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News & ArtsFriday, December 23, 2011
Savage Love It's Only Gay If Your Tongues Touch
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Dec 23, 2011 at 3:19 PM
"Spotted this guy's personal on DudesNude and it made me think of the guy who wrote you wondering what the hell he is," writes a "Savage Love" reader. "He liked having sex with guys and girls, but only liked kissing girls. You told him he was bi, and that there were other bi guys like him out there. Looks like you were right—and some of those kissphobic bi guys have killers abs and huge dicks and this sort of things!"
1
Yeah, this guy is just aiming for the slice of the market he wants. My guess is that he is a totally out gay guy who gets off on scenes with guys who want guys like he pretends to be. Showbiz!
4
@3, since Dudesnude is primarily a cam site, the profiles tend to be real. Some people really do have that musculature, and some people really do have monster cocks. Those people like to hang out in places where fakes can be easily dealt with.
8
When I first came to realize I was gay the last vestige of denial was not kissing. Every part of me craved guys but I thought if I didn't kiss I was still not gay. It broke when I met the all American gymnast from u of Pittsburgh, lol.
12
Heteroflexible male story time:
I was once at a party where an adorable college-age guy was quite curious and nervous about his possible attraction to men. Another guy offered to blow him, but college boy seemed conflicted that doing so was a bit too gay or something. I told him that if a girl holds your hand while a guy is sucking your cock, you're technically having a bisexual experience, not a homo experience. This made perfect sense to him and seemed be exactly what he needed to hear, so I held his hand while he got his first blowjob from a dude. I haven't seen him since, but I wonder how he defines his sexual orientation years later.
I was once at a party where an adorable college-age guy was quite curious and nervous about his possible attraction to men. Another guy offered to blow him, but college boy seemed conflicted that doing so was a bit too gay or something. I told him that if a girl holds your hand while a guy is sucking your cock, you're technically having a bisexual experience, not a homo experience. This made perfect sense to him and seemed be exactly what he needed to hear, so I held his hand while he got his first blowjob from a dude. I haven't seen him since, but I wonder how he defines his sexual orientation years later.
17
@16 My story goes to illustrate the strange mental loopholes that exist in the minds of some heteroflexible dudes, much like the kissing issue in the original post.
19
Aheh...well, I don't know...I'm kind of one of those guys like the guy in the original post, and I do kiss and I don't find this dude attractive at all...@12: your smile, on the other hand, gives me a tingle. Very nice of you to hold his hand...gives a whole new meaning to hand-holding.
20
@12 that's awesome... I'm not sure I would have been able to keep a straight face when saying that...
22
He wants *Str8acting* studs.
(groan!) Oh, right! Butch it up, ladies: your *act*, that is.
It doesn't occur to him the opposite is "gayacting" which is what cocksucking is - or more specifically, what *he* does with men. Essentially, what he's asking for in a hookup is someone who will temporarily dismiss him as a lust object in favor of having sex with a female.
Vocabulary