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News & ArtsWednesday, January 4, 2012
2012 You Know What You Can Do in The Guardian?
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Jan 4, 2012 at 3:31 PM
You can use the word "fuck," and you can give the entire definition of lower-case santorum:
I have a history with Rick Santorum. In 2003, when Santorum, in an interview with the Associated Press, first compared gay relationships to child rape and dog fucking (have I mentioned that Santorum has compared gay relationships to child rape and dog fucking?), I held a contest to redefine Santorum's last name. The winning definition: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." ("Sometimes" is the most important word in the new definition of santorum; if you're doing anal sex correctly, there won't be any santorum—lower- or upper-case.) And since 2003, the new definition has the been the No1 Google return when you search "santorum".
This has been dubbed "Santorum's Google problem", as more Americans than ever are using the online media to learn about politicians. But Rick Santorum and the GOP have a much bigger problem on their hands than a joke my readers made at Santorum's expense nearly eight years ago. The GOP's doubling down on homophobia, the non-stop gay bashing, is going to cost them votes—and not just the votes of 9,000,000 (or more) LBGT Americans out there, but, again, the votes of tens of millions of our straight family members, friends and coworkers.
You can read my entire Santorum/santorum-splattered Guardian op-ed here.
3
We don't want to CAN your op-ed, Dan (although that would be a classy touch considering the topic), but we do want to read & enjoy it.
4
Dan, if you had simply said "I can't tell you the definition, that my readers decided on because it's simply too filthy for me to repeat, " then you would have driven up the Google score.
7
Count me as one of the straight allies who absolutely will NOT vote for anyone who does not support GLBT rights, including the right to marry. And I told my coworkers about Santorum's unfortunate Google problem today. Told them to Google it. Heh.
8
how wonderful that british people now also know that you get shit all over yourself when you make "love".
they are surely glad to know that.
they are surely glad to know that.
10
what if you forget to use lube?
is it still santorum?
perhaps danny needs to make up a new word for lubeless shit.
is it still santorum?
perhaps danny needs to make up a new word for lubeless shit.
11
what about semen?
the "new" definition doesn't say anything about semen.
is it not doing anal right if you ejaculate?
the "new" definition doesn't say anything about semen.
is it not doing anal right if you ejaculate?
12
Here's a challenge: if you read exclusively US newspapers, try adding some RSS feeds or tweets from foreign papers, see what you learn, see what's allowed to be published. The UK's Daily Mail does not count.
13
Why look at the numbers. I think you are morally wrong considering critical mass. People that are considered capable of making decisions, engaging in acts that have no victims, should NEVER be marginalized. I know you feel that way; but focusing on the mass of homosexuals undermines that sentiment. (What about the 'T' of LBGT? That's a pretty small mass and they are marginalized by a lot of LBG people...)
It's a moral issue Dan, not a numbers issue. (But while I'm not hip with your reasoning in this column, I think you are on the right side of history.)
It's a moral issue Dan, not a numbers issue. (But while I'm not hip with your reasoning in this column, I think you are on the right side of history.)
15
damn- anal is complicated.....
no wonder faggots are so fucking bad at it.
did you know 20% of homosexuals give themselves AIDS doing anal?
sad.....
and homosexuals are 88X as likely to give themselves AIDS as heterosexuals.
even though way more heterosexuals do anal than homosexuals.
in fact, homosexuals are worse at anal than street whores or teen age kids.
every demographic group, even sex workers, have seen AIDS rates go down over the years. except homosexuals.....
obviously Danny has made the rules for Faggot Anal too complicated.
"Hey, you're not doing it right, Faggots!..."
Lube? OK?
Semen? OK? Or not?
Feces? Not OK? Sometimes OK?
Danny obviously needs to simplify the rules for Faggots.
Anal for Dummies(aka Faggots...)
maybe Danny needs to ask fundy xtian teens how to do anal and oral without giving yourself AIDS......
no wonder faggots are so fucking bad at it.
did you know 20% of homosexuals give themselves AIDS doing anal?
sad.....
and homosexuals are 88X as likely to give themselves AIDS as heterosexuals.
even though way more heterosexuals do anal than homosexuals.
in fact, homosexuals are worse at anal than street whores or teen age kids.
every demographic group, even sex workers, have seen AIDS rates go down over the years. except homosexuals.....
obviously Danny has made the rules for Faggot Anal too complicated.
"Hey, you're not doing it right, Faggots!..."
Lube? OK?
Semen? OK? Or not?
