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Thursday, January 5, 2012

People: You Do Not Get to Like Both Die Hard and Lethal Weapon. You Must Choose a Side.

Posted by on Thu, Jan 5, 2012 at 11:10 AM

diehardweaponposter.jpg
The Die Hard franchise is probably my favorite film franchise of all time. Not probably. Certainly. (It was Indiana Jones up until the fourth movie happened and then my heart broke and I still haven't recovered.) I fucking love all Die Hards. Even the fourth one, Live Free or Die Hard, despite that smarmy little Justin Long's involvement. (But Timothy Olyphant? Yum.)

I am also stoked they're making a fifth Die Hard. LONG LIVE JOHN McCLANE.

What I can't fucking stand, though, is when I declare my love for Die Hard and whatever jerk I'm talking to responds with "And Lethal Weapon, too!"

NO. NOT LETHAL WEAPON, TOO. The Lethal Weapon movies are stupid and Mel Gibson is an idiot. He's always been an idiot, even before the anti-Semitic/misogynistic ranting. A love for Die Hard does not make for a love of Lethal Weapon. In fact, you are either a Die Hard person or a Lethal Weapon person. (You could also be a romantic comedy person, in which case, you bore me.) I don't care which came first because Die Hard did it better and continues to do it better. Even in the second one, where the writers were trying way too hard to make every line out of Bruce Willis mouth into a poster tagline.

But some recent action movie-related conversations have taught me that not everyone feels the same way. I'm as surprised as you are. The only way this can be solved is with an official Slog poll.

 

Comments (47) RSS

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wisepunk 1
Bullshit. 10 points from Hufflepuff. (you know you would be in hufflepuff, Megan.)
Posted by wisepunk on January 5, 2012 at 11:20 AM · Report this
2
I've never watched either of these films/franchises, but in true internet fashion, I won't let that stop me from giving my opinion as the only right way of thinking.

Die Hard has Professor Snape, and makes an already balding (but still with hair!) New Jersey goombah into a sexee action star.

Lethal Weapon features a ridiculous '80s mullet, and the big villain is Gary Busey, who is now even more nutso than Mel Gibson.

Die Hard FTW!
Posted by genevieve on January 5, 2012 at 11:20 AM · Report this
3
Lethal Weapon is the perfect action movie. There is no need for discussion.
Posted by the gluv on January 5, 2012 at 11:26 AM · Report this
schmacky 4
The first LW is the equal--perhaps even the better--of any of the DH movies, but taking the franchises as a whole, no question...DH all the way.
Posted by schmacky on January 5, 2012 at 11:27 AM · Report this
Megan Seling 5
@1 I do not know what a hufflepuff is.
Posted by Megan Seling on January 5, 2012 at 11:33 AM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 6
I like the one w/ the unconventional guy who shoots lots of things and there are lots of explosions and stuff. That shit's cool.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on January 5, 2012 at 11:43 AM · Report this
The Max 7
@5 It's a Harry Potter reference, Megs. Not knowing that indicates that you're a muggle.

Posted by The Max on January 5, 2012 at 11:43 AM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 8
Can I vote for Die Hard...but still watch Lethal Weapon in the closet?
Posted by ArtBasketSara on January 5, 2012 at 11:44 AM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 9
@4 is correct, the Lethal Weapon franchise took a nose dive into a steaming pile of Joe Pesci while Die Hard gently sloped downward.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on January 5, 2012 at 11:45 AM · Report this
Enigma 10
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Lethal Weapon cause it was a family movie for us. My dad was never an action movie fan, unless there was gonna be an obvious comedy part to it. I sort of emulated his taste in action movies, so I've never seen Die Hard.
This post now makes me want to remedy this. Die Hard movie fest this weekend!
Posted by Enigma http://washingtonunitedformarriage.org/ on January 5, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 11
Oh and a "huffle puff" is a delicious pastry filled with sweet cream. Obviously.
Posted by ArtBasketSara on January 5, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
12
Die Hard is the superior series, but I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Rene Russo in Lethal Weapon 3/4.
Posted by sisyphusgal on January 5, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
The Max 13
This was a tough choice. LW started with one great genre-sealing movie, moved on to that great scene on the toidy in an otherwise good movie, and ended up with one I really can't remember at all.

Die Hard starts out with badass maverick cop vs a building. It moves on to Die Hard 1.5 (Striking Distance) the building is a river. Then, Die Hard II: the river is an airport. Die Hard III: the building is New York City. But then there's Die Hard 4: the city is America, and they emasculted it almost out of existence.
Posted by The Max on January 5, 2012 at 11:51 AM · Report this
14
What are the relative "Mullet Ratio's" of these two franchises? What does does the mullet foretell?

Gibson clearly has the front and center star-power mullet. He plays unbalanced cop. Constantly nearly getting his black partner killed.

Then. Pretty much all the eeeeeeevil bad guys in Die Hard had mullets. Alan Rickman had a mullet.

What does that tell you?

Let me spell it out, Seling: The bad guys in Die Hard were essentially greedy German terrorists - another way of saying Nazis.

And 'lo Gibson has subsequently proven to both cling to his mullet and revealed himself to be a pseudo-Nazi (when intoxicated).

So therefore...

I forgot where I was going.
Posted by tkc on January 5, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report this
Megan Seling 15
Keep your Harry Potter bullshit out of my Die Hard thread, wisepunk!
Posted by Megan Seling on January 5, 2012 at 11:54 AM · Report this
The Max 16
In the first Lethal Weapon, we have Riggs, spiraling down a deep dark hole, tells Murtaugh that he's thinking about doing himself in. Murtaugh doesn't believe him and escapes the situation, talking Riggs into sucking on the barrel of his piece like a blue steel cock of death. Extreme Close-Up on Riggs' poor tortured eyes. 'please help me. i'm still alive,' those eyes say. Murtaugh stops the hammer from coming down. I have never seen a more sublime illustration of the True Meaning of Christmas.
Posted by The Max on January 5, 2012 at 11:57 AM · Report this
Jackson Hathorn 17
uhhh, where's the option to vote for The Naken Gun film series? RIP Lesile Nielsen
Posted by Jackson Hathorn on January 5, 2012 at 12:02 PM · Report this
Westlake, son! 18
Die Hard 3 was so good.
Posted by Westlake, son! on January 5, 2012 at 12:03 PM · Report this
Fnarf 19
CAn I vote for "neither"? Mel Gibson is everything you're saying about him, but Bruce Willis actually MORE ANNOYING TO WATCH. Remember that commercial where he played blues harmonica? The man needs to have that smirk wiped off the front of his bald head with a swipe of a samurai sword.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on January 5, 2012 at 12:08 PM · Report this
Graham 20
DIE HARD 1 THE MOVIE VERSUS LETHAL WEAPON 1 THE MOVIE IS A REALLY TOUGH DECISION; BOTH HAVE AMAZING QUALITIES. DIE HARD THE MOVIE SERIES AGAINST LETHAL WEAPON THE MOVIE SERIES IS EASY. DIE HARD ALL THE WAY WITHOUT ANY POSSABILITY OF DOUBT. ONE MUST NEVER FORGET THAT DIE HARD IS TECHNICALLY A SEQUEL TO THE 1968 MOVIE "THE DETECTIVE" STARING FRANK SINATRA.
Posted by Graham on January 5, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
21
Sorry, but you're wrong. DH 1&2 rocked. LW 1&2 rocked. After that they both turned into crap (though watch Jet Li kick the crap out of Gibson rocke my world). You can and I do love them both. If, however, you put a gun to my head, I'd have to come down on John Mclane's side.
Posted by NateMan on January 5, 2012 at 12:13 PM · Report this
Dougsf 22
@14 - In Die Hard, only the bad guys have mullets. Lethal Weapon has both good and bad guys sporting mullets, and in that regard it is very hard to follow.

In talking about movies that remind me of a certain era and are better than Lethal Weapon, I would associate 48 Hours and Midnight Run before Die Hard for reasons that make sense to probably just me.
Posted by Dougsf on January 5, 2012 at 12:16 PM · Report this
23
Die Hard for HANS GRUBER.
Posted by Chester Copperpot on January 5, 2012 at 12:22 PM · Report this
24
@20, despite your all-caps abomination you do win the trivia prize of the day for that Sinatra factoid.
Posted by gloomy gus on January 5, 2012 at 12:28 PM · Report this
25
Choose between the homophobic teabaggy bald man who sucked off Ashton Kutcher while receiving a vigorous round of pegging from Demi Moore, or the fundamentalist Catholic who thought that using a puppet in his best lesbian friend's movie would do something to rehabilitate his image as a neo-Nazi and unhinged spousal abuser.
Posted by Like anyone reads these anyway on January 5, 2012 at 12:30 PM · Report this
T 26
I haven't seen LW 2-4 in probably 10 years, but I remember thinking they were terrible even back then. The order is thus (from best to least best): Die Hard, Die Hard with a Vengeance, Lethal Weapon, Die Harder, Live Free or Die Hard. Fact.
Posted by T on January 5, 2012 at 12:59 PM · Report this
sven forkbeard 27
And... I'm calling it. Die Hard wins by the length of the Trans-Canada Highway, the Trans-Siberian Railway and every penis in the world laid end-to-end.
Posted by sven forkbeard on January 5, 2012 at 1:02 PM · Report this
Graham 28
@24: WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY KEYBOARD IS BROKEN? FURTHER TRIVIA: THERE IS AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR LETHAL WEAPON 2 IN THE MOVIE DIE HARD 2. USING THIS AS THE STARTING POINT WE CAN DEDUCE THAT WHEN THE LEVELS OF REALITY ARE EXAMINED, DIE HARD IS CLOSER TO THE REAL WORLD THAN LETHAL WEAPON.
Posted by Graham on January 5, 2012 at 1:06 PM · Report this
Vince 29
@19 Aw, I love that smirk. He has good reasons to smirk. And he's just more charismatic than Mel. So is Danny.
Posted by Vince on January 5, 2012 at 1:06 PM · Report this
30
"LONG LIVE JOHN McCLANE." Indeed.

DH 3 was acceptable. I have always felt that #3 was not originally a Die Hard script at all, but they wanted to continue the franchise and someone said, hey, I read this script...and they adapted it to be #3. I think it would have been a better movie if they hadn't forced it into the Die Hard franchise. I never bought the idea that John McClane would leave Holly. Come on, the guy ran through broken glass (#1) and fire-y snow (#2) for his woman. But, #3's lack of Holly does allow for #4, which, while not as good as the any of the first 3, does seem to improve on repeated watchings. I am thrilled to hear there will be a #5. Thanks for that.

Lethal Weapon? Okay. Danny Glover is just great in all of them. He's a good reason to endorse the movies. Idiot Gibson is not.
Posted by Bugnroolet on January 5, 2012 at 1:12 PM · Report this
31
Apples and Oranges. To say that you can only like one is absurd. Novel, I guess, but it makes my less-than-nimble brain hurt trying to come up with any sort of valid reason why you'd need to pick one.
Posted by Cmonkey on January 5, 2012 at 1:15 PM · Report this
treacle 32
Neither. Neither is the right answer. I'm starting to think these polls are skewed.
Posted by treacle on January 5, 2012 at 1:22 PM · Report this
biju 33
Theres definitely more 'action' in DH but they're both kind of awful to watch ESPECIALLY the subsequent followups. Well, I'll give a pass for the LW which had Patsy Kensit..
Posted by biju on January 5, 2012 at 1:24 PM · Report this
very bad homo 34
I would rather watch Bruce Willis than Mel Gibson any day.
Posted by very bad homo on January 5, 2012 at 1:25 PM · Report this
35
@28, you are Scholar of the Day. Thank you!
Posted by gloomy gus on January 5, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 36
@28- "WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY KEYBOARD IS BROKEN?"

No.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on January 5, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
angel in indy 37
As an FAA engineer, I can say that Die Hard 2 is the most hysterically inaccurate movie about airports ever. And therefore the favorite movie of everyone in my office.
Posted by angel in indy on January 5, 2012 at 3:35 PM · Report this
38
@37, you mean flight controllers don't get to change where ground level is? What if they need to, though? Dang.
Posted by gloomy gus on January 5, 2012 at 4:20 PM · Report this
Xenos 39
The first and third Die Hard films are best because, as was proved by Indiana Jones, Germans make the best villains. Do not even attempt to dispute this.

@26 I... actually agree with that ranking. Curious.

These guys may have a different opinion, though.
Posted by Xenos on January 5, 2012 at 5:15 PM · Report this
Xenos 40
Whoops, missing link follows

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE4zF36dP…
Posted by Xenos on January 5, 2012 at 5:15 PM · Report this
angel in indy 41
@38 don't get me started....
Posted by angel in indy on January 5, 2012 at 7:20 PM · Report this
freesandbags 42
"They're sayin' 'Hey Zeus' not Jesus. My name is Zeus!" D.H.III. Samuel L. Jackson & Bruce Willis. Joe Pesci was an annoyance in those Lethal Weapon movies. Die Extra Harder all the way. Good poll Megan.
Posted by freesandbags on January 5, 2012 at 8:56 PM · Report this
wisepunk 43
It took me all day to decide to vote. I had to think, godammit, think!
Posted by wisepunk on January 5, 2012 at 10:09 PM · Report this
44
Diplomatic Immunity!

Posted by bornhere on January 5, 2012 at 11:10 PM · Report this
Megan Seling 45
1,000 votes with 90% going to Die Hard. You people warm my Lethal Weapon-hating heart. I love you, Sloggers.
Posted by Megan Seling on January 6, 2012 at 10:21 AM · Report this
lordbison 46
It's all about RUSH HOUR, SUCKERS--1, 2, AND 3.
Posted by lordbison http://www.seattlesubsonic.com/author/lb/ on January 6, 2012 at 10:55 AM · Report this
47
Until this post I had no idea they were separate movies. I thought it was something like, Die Hard: Lethal Weapon (or vice versa), and that it starred both of those guys. Whoops.
Posted by mitten on January 7, 2012 at 10:21 AM · Report this

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