Slog
News & ArtsSunday, January 15, 2012
Religion Slog Bible Study: Special Puzzler Edition
Posted by Goldy on Sun, Jan 15, 2012 at 7:00 AM
John 1:36
When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, “Look, the Lamb of God!”John 5:2
Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades.
A special puzzler edition of Slog Bible Study. Find the hidden meaning, and then discuss.
UPDATE: In the comment thread, Slog reader thatsnotright shows off his Bible chops. John 1:36, of course, prophesied the meager 136 yards quarterback Tim Tebow threw in the Denver Bronco's 45 to 10 loss to the New England Patriots yesterday, while John 5:2 prophesied Tebow's 5.2 yards per attempt.
3
If teh Gaiz can get married people will start to take baths with sheep.
Do I win?
What if I point out that Goldy is Jewish?
Do I win?
What if I point out that Goldy is Jewish?
4
Chef Thunder gets it! Goldy is Jewish, and so were Jesus, John, and Paul. Therefore, if Goldy treats the New Testament with anything other than unquestioning reverence, he is being a self-hating Jew.
7
John is a blood-thirsty hooligan obsessed with sacrificial slaughter. At every opportunity, he links Jesus to the sweet, innocent little lamb destined to be sliced open by the Jews, have his guts burned in a fire and his blood splashed around the altar in fulfilment of God's commands.
The link between John 1:36 and John 5:2 -- and between about every fourth verse of John -- is the sacrificial imagery.
The link between John 1:36 and John 5:2 -- and between about every fourth verse of John -- is the sacrificial imagery.
9
Oh, you're all focusing to much on the obvious. The Bible is filled with mystery. Be more creative.
10
Well, Bethesda is in Maryland right next to D.C. which has thw Watergate Hotel. So Jesus was involved in the cover-up!
16
ok, are we suggesting that the use of 'Lamb' in reference to Jesus might be more literal than metaphor?
Is that our puzzle?
BA-A-A-A?
Is that our puzzle?
BA-A-A-A?
18
Well, isn't it obvious? It was time for his Saturday-night bath. As Fannie Brice (and my sainted Bubbe) said, "You got a piece soap vit' you? Vell, use it!"
20
It is obvious from a deep and sincere numerological assessment that from these verses we learn that Jesus will return on Valentine's day 2012, will settle briefly in Salt Lake City, and then attend the ribbon cutting ceremony for Armageddon II.
21
Sorry, Urgutha, but that's a mistranslation. Oh, it's 42 alright, but in base 5.
Back to the drawing board.
Back to the drawing board.
22
Time Tebow is a loser? He threw only 136 yards in a losing game and now the Patriots are going to Maryland. During the game there was a commercial based on John 3.16: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
23
Um, the Patriots aren't going to Maryland. The Ravens are going to New England. Some football fan you are. :p
24
@22 is the winner! Tim Tebow threw for only 136 yards yesterday, as prophesied in John 1:36, for an average of only 5.2 yards per completion, as prophesied by John 5:2.
Congrats. You clearly know your Bible.
Congrats. You clearly know your Bible.
25
so, you're saying that Tebow's god is awol?
taking a vacation?
put up the 'gone fishing' sign?
maybe he is hanging out with the god of abraham.....
taking a vacation?
put up the 'gone fishing' sign?
maybe he is hanging out with the god of abraham.....
26
23 I confess to being a lousy football fan. If it weren't for the discussion about Christian posturing I would not even know who Tim Tebow is. It was the Lamb of God thing that clued me in. Then I looked at some of the game stats.
28
Mr. Tebow will be fine. Perhaps his athletic performance yesterday was a bit of a Job-ish experience, as those who are believers are not promised that they will be successful. See the 'Honor Roll' list within Hebrews (chap. 11) or Job. He was a success no matter the outcome with his co-religionists.
30
re: Texas Evangelicals endorsing Santorum....
Actually this is good for Mitt.
Santorum isn't going to win the nomination but the longer he hangs in there the longer the fundy vote is splintered.
And Santorum has been smart enough not to bad mouth Mitt.
Had the Texas gathering gotten behind Newt it would have been more problematic for Romney.
As it is, Mitt gets the nomination and Santorum and all his fundy support fill out the ticket.
A Romney/Santorum ticket actually has pretty broad Center-Right appeal.
And Santorum's 'google' problem is no problem at all.
Anyone who will be voting for Romney/Santorum will see it as a total disgusting dick move.
In fact, if anyone in that demographic has ever heard of Danny (not many....) the fact that Danny hates Santorum will be all the reason they need to support him.
You girls misjudge how the google "problem" will play if it ever reaches the light of day:
associating someone's name with poop is a third grade stunt. literally. sure you apes don't get that, and see it as really witty and cool, but- no.
the two facts anyone/everyone in Real America will carry away from the 'google' cleverness are:
1- Feces? Damn that's disgusting. What filthy perverts....
and
2- Wow that Danny is a malicious retarded little Prick- his mother must've snorted a buttload of crack when she was pregnant.
and if the 'google' thing actually seeds the light of day conservatives will force Obama to repudiate it as an inappropriate dick head stunt and there you will be with the Chosen One forced to confess that Danny is an immature Prick.
so, keep it up, every link takes us one step closer to what will be for Obama and Danny a precious special kind of humiliation.....
More...
Actually this is good for Mitt.
Santorum isn't going to win the nomination but the longer he hangs in there the longer the fundy vote is splintered.
And Santorum has been smart enough not to bad mouth Mitt.
Had the Texas gathering gotten behind Newt it would have been more problematic for Romney.
As it is, Mitt gets the nomination and Santorum and all his fundy support fill out the ticket.
A Romney/Santorum ticket actually has pretty broad Center-Right appeal.
And Santorum's 'google' problem is no problem at all.
Anyone who will be voting for Romney/Santorum will see it as a total disgusting dick move.
In fact, if anyone in that demographic has ever heard of Danny (not many....) the fact that Danny hates Santorum will be all the reason they need to support him.
You girls misjudge how the google "problem" will play if it ever reaches the light of day:
associating someone's name with poop is a third grade stunt. literally. sure you apes don't get that, and see it as really witty and cool, but- no.
the two facts anyone/everyone in Real America will carry away from the 'google' cleverness are:
1- Feces? Damn that's disgusting. What filthy perverts....
and
2- Wow that Danny is a malicious retarded little Prick- his mother must've snorted a buttload of crack when she was pregnant.
and if the 'google' thing actually seeds the light of day conservatives will force Obama to repudiate it as an inappropriate dick head stunt and there you will be with the Chosen One forced to confess that Danny is an immature Prick.
so, keep it up, every link takes us one step closer to what will be for Obama and Danny a precious special kind of humiliation.....
31
re: Texas Evangelicals endorsing Santorum....
Actually this is good for Mitt.
Santorum isn't going to win the nomination but the longer he hangs in there the longer the fundy vote is splintered.
And Santorum has been smart enough not to bad mouth Mitt.
Had the Texas gathering gotten behind Newt it would have been more problematic for Romney.
As it is, Mitt gets the nomination and Santorum and all his fundy support fill out the ticket.
A Romney/Santorum ticket actually has pretty broad Center-Right appeal.
And Santorum's 'google' problem is no problem at all.
Anyone who will be voting for Romney/Santorum will see it as a total disgusting dick move.
In fact, if anyone in that demographic has ever heard of Danny (not many....) the fact that Danny hates Santorum will be all the reason they need to support him.
You girls misjudge how the google "problem" will play if it ever reaches the light of day:
associating someone's name with poop is a third grade stunt. literally. sure you apes don't get that, and see it as really witty and cool, but- no.
the two facts anyone/everyone in Real America will carry away from the 'google' cleverness are:
1- Feces? Damn that's disgusting. What filthy perverts....
and
2- Wow that Danny is a malicious retarded little Prick- his mother must've snorted a buttload of crack when she was pregnant.
and if the 'google' thing actually seeds the light of day conservatives will force Obama to repudiate it as an inappropriate dick head stunt and there you will be with the Chosen One forced to confess that Danny is an immature Prick.
so, keep it up, every link takes us one step closer to what will be for Obama and Danny a precious special kind of humiliation.....
More...
Actually this is good for Mitt.
Santorum isn't going to win the nomination but the longer he hangs in there the longer the fundy vote is splintered.
And Santorum has been smart enough not to bad mouth Mitt.
Had the Texas gathering gotten behind Newt it would have been more problematic for Romney.
As it is, Mitt gets the nomination and Santorum and all his fundy support fill out the ticket.
A Romney/Santorum ticket actually has pretty broad Center-Right appeal.
And Santorum's 'google' problem is no problem at all.
Anyone who will be voting for Romney/Santorum will see it as a total disgusting dick move.
In fact, if anyone in that demographic has ever heard of Danny (not many....) the fact that Danny hates Santorum will be all the reason they need to support him.
You girls misjudge how the google "problem" will play if it ever reaches the light of day:
associating someone's name with poop is a third grade stunt. literally. sure you apes don't get that, and see it as really witty and cool, but- no.
the two facts anyone/everyone in Real America will carry away from the 'google' cleverness are:
1- Feces? Damn that's disgusting. What filthy perverts....
and
2- Wow that Danny is a malicious retarded little Prick- his mother must've snorted a buttload of crack when she was pregnant.
and if the 'google' thing actually seeds the light of day conservatives will force Obama to repudiate it as an inappropriate dick head stunt and there you will be with the Chosen One forced to confess that Danny is an immature Prick.
so, keep it up, every link takes us one step closer to what will be for Obama and Danny a precious special kind of humiliation.....
32
re: Texas Evangelicals endorsing Santorum....
Actually this is good for Mitt.
Santorum isn't going to win the nomination but the longer he hangs in there the longer the fundy vote is splintered.
And Santorum has been smart enough not to bad mouth Mitt.
Had the Texas gathering gotten behind Newt it would have been more problematic for Romney.
As it is, Mitt gets the nomination and Santorum and all his fundy support fill out the ticket.
A Romney/Santorum ticket actually has pretty broad Center-Right appeal.
And Santorum's 'google' problem is no problem at all.
Anyone who will be voting for Romney/Santorum will see it as a total disgusting dick move.
In fact, if anyone in that demographic has ever heard of Danny (not many....) the fact that Danny hates Santorum will be all the reason they need to support him.
You girls misjudge how the google "problem" will play if it ever reaches the light of day:
associating someone's name with poop is a third grade stunt. literally. sure you apes don't get that, and see it as really witty and cool, but- no.
the two facts anyone/everyone in Real America will carry away from the 'google' cleverness are:
1- Feces? Damn that's disgusting. What filthy perverts....
and
2- Wow that Danny is a malicious retarded little Prick- his mother must've snorted a buttload of crack when she was pregnant.
and if the 'google' thing actually seeds the light of day conservatives will force Obama to repudiate it as an inappropriate dick head stunt and there you will be with the Chosen One forced to confess that Danny is an immature Prick.
so, keep it up, every link takes us one step closer to what will be for Obama and Danny a precious special kind of humiliation.....
More...
Actually this is good for Mitt.
Santorum isn't going to win the nomination but the longer he hangs in there the longer the fundy vote is splintered.
And Santorum has been smart enough not to bad mouth Mitt.
Had the Texas gathering gotten behind Newt it would have been more problematic for Romney.
As it is, Mitt gets the nomination and Santorum and all his fundy support fill out the ticket.
A Romney/Santorum ticket actually has pretty broad Center-Right appeal.
And Santorum's 'google' problem is no problem at all.
Anyone who will be voting for Romney/Santorum will see it as a total disgusting dick move.
In fact, if anyone in that demographic has ever heard of Danny (not many....) the fact that Danny hates Santorum will be all the reason they need to support him.
You girls misjudge how the google "problem" will play if it ever reaches the light of day:
associating someone's name with poop is a third grade stunt. literally. sure you apes don't get that, and see it as really witty and cool, but- no.
the two facts anyone/everyone in Real America will carry away from the 'google' cleverness are:
1- Feces? Damn that's disgusting. What filthy perverts....
and
2- Wow that Danny is a malicious retarded little Prick- his mother must've snorted a buttload of crack when she was pregnant.
and if the 'google' thing actually seeds the light of day conservatives will force Obama to repudiate it as an inappropriate dick head stunt and there you will be with the Chosen One forced to confess that Danny is an immature Prick.
so, keep it up, every link takes us one step closer to what will be for Obama and Danny a precious special kind of humiliation.....
33
I never give a shit about football or any sport, in any context, ever. This puzzle sucked double-ass. For shame.
34
If this is about Tebow, shouldn't we be looking in Timothy?
Five colonnades? Something about colons? Aids? The Pentagon?
Hmmm ... John 1:39 - "... It was about four in the afternoon. "
4:20, maybe?
Five colonnades? Something about colons? Aids? The Pentagon?
Hmmm ... John 1:39 - "... It was about four in the afternoon. "
4:20, maybe?
36
Oh boy, American football and the Bible! Two of my least favorite things!
Stand open-mouthed in a shower of dicks, Goldy.
Stand open-mouthed in a shower of dicks, Goldy.
38
Was Jesus The Lamb of God going to be roasted for dinner after the Broncos' victory over the heathens?
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