful truth. Nixon? The Southern Strategy? Reagan? George W. Bush? And now this incredible slate of bigoted, hypocritical, lying gasbags you offer us? Sorry, but I no longer love you as I did before. I've fallen in love with another party, and I need to follow my heart, despite the great price I will surely pay financially and the risk I will be taking with my reputation.
Good luck with that terminable disease you seem to have contracted.
But now, I have to deliver to you an incredibly painful truth. Nixon? The Southern Strategy? Reagan? George W. Bush? And now this incredible slate of bigoted, hypocritical, lying gasbags you offer us? Sorry, but I no longer love you as I did before. I've fallen in love with another party, and I need to follow my heart, despite the great price I will surely pay financially and the risk I will be taking with my reputation.
Good luck with that terminable disease you seem to have contracted.
34
"Mr. Gingrich’s first two wives—have sat down with him while he delivered to them incredibly painful truths: that he no longer loved them as he did before, that he had fallen in love with other women and that he needed to follow his heart, despite the great price he would pay financially and the risk he would be taking with his reputation. "
I have a feeling that somebody loves his romance novels........
I have a feeling that somebody loves his romance novels........
36
"Mr. Gingrich’s first two wives—have sat down with him"
only because they were too sick to stand up.
only because they were too sick to stand up.
37
It's dumb to only see "Anybody But Obama," but it was smart to only see "Anybody But Bush." Enjoy the economy!
38
"...he needed to follow his heart, despite the great price he would pay financially and the risk he would be taking with his reputation."
So sweet! So liberal-minded! Too bad these "conservatives" can't get all bleeding-heart liberal before they attack gay families.
So sweet! So liberal-minded! Too bad these "conservatives" can't get all bleeding-heart liberal before they attack gay families.
39
You know once we commit to him, he'll find a younger, prettier country and want to be president there instead.
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