Slog
News & ArtsWednesday, January 11, 2012
1
i think it's important to keep the sexual element relevant. you could sexualize this situation in a number of ways, but it's not sexual by default. the redefinition was expressly intended for a sex act.
wait, am i taking this too seriously?
wait, am i taking this too seriously?
4
If the point of naming something "santorum" is that the thing named is a result of something abhorrent to Santorum, then I say you can only call a frothy mix of fecal matter and lube "santorum" in a medical context if the procedure producing the mixture is paid for by medicare or medicaid.
5
We ARE NOT going to change the definition of Santorum while at the same time change the definition of Marriage. Gay America STOP, just stop! The next thing we know Santorum will have to mean Str8/White/Christian men having sex with a dog.
6
"Santorum" won't make the mainstream dictionaries until people use the word without referring to the ex-senator, and use it a lot. We need Hints from Heloise telling us how to get santorum out of a bed sheet and infomercials for cleansers going "Tar, rust, blood, santorum, SUPA-CLENZ gets rid of them all!"
12
The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is SOMETIMES the result of anal sex. Yes, I know you meant that anal sex doesn't always create santorum. However, that word "sometimes" goes both ways. Lube and fecal matter is lube and fecal matter. What defines santorum is whether or not it is frothy. If it is frothy, it is santorum. If it is not frothy, it isn't.
14
Wait, I thought they didn't do the finger exam anymore. Isn't it done with a blood test now? I think you got finger raped.
15
@4 FTW
(I'm still curious why the account name fakedansavage, or was dansavage already taken? savagelove? hrm...)
(I'm still curious why the account name fakedansavage, or was dansavage already taken? savagelove? hrm...)
16
@14 The tests are different. Palpation is to detect enlargement or irregularity. The blood test is for an antigen associated with prostate damage (due to tumor, inflammation, etc), but recent evaluation has led to questioning its usefulness (sensitivity and specificity are not very high).
18
@12: I disagree - the specification of sometimes resulting from anal sex bounds the definition. Were the definition not bounded to cases of anal sex, it would be more appropriate to say something like, "A frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter," full stop, or, "Any frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter, such as that which sometimes results from anal sex." The definition as it stands posits anal sex as a defining feature: it's not ANY frothy mixture, it's the specific frothy mixture that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.
I voted for the third option, since it's possible that either the patient or doctor (inclusive or) experienced the prostate palpitation as manual-anal sex, in which case it would qualify, though it would still have to be frothy.
I voted for the third option, since it's possible that either the patient or doctor (inclusive or) experienced the prostate palpitation as manual-anal sex, in which case it would qualify, though it would still have to be frothy.
19
Santorum is a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, not just any mix. If I shit into a bucket of lube, I didn't create santorum. There must be froth.
I can't imagine why the mix of lube and fecal matter after a prostrate exam would be frothy, unless the doctor was really pounding your ass. At which point I'm wondering whether the experience qualifies as an "exam."
I can't imagine why the mix of lube and fecal matter after a prostrate exam would be frothy, unless the doctor was really pounding your ass. At which point I'm wondering whether the experience qualifies as an "exam."
20
Well, because one should respect the authority of linguistic conservatism. We fight for 'discrete' being different from 'discreet', 'fun' not being an adjective, infinitives not being split and 'whom' being used correctly (in non-nominative functions); why shouldn't we fight to keep 'santorum' with its original definition? After all, if we don't, this 'semantic broadening' opens a slippery slope that will lead someday to santorum referring to any and all kinds of ass juice (perhaps even -- horror of horrors! -- diarrhea). And we, fierce defenders of the honor of the English language, cannot allow that to happen!
21
I meant @20 to answer my mental question, 'and why can't we broaden the definition of santorum to include medical santorum'? (Meaning, as the word enteres the vocabulary of the general population, features like whether or not it is frothy or involved *real* anal sex may be dropped -- much to the displeasure of the grammar police.)
22
It's only santorum if it's a sexual act, and if it's a sexual act, then your urologist needs to be reported to the medical board.
24
I think it counts if you actually enjoyed the exam.
I remember the first time I had to have that part of the exam. My physical was being done by a very cute, very gay, Latino nurse practitioner. I remember laying there with his finger up my butt thinking that 20 years ago if I were laying there on a Friday afternoon while a hot Latino guy stuck his finger up my butt it would have just meant my weekend was off to a good start.
