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Thursday, January 5, 2012

At Large "Amanda Knox Is My Neighbor"

Posted by Derek Erdman on Thu, Jan 5, 2012 at 1:56 PM

What would Knox eat?

Word on the street is that Amanda Knox lives in the International District. Lucky for me, a friend of a friend put me in touch with a fellow who was surprised to find that he shared an apartment building with Foxy Knoxy. Here's your chance to glimpse into the life of an infamous* local celebutante!

You can remain anonymous if you'd like, or I can use your name.
I shall remain anonymous.

Does it seem like she has a big apartment? Or standard size for the building?
I bet it's pretty big. I know there are at least three of them living there.

How many times have you seen her?
Twice. Once with her boyfriend and once alone at the front door. I think I may have also seen her around the neighborhood. I can't say for sure. Everyone in Chinatown looks the same to me.

Has she ever been carrying anything in particular?
Nope.

Does she seem friendly?
She does.

Is the boyfriend you've seen her with the same one from Italy?
No. From what I have read it is her old high school boyfriend.

Is he good looking?
He's whatevs.

Does he dress smart?
More safe than smart. Ready for anything.

Where do you imagine she might like to eat?
There is a Specialty's two blocks away. I could picture her with some soup and a SmartWater.

What do you think she might like to watch on TV?
Two and a Half Men re-runs.

If she were shopping at Uwajimaya, what do you think she might buy?
If she's anything like me, she would be getting mango mochi balls and plum wine. I bet she gets Oreos and bananas. The special fried rice is also good.

Are the apartments in your building moderately priced?
Yes.

Is there a laundry room?
Nope.

Is there a lobby with an intercom?
Call box outside.

Is there an elevator?
Yeah. It's really nice and the doors shut really fast. It's really tall and big and has mirrored doors. I love it.

On a somewhat related note, I found this tidbit on Facebook today from Carlos Alberto Fernandez Lopez: "Spotted Amanda Knox crossing the street in the ID today. We locked eyes. I'm not saying she's guilty, but there was something dark in there."

*Ned Nederlander: Oh, Dusty. Infamous is when you're MORE than famous. This man El Guapo, he's not just famous, he's IN-famous.
Lucky Day: 100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who's probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!
Dusty Bottoms: Wow, in-famous? In-famous?

—¡Three Amigos! (1986)

Comments (41) RSS

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Has Charles Mudede been spied in the bushes across the street "bird watching" with a giant pair of binoculars, a box of Kleenex, and a bottle of Jergens?

Every evening.

Posted by Banna

on January 5, 2012 at 2:02 PM

This is a fine report. It is devoid of any interesting comment whatsoever, which is entirely suitable under the circumstances, and some attempt is made at what passes for humor among those who can't be troubled to make much of an effort.

But what I really want to know is, what does Charles Mudede think about it?

Posted by Warren Terra on January 5, 2012 at 2:02 PM

Why don't you just leave her the hell alone?

Posted by tacomagirl on January 5, 2012 at 2:45 PM

I live in the ID - she is a new neighbor. She found the only neighborhood in Seattle that will leave her the fuck alone.

Leave her the fuck alone, Stranger.

Posted by karion on January 5, 2012 at 2:49 PM

Just gonna say ditto to @3, and @4.

"Lucky for me..." How is that luck, asshole?

Posted by Ziggity on January 5, 2012 at 2:54 PM

Her IDness was covered two months ago:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-…

A more in-depth interview, please?

Posted by stinkbug on January 5, 2012 at 2:55 PM

I work in the ID. She has been spotted at the Starbucks in my building on more than one occasion.

If I see her, I will ask her to autograph my pocket knife.

Posted by kitschnsync on January 5, 2012 at 2:56 PM

I know this is supposed to be funny, like some sort of pastiche of an actual poorly-sourced supermarket tabloid article on a celebrity ("If she were shopping at Uwajimaya, what do you think she might buy?") but it just sounds creepy ("Is there a lobby with an intercom?").

Posted by Q*bert H. Humphrey on January 5, 2012 at 2:57 PM

SERIOUSLY? come on stranger... this capitol hill mom loves me some good gossip but this is EXPLOITATIVE.. you can do better.

AMANDA - good luck ducking the YA-HOOS.

Posted by go bulldogs on January 5, 2012 at 3:01 PM

Fuck, leave people doing their own shit alone.

Posted by seatackled on January 5, 2012 at 3:01 PM

Some days I'm embarrassed to read this fucking trash. Today's one of them.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on January 5, 2012 at 3:06 PM

Amanda Knox looks like about 55% of the young adult female population in Washington.

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on January 5, 2012 at 3:07 PM

Is he good looking?
He's whatevs.

Best answer ever.

Posted by MLM on January 5, 2012 at 3:08 PM

I love this article; so funny. Seattle, despite trying to be grumpy, and not very nice to new people, is a loving city. # 13 -- yes! I also think that AK is innocent. I think she would like the Hello Kitty department at Uwajimaya.

Posted by WESTsEAnative on January 5, 2012 at 3:14 PM

This would be a light, somewhat amusing, throw-away piece if it weren't for Mr. Mudede obsessing over her tits every day on slog for god-knows-how-long.

So instead, it comes off as stalker creepage.

As if in The Stranger newsroom, one of the male editors just said, "you know, it would be really hot if we knew where Amanda Knox was", and started stroking his crotch, and one of the other editors started stroking his crotch and saying "oh, yeah, that would totally be hot. We could be hanging outside trying to look in her windows". And then the entire newsroom started to circle-jerk.