Feces? Not OK? Sometimes OK?
Danny obviously needs to simplify the rules for Faggots.
Anal for Dummies(aka Faggots...)
maybe Danny needs to ask fundy xtian teens how to do anal and oral without giving yourself AIDS......
16
so "if you're doing anal sex correctly, there won't be any santorum" then where does the lube go?
is the bottom supposed to hold it in and then discreetly shit it out later?
same for semen?
are you supposed to contain yourself, then sneak off to the loo to get rid of your semen?
Danny, please elaborate on the "new" definition of santorum.
is the bottom supposed to hold it in and then discreetly shit it out later?
same for semen?
are you supposed to contain yourself, then sneak off to the loo to get rid of your semen?
Danny, please elaborate on the "new" definition of santorum.
17
By the way, "santorum" is the #1 search on Google right now. And yes, spreadingsantorum is still the first result.
18
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
Santorum: "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."
21
Beautifully done, Dan. Good way to open up some eyes on the other side of the pond...
And, it occurred to me this morning as I was getting that Bachmann person off my TV, I have something to say to American Evangelicals: We hear you. We have HEARD you for years now - how about you return the favor and listen to US for a change? And by US, I mean The Majority of Americans Who Are Not Religion-Obsessed and Do Not Seek To Control Others' Private Lives. How about you guys sit down for a while, close your mouths, and use YOUR EARS instead of your mouths, while WE tell YOU what we'd like to see happen in this country? Would that be alright? After all, WE have heard everything YOU'VE had to say for years now - fair is fair, right? Right.
Great article, Dan. Thank you for all the good work you do!!
And, it occurred to me this morning as I was getting that Bachmann person off my TV, I have something to say to American Evangelicals: We hear you. We have HEARD you for years now - how about you return the favor and listen to US for a change? And by US, I mean The Majority of Americans Who Are Not Religion-Obsessed and Do Not Seek To Control Others' Private Lives. How about you guys sit down for a while, close your mouths, and use YOUR EARS instead of your mouths, while WE tell YOU what we'd like to see happen in this country? Would that be alright? After all, WE have heard everything YOU'VE had to say for years now - fair is fair, right? Right.
Great article, Dan. Thank you for all the good work you do!!
22
Seattlekim: me, too! Enlightened a couple of my not-uptight cow-orkers to the new definition of santorum today too! One howled with laughter for several minutes. Made her day, she said!
23
Man, nothing is more hilarious than scrolling past four "unregistered comment" markers in a row. Followed by more later.
Keep talking to yourself, dude. You don't sound like an obsessed dingbat at all, I promise.
Keep talking to yourself, dude. You don't sound like an obsessed dingbat at all, I promise.
24
Man.
Nothing is more hilarious than some tightass self-righteous prick commenter assuring The Troll they don't read their stuff.
It never ceases to crack us up.....
Nothing is more hilarious than some tightass self-righteous prick commenter assuring The Troll they don't read their stuff.
It never ceases to crack us up.....
25
I don't remember what the definition of santorum is. I'm going to get on the internets and try to find out.
26
I sure hope you're right, Dan Savage, but somehow, I am not as confident as you are. There's still so much homophobia out there, and so much anti-Obama feeling that I do foresee a GOP win. I hope it doesn't happen, but I'm afraid it will.
28
I'm a regular reader of the Guardian online, and I have to say Dan has stirred things up nicely--418 comments currently, the first of which has 718 'recommends' (a nice feature, btw). Good numbers.
Count me among those who applaud Dan's decision to eschew Kinsey's old 10% estimate. Better to rely on cautious and more recent numbers than on inflated and outdated numbers. To do otherwise is a sign of weakness, not strength.
Count me among those who applaud Dan's decision to eschew Kinsey's old 10% estimate. Better to rely on cautious and more recent numbers than on inflated and outdated numbers. To do otherwise is a sign of weakness, not strength.
29
"While I agree with the thrust of this article, I can't say that I care for its tone."
How delightfully British!
How delightfully British!
30
#13, I see your point, but it is also very important for Dan and others to make clear that the scales have tipped. We now live in a time when most people in this country DO think you should be allowed to love and marry the person you want, regardless of sex or gender. So even though the position would be correct even if it was one person against the world, it's vital that we DO have critical mass, and that the scales finally are tipping in the direction of moral, kind, respectful policies.
33
I, for one, only read the unregistered comments on articles about Senator Rick Santorum
something about anal-obsessed freaks that I find fascinating
something about anal-obsessed freaks that I find fascinating
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