Getting older messes up everything.
I remember the first time I had to have that part of the exam. My physical was being done by a very cute, very gay, Latino nurse practitioner. I remember laying there with his finger up my butt thinking that 20 years ago if I were laying there on a Friday afternoon while a hot Latino guy stuck his finger up my butt it would have just meant my weekend was off to a good start.
Getting older messes up everything.
26
Well the letter writer considered it to be a purely medical procedure but who knows what the attending physician finds sexually gratifying?
Given that, plus the fact that the chemical composition of said frothy mixture is identical to conventionally produced santorum, I'll say yes.
Given that, plus the fact that the chemical composition of said frothy mixture is identical to conventionally produced santorum, I'll say yes.
29
This could not be more personally timely. At the age of 47, this gay man just my first medical physical that included a prostate exam by a lovely female doctor -- THIS MORNING!
Based on the immediacy of this experience, I would observe:
1. There was lube and a tiny bit of fecal matter on her glove after the examination, which means the key components of santorum were present.
2. The immediate result was not frothy, but she did use an awful lot of lube. Despite repeated efforts to wipe up the excess, a small amount remained in the area, much to my dismay.
3. This lubricant residue was agitated throughout the day, quite possibly resulting in a bit of frothing when I was running for the bus.
My conclusion -- close enough. A proper medical examination can result in santorum.
P.S. The doctor said my prostate was well-shaped and smooth.
P.P.S. I've never been touched like that by a woman. She had nicely trimmed and very small fingers. It was not the unpleasant experience I expected. Dan, does that make me bi?
Based on the immediacy of this experience, I would observe:
1. There was lube and a tiny bit of fecal matter on her glove after the examination, which means the key components of santorum were present.
2. The immediate result was not frothy, but she did use an awful lot of lube. Despite repeated efforts to wipe up the excess, a small amount remained in the area, much to my dismay.
3. This lubricant residue was agitated throughout the day, quite possibly resulting in a bit of frothing when I was running for the bus.
My conclusion -- close enough. A proper medical examination can result in santorum.
P.S. The doctor said my prostate was well-shaped and smooth.
P.P.S. I've never been touched like that by a woman. She had nicely trimmed and very small fingers. It was not the unpleasant experience I expected. Dan, does that make me bi?
30
@19 is absolutely right. As someone who does these exams, I can tell you it is NEVER frothy. Good god!
31
Department of Unforeseen Consequences:
Stunningly, when you Google "frothy" the second result resolves to "spreadingsantorum.com". Root beer distributors must be having a cow!
Stunningly, when you Google "frothy" the second result resolves to "spreadingsantorum.com". Root beer distributors must be having a cow!
32
Ssntorum is defined as the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is SOMETIMES the by-product of anal sex. Sometimes, not only or exclusively. So I say that yes, any frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter would be santorum, be it produced by anal sex, a medical exam, or a very bad piece of performance art featuring a blender.
33
As someone tasked with performing this exam, I'm with #19: Lube, yes and plenty; fecal matter, sometimes and unfortunately; frothy, well, that requires vigorous and repeated insertion, and that just is not the name of the game.
35
If you sent a sample of each to the lab would they be able to tell the difference? If not, then wouldn't they both qualify?
36
@19, I imagine that most of the time one must be "prostrate" to have their "PROSTATE" examined, dontcha think?
37
My husband says, because of the lack of in-and-out-and-in-and-out on a prostate exam, you don't really get the frothy mixing. So: not santorum.
38
1. fecal matter: check
2. anal penetration: check
3. lube: I certainly fucking hope so. My gynecologist uses fucking buckets of it for my PAP. check.
4. froth: probably a bit. CHECK
conclusion: Santorum.
2. anal penetration: check
3. lube: I certainly fucking hope so. My gynecologist uses fucking buckets of it for my PAP. check.
4. froth: probably a bit. CHECK
conclusion: Santorum.
41
Parasantorum would be the proper term describing the mixture of lube and feces resulting from a medical examine or procedure.
Pseudosantorum would apply to something resembling Santorum but not derived from anal sex. For example, chocolate mousse on the back of your pants would be pseudosantorm.
Pseudosantorum would apply to something resembling Santorum but not derived from anal sex. For example, chocolate mousse on the back of your pants would be pseudosantorm.
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