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News & ArtsTuesday, January 17, 2012
Life A Midwesterner's Snow Shoveling DOs and DON'Ts For Clueless Seattleites
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Jan 17, 2012 at 7:51 AM
Originally posted last November, before the last snowstorm that destroyed Seattle, and reposted here to promote the general welfare. Also: PANIC! RUN! ZMFG!!!
Shoveling DO:
Do shovel a path from your house or apartment to your car/the street and spend five extra minutes shoveling the sidewalks to the edge of your property line. If a little old lady lives next door, shovel a path from her door to the street and the sidewalks in front of her house. If your neighbors are away, skip the path to their front door but shovel their sidewalks too. And don't bitch about how hard it is to shovel three inches of freaking snow. You need all the exercise you can get in the run up to Thanksgiving.
Shoveling DON'T:
Don't shovel a skinny little path from your front door to your fucking car and leave snow all over your fucking sidewalks. Asshole move. Spend five fucking minutes shoveling the sidewalks in front of your house before they turn into a sheet of ice. And don't give me this, "We live in Seattle! We don't own a snow shovel!" bullshit. There are three or four inches out there, tops—you can shovel that shit with a broom. And if you shoveled a path from your front door to your car, then you own a damn shovel. Shovel your fucking sidewalks too, you lazy motherfucker.
Also: if you own or run a store, bar, club, restaurant, movie theater, grocery store, school, crack house, domination studio, etc., etc., shovel the fucking sidewalks in front of your place of business.
Thank you.
1
Thirty years ago my great-grandpa died from a heart attack about twenty minutes after shoveling in KC. If you got problems, don't overdo it. And...enjoy!
3
the snooty "I grew up in snow" crowd always comes out 'round now in Seattle. sure, some people are jerks or don't have good snow judgment (and can't shovel or drive properly, whine whine whine) but you know, give 'em some credit.
THEY DIDN'T GROW UP IN SNOW. they are ignorant, and sometimes innocently so. before behing an asshole and posting that video of someone's car slipping in the snow, or of someone slipping on the ice BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T GROW UP ICE SKATING TO SCHOOL OR CATCHING THEIR LUNCH SITTING ON A BUCKET ON A FROZEN POND, take a breath, be patient, and give them some ADVICE SANS SNARK.
and next time you jump in the ocean and get downed by a 3 foot wave (hey, I grew up surfing to school and dodging earthquakes during lunch) I will not laugh.
THEY DIDN'T GROW UP IN SNOW. they are ignorant, and sometimes innocently so. before behing an asshole and posting that video of someone's car slipping in the snow, or of someone slipping on the ice BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T GROW UP ICE SKATING TO SCHOOL OR CATCHING THEIR LUNCH SITTING ON A BUCKET ON A FROZEN POND, take a breath, be patient, and give them some ADVICE SANS SNARK.
and next time you jump in the ocean and get downed by a 3 foot wave (hey, I grew up surfing to school and dodging earthquakes during lunch) I will not laugh.
5
@4: We are, indeed. But just about snow. We're pretty laid back about everything else—no, wait. That's not true. We're pretty much total assholes about everything.
8
Have a car? During snowy/icy conditions, keep a package of cheap kitty litter in your trunk. When you get stuck, pour some around the tires of the drive wheels for traction. Don't know whether your car has front- or rear-wheel drive? Then you shouldn't be driving in the snow. Or ever, probably.
If you shovel for the little-old-lady-next-door twice without getting a homemade pie in return, consider yourself off the hook for next time.
If you shovel for the little-old-lady-next-door twice without getting a homemade pie in return, consider yourself off the hook for next time.
10
A tip for driving in the snow - accelerate slowly. Hard acceleration is what gets you stuck in the first place, or ensures you stay there, making your tires spin and shine the snow and ice into a nice mirrory glaze. If you have automatic transmission, start out by letting the engine do the work without applying the gas at first, then apply pressure incrementally. This will also keep you from spinning out of control.
11
Also, don't think you can drive in the snow in Seattle just because you can drive in the midwest. Remember the fleets of salt trucks we have here? Terrible for the environment but, yeah, they are the only reason mid-westerners THINK they can drive in the snow, because they/we know how to drive in slush.
For you drivers, figure on doubling or tripling your stopping time and whatever you do, please do not tail gate!
For you drivers, figure on doubling or tripling your stopping time and whatever you do, please do not tail gate!
12
@9 IMO tire chains work better than kitty litter. If you have to be able to get around Seattle in the snow they are worth the investment to have just in case.
@10 Starting out gently in 2nd gear Is another way to reduce wheel spin. Most automatics will let you do this. That's what I do when I have to drive a rental car with an automatic in snow.
@10 Starting out gently in 2nd gear Is another way to reduce wheel spin. Most automatics will let you do this. That's what I do when I have to drive a rental car with an automatic in snow.
13
I don't think you need to have grown up on some godforsaken tundra (Ohio, for example) to know it's obnoxious to shovel a path to your car but not your sidewalk. That's just human decency.
14
Kitty litter will only help if it's the kind with grit in it. Throwing clumping clay based litter won't do anything but make mud for your tires to throw back on the second guy trying to push.
16
@13 One would hope. I grew up in the Las Vegas area before moving to Wisconsin after college and yet, somehow, despite not having grown up in the snow I knew how to not be an asshole.
17
I agree with the sentiment, but the Canadian in me is making fun of you for whining about sidewalk snow that isn't even knee-high.
18
I'm in an apartment building, so I won't be shoveling any of that shit.
Everybody else can have fun with that though.
Everybody else can have fun with that though.
19
@3: Not growing up around a certain type of weather is no excuse for not using common sense during the 2-3 whole days a year that we get snow.
21
Repost this every year please.
