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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

News The Wednesday Morning News

Posted by Goldy on Wed, Jan 11, 2012 at 7:12 AM

You like me, you really like me! New Hampshire homeowner Mitt Romney won the New Hampshire Republican presidential primary with 39 percent of the vote, becoming the first non-incumbent Republican to win both Iowa and New Hampshire. Or something. Assuming Romney really did win Iowa. Not that an eight-vote margin is much more of a win than a tie. Also, not that many Republicans actually bothered to vote. But it was big win! Or something.

Europe sucks balls. Or so says Mitt Romney. Not that that's a bad thing.

All the cool kids support gay marriage. And so does Republican state Senator Cheryl Pflug, making her the second senate Republican, after Steve Litzow, to publicly embrace same-sex marriage.

Tough on crime. Outgoing Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour, once considered a top-tier candidate for the Republican presidential nomination despite being a man with a girl's name, pardoned 193 criminals before leaving office yesterday. That brings his grand total to 203 pardons over two terms, including 17 convicted murderers.

Tough on peaceful protesters. King County deputies brought a SWAT team and an armored vehicle to an early morning eviction of nine Occupy Seattle protesters from a house at 23rd and E. Jefferson. The nine occupiers left peacefully, and no weapons were found.

Better stock up on Twinkies. Hostess Brands, the maker of Twinkies and Wonder Bread, filed for "Chapter 22" today, its second Chapter 11 bankruptcy since 2009. Guess the company isn't as well preserved as its products.

I'm sure we had absolutely nothing to do with it. An Iranian nuclear scientist was killed in a car bomb in Tehran this morning, the fourth such reported attack on Iranian nuclear scientists in two years.

The UW's future admissions policy? A woman was trampled to death, and several other people were seriously injured in a stampede to win scarce open slots at the University of Johannesburg.

About time: Conservative political commentator Pat Buchanan says blacks and "militant gay rights groups" are out to get him.

We're one minute closer to Doomsday! Oh my God, it might snow a little this weekend! Also, we're one minute closer to Doomsday.

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Comments (15) RSS

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Hey, what is it with Southerners giving their sons female names like Haley or Tracy or Stacy anyways? It's almost as if they're daring God to drop a drag queen or two into the family.

Posted by Corydon on January 11, 2012 at 7:20 AM

"Not that many Republicans bothered to vote." Really? Over 200,000 is a pretty respectable turnout.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on January 11, 2012 at 7:33 AM

I started my day reading The Angry Black Woman. You can too:

http://theangryblackwoman.com/

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on January 11, 2012 at 8:25 AM

"Tough on peaceful protesters."

Do you mean patient with peaceful protesters? The "anarchists" were threatening to arrest the police and anarcho-ironically apply US criminal law to them. What would have been the proper response?

http://centraldistrictnews.com/media/new…

Posted by Geraldo Riviera on January 11, 2012 at 8:30 AM

According to the linked article, some group called "Colors of Change" submitted a petition with 275,000 signatories to have Pat Buchanan removed from his job because they didn't like the content of his most recent book. So, yeah, I would have to agree that they're "out to get him".

Posted by catsnbanjos on January 11, 2012 at 8:34 AM

....and I'd be willing to bet that 274,998 of them haven't read his book.

Posted by catsnbanjos on January 11, 2012 at 8:34 AM

* my bad....UK law.

Posted by Geraldo Riviera on January 11, 2012 at 8:36 AM

If the light of the wonderbread sign dims in CD, I will forever be shaken.

Posted by lukeiscool on January 11, 2012 at 8:39 AM

Hostess is in bankruptcy so they can bust all their union contracts. This will allow them to jettison the wage and benefits packages management has agreed to over the years. A WSJ 'reporter' was blathering on yesterday on the FM about how it's the union worker's fault that the company is going down; too greedy, etc., etc. Immediately after that theory came his description of how management over-invested the last several years buying up Hostess' competition (which had union contracts in place, therefore the costs were known). The Twinkie ain't goin' nowhere.

Posted by zombie eyes on January 11, 2012 at 8:49 AM

Absolutely correct, @9.

Also, I'm sure the Israelis are behind the killings (this is at least #4) of Iranian nuclear scientists, and not us.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on January 11, 2012 at 8:57 AM

So let's run this down:

Will in Seattle: Todd Palin's endorsement will give Gingrich a big boost in NH

Reality: Newt got creamed; the endorsement had no effect

Will in Seattle: Romney's done; he didn't get 39 percent in NH

Reality: Romney got 39 percent in NH

Will in Seattle: NH went to proportional allotment of delegates this year, unlike 2008 when it was winner-take-all

Reality: NH was proportional in 2008.

Will in Seattle: ALL Republican primaries are proportionally allocated in 2012.

Reality: Florida is winner-take-all.

Will in Seattle: Romney will not only lose in SC, he will have to LEAVE THE RACE

Reality: ??? He won't touch my $100 bet.

Will in Seattle: Ellen Barkin is my girlfriend, we share a special Costco chicken meme.

Reality has left the building.

Posted by Fnarf

on January 11, 2012 at 10:13 AM

Be Like Mitt

I want to be like Mitt, who has never done an honest day’s work in his life!

I want to be like Mitt, who would convince his cronies to invest 10% in a fund, and then borrow the remaining 90% from the banks, using the targeted company in the leveraged buyout as collateral -- that means transferring the 90% debt to the target company. (I’m going to buy a car, what’s your collateral, the bank asks me, the car I’m buying, I reply, try the bank next store, they reply.)

I want to be like Mitt, and want free millions from the banks (after the LBO or leveraged buyout, they would borrow more millions from the banks against the targeted company – known as dividend recaps -- thus paying themselves a fortune while adding even more debt onto the target company).

[The proper term for this is debt financing or deficit financing, creating unbelievably burdensome debt on the takeover company to enrich themselves. Romney’s vast wealth, and that of other private banks and hedge funds, is directly responsible for the increase of the national debt.]

I want to be like Mitt, who avoided military service during the draft.

I want to be like Mitt, free money for no work and super-rich!

(Where’s the risk? There is no risk as the laws they bribed congress to pass, back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, ensured that!)

Posted by sgt_doom on January 11, 2012 at 10:24 AM

Signing a petition makes you a "militant"? I don't think so. In fact, I think signing a petition makes you distinctly dedicated to peaceful change.

Posted by Vince on January 11, 2012 at 10:26 AM

Doomsday? I got your doomsday right here:

January 11th, 1973 -- David Berg, founder of Children of God, proclaims: "Nineveh Shall Be Destroyed!" God misses Berg's literary allusion to the biblical story of Jonah and the whale and decides not to smite humanity with a comet on the predicted date.

Boom.

Posted by treacle on January 11, 2012 at 10:37 AM

@2:

NH allows independents to cast votes in the primary. Polls show that the majority of voters in the Republican primary were in fact independent, not registered Republicans. The rate of Republican participation and the actual number of Republicans was down this year relative to 2008. So yeah, it is fair to say that not that many Republicans bothered to vote.

Posted by Looking For a Better Read on January 11, 2012 at 10:37 AM