Last night, a Speak & Spell named Mitt Romney won the Iowa Caucuses by only eight votes, while Jesusy Rick Santorum came in second and destroy-the-Fed Ron Paul came in as a not-distant third. All of this goes to expose, the NYT explains this morning, the ideological divide that threatens the Republican party with disunity:

Mr. Romney may have the most money, the best organization and, often, the best poll numbers in hypothetical matchups against Mr. Obama. But he has not yet been able to tap into the antigovernment, populist zeal in the party or convince more traditional conservatives that he is an acceptable standard-bearer in an election that much of the right hopes can not only unseat Mr. Obama but permanently shift the nation’s values and direction.

For Santorum, the conventional punditry question today is whether he can quickly marshal a ground game in New Hampshire and South Carolina to capitalize on his win. On the other hand, Texas governor Rick Perry has gone home to lick his wounds, and Michele Bachmann is calling it quits. Paul Constant is in Iowa attending the caucuses and getting close with Newt Gongrich.

Fundie Freakout: Speaking of a fractured party, pious asscrack James Dobson and friends are holding an emergency summit to settle on a presidential candidate other than Romney.

This Is Not Good: Seattlepi.com's executive producer, Michelle Nicolosi, is leaving to start an ebook publishing company. This is the second big loss for Seattlepi.com after Chris Grygiel left for the AP late last year.

Jonathan Martin at the Seattle Times: Wrings his hands over Rick Santorum's Google problem.

Guns Don't Blah Di Fuckin' Blah: Woman held in Everett after her husband is shot in the head. "Court records show that Melissa Blatchford reportedly told officers at the scene that she thought the gun was unloaded and didn't intend to shoot her husband," reports the Associated Press.

Tolling Report: On the first big day of tolling the 520 bridge, traffic is down 40 percent.

A Cat Named Andrea: Sent to the gas chamber—twice.

Shelter officials detected no vital signs and presumed she was dead after the second try, so they put her in a plastic bag in a cooler. But when they checked the bag, they saw she had vomited on herself and had hypothermia but was alive.

What Do They Mean by "Fruitful"? The Hartford Archdiocese would like to formally request that all the gays stop fucking. Specifically, they'd want "to support men and women who struggle with homosexual tendencies and to motivate them to live chaste and fruitful lives."