The results are in, the poll is closed, and a winner has been declared! The drunk you'll see on the cover of tomorrow's Regrets issue is...

Guy Stuck in a Traffic Barrel!

It was a very, very close race. Traffic barrel guy won over Soap Lake Sarah by only 26 votes.

Congrats, Mr. Guy Stuck in a Traffic Barrel! Be sure to pick up a copy of tomorrow's paper to see him in all his cover-boy glory.