Posted by eclexia on January 5, 2012 at 3:19 PM

It's kind of nice to hear that Amanda is resuming a normal life.

Posted by seandr on January 5, 2012 at 3:29 PM

I hope she stabs you.

Posted by very bad homo on January 5, 2012 at 3:46 PM

The "something dark" was probably fear that you had recognized her & were some UK tabloid paparazzi asshole, Carlos Lopez. Leave her be.

Posted by Max Solomon on January 5, 2012 at 4:17 PM

I am compelled to jump on the "Hey you retarded douchebags at the Stranger, why don't you leave her the fuck alone?" bandwagon.

Posted by WFM on January 5, 2012 at 4:42 PM

Seriously, Derek? Can all of us in Seattle not just agree to back the fuck off and let her live her life?

Posted by psbirch on January 5, 2012 at 4:47 PM

If you see here with any sharp looking implements or she invites you over for a "sex party," then run away Fast!

Posted by Senor Guy on January 5, 2012 at 4:48 PM

Dammit "her" not "here."

Posted by Senor Guy on January 5, 2012 at 4:49 PM

Yeah, this is not good.. Count me in with the rest who see this as creepy, unfunny, unnecessary, and ultra-exploitative. Leave her the fuck alone, how about?

@7 & 21 - Way to keep it classy, folks.

Posted by merry on January 5, 2012 at 4:54 PM

It's all good 'til people start knocking.
Lindsay Lohan Trespasser CONVICTED Banned from Contacting Actress; TMZ
Lindsay Lohan Trespasser Sentenced To Two Years Probation; Starpulse
Lindsay Lohan's New Year's Day Trespasser Sentenced, Slapped With ..; E! Online

Posted by bedipped on January 5, 2012 at 4:58 PM

@23
Too Soon?

Posted by Senor Guy on January 5, 2012 at 5:06 PM

I kind of think she did it, but that time passed.

This is middle school girl bullshit. Time to leave her alone to get on with her life.

Much less chickenshit to go after some politicians or rich fucks with this technique. To frightened to stalk the civic leaders?

Posted by cracked on January 5, 2012 at 5:39 PM

I've lived in the ID for a few years now. What I like most about it is that no one gives a fuck about who you are or what you're doing. That shouldn't change. Please fuck off with the spying.

Posted by context ender on January 5, 2012 at 6:06 PM

I'm rather glad that the Seattle media has pretty much left her alone since she came back from Italy. This is just dumb gossip, speculation not even worthy of a British tabloid. Some random guy speculating about what she would buy at Uwajimaya, what she would eat for lunch, or watch on TV is just shallow, stupid and pointless. I would hope The Stranger would be above this kind of crap.

Posted by Gern Blanston on January 5, 2012 at 6:13 PM

What are you, an asshole, Erdman?

Dan, Why are you putting this kind of National Enquirer shit on your blog. If he was outing some gay couple who was just trying to get on with their lives, you'd be all over him. Pull this worthless, mean-spirited post.

Posted by pkk on January 5, 2012 at 6:31 PM

i'm with 11 and 28. low. dumb. embarrassing. and not even funny for all that.

in short: lame

Posted by ellarosa on January 5, 2012 at 6:51 PM

can't this guy stick his "articles" to the music page? this is just an embarrassment and again with the ugly art. everybody is drawn with the same expression and boring color schemes.

this is a new low.

Posted by birdy num num on January 5, 2012 at 10:24 PM

@31: Are you talking about Beard Papa?

@32: Fuck you, Erdman!

@33: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Posted by derek_erdman

on January 6, 2012 at 12:01 AM

waste of ink and papervand my data plan on this one. lame article, move on to a different topic

Posted by Cassette tape fan on January 6, 2012 at 6:23 AM

Leave her alone.

Posted by lilzilla on January 6, 2012 at 8:15 AM

Edit: I meant to say: FOR FUCK SAKE, leave her alone.

Posted by lilzilla on January 6, 2012 at 8:16 AM

"Spotted Amanda Knox crossing the street in the ID today. We locked eyes. I'm not saying she's guilty, but there was something dark in there."

Uh, if anyone locks eyes with you in the ID and tries to "know your soul", you assume they're a creeper.

Also, yeah, I assume that this is some sort of parody of UK tabloid trash, but hopefully this is it and we can drop the Knoxsightings.

Posted by undead ayn rand on January 6, 2012 at 8:55 AM

@3 for the Win.

With @4,@5,@10,@11,@16,@18,@19,@20,@23,@26,@27,@28,@34, and @35 tied for Second Place.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on January 6, 2012 at 10:36 AM

This is pathetic.

Posted by Amanda on January 6, 2012 at 10:44 AM

Yeah, I locked eyes with Carlos Alberto Fernandez Lopez and boy they better restore the death penalty soon. I can just tell that guy is a danger to himself and others.

Posted by Merle Rideout on January 6, 2012 at 5:00 PM

Also, the Beard Papa drawing looks like Margaret Thatcher.

Posted by Q*bert H. Humphrey on January 7, 2012 at 1:58 PM

I found this article hilarious. And not exploitative. You people 1) can't appreciate the absurd and 2) can't recognize this author's goodwill toward Amanda Knox.

Posted by B. Beatsie on January 10, 2012 at 6:17 PM