Videos of cars sliding down hills are funny no matter where you're from.
If you see guys at the bottom of a hill laughing at cars that have already failed the climb, don't go up the hill.
Videos of cars sliding down hills are funny no matter where you're from.
If you see guys at the bottom of a hill laughing at cars that have already failed the climb, don't go up the hill.
23
Winter pro-tip: coarse sand is great for sidewalks, too. No, it doesn't melt the snow and ice, but it makes traction much better. Plus, it's as safe for the flora and fauna as it is for your leather shoes and cars.
24
Thank you so much, Dan Savage! I personally make note of the businesses that have done a good job shoveling and the businesses that don't care about their pedestrians. And then, I don't shop at those places that regularly don't shovel. Jerks.
25
@24,
This is the only time I ever give credit to the Big Banks. All of them, even BofA and Chase, have salted their sidewalks.
This is the only time I ever give credit to the Big Banks. All of them, even BofA and Chase, have salted their sidewalks.
26
waitaminute — it's the law in NY that you have to shovel the sidewalk in front of your home/business etc. or you get a ticket. How is that not the case everywhere else our latitude and north?
27
I shoveled and salted my walk and the walks of both my older neighbors. It is my obligation. And once you've done it - you're unfortunately "that guy" and you're stuck with it. But then the old people give you stuff. like a bottle of Jamesons. Which is nice.
One would vainly hope that the day comes when you're old and chasing teenagers out of your yard with a cane, some other middle aged neighbor will do so for you. And when that happens there's a bottle of Jamesons on the shelf.
One would vainly hope that the day comes when you're old and chasing teenagers out of your yard with a cane, some other middle aged neighbor will do so for you. And when that happens there's a bottle of Jamesons on the shelf.
28
@26- it is the law in most cities and towns across the country. Couldn't say for sure about Seattle, since they are not really a snow city.
Plus- in Seattlite's defense- snow in the mid-west (or even east of the mountains in Washington) is typically way drier snow, and so much easier to both shovel and drive on. Seattle's is invariably wet, sloppy and slushy- very slick to drive on. And don't forget the hills in Seattle that don't exist in the Iowa prairies.
Plus- in Seattlite's defense- snow in the mid-west (or even east of the mountains in Washington) is typically way drier snow, and so much easier to both shovel and drive on. Seattle's is invariably wet, sloppy and slushy- very slick to drive on. And don't forget the hills in Seattle that don't exist in the Iowa prairies.
29
It's the law in Seattle, too:
http://clerk.seattle.gov/~scripts/nph-br…
I've been excoriated by my past set of neighbours for reminding them to shovel their sidewalks and pointing out this statute. I'm glad I've since moved.
http://clerk.seattle.gov/~scripts/nph-br…
I've been excoriated by my past set of neighbours for reminding them to shovel their sidewalks and pointing out this statute. I'm glad I've since moved.
30
This will come in handy here in the California desert. It snowed here in 1978 so...
You never know.
You never know.
31
@28, It's true, but we're quickly becoming a snow city. I'm a middle-aged native Seattlite (which I can prove with my webbed feet) who has also lived through quite a few winters in NY, NJ, and MT.
I'm one of the lucky folks who learned how to drive and walk in the snow during those aforementioned east coast and Montana winters, but I can understand why it's generally a shitshow out on the roads when it snows here in Seattle: It used to be that we got real snow only once every 5 years or so, which is long enough to forget anything you learned trying to get around town the last time. For the past 3 or 4 years, though, we've had semi-significant snow every single year...
I personally think Seattle is on the cusp of rising from its truly comedic snowtardedness (apologies to my beautiful DD friends and family, but it's too funny a word to pass up). While our more regular snow events might be a bad sign environmentally, I think they're getting us learned up. I've definitely seen improvement in general snow behavior over the past couple of winters, so hurray!
I'm one of the lucky folks who learned how to drive and walk in the snow during those aforementioned east coast and Montana winters, but I can understand why it's generally a shitshow out on the roads when it snows here in Seattle: It used to be that we got real snow only once every 5 years or so, which is long enough to forget anything you learned trying to get around town the last time. For the past 3 or 4 years, though, we've had semi-significant snow every single year...
I personally think Seattle is on the cusp of rising from its truly comedic snowtardedness (apologies to my beautiful DD friends and family, but it's too funny a word to pass up). While our more regular snow events might be a bad sign environmentally, I think they're getting us learned up. I've definitely seen improvement in general snow behavior over the past couple of winters, so hurray!
32
Do shovel a path from your house or apartment to your car/the street and spend five extra minutes shoveling the sidewalks to the edge of your property line.
This is, of course, if you have a sidewalk. Large swaths of Seattle, like my Rainier Beach neighborhood, are bereft of such a civilized feature.
This is, of course, if you have a sidewalk. Large swaths of Seattle, like my Rainier Beach neighborhood, are bereft of such a civilized feature.
33
Yeah, like anyone in Seattle owns a snow shovel!! Last November this made sense since the snow was going to stick around for several days. But most of the time (including this time), the snow is all going to melt when it rains the next day! So why bother doing all that shoveling for one day when few people are going out anyway?
34
Am I the only one who finds the shoveled areas most treacherous? When it freezes then unfreezes, the shoveled areas end up with a slick coating of invisible black ice - I usually end up walking on the snow mound next to the walkway instead of risking a fall.
35
Well I live in Vancouver, BC. We basically have the same weather as Seattle - But Seattle got hit much harder than the city of Vancouver this time. I always get up early and shovel our sidewalks and walkways as well as both neighbors... It just makes me feel good both physically and Karma. One neighbor is a rich lawyer one is a elderly lady - doesn't matter. I also use pet friendly deicer on anywhere I shovel. The deicer also makes it easier to shovel the next day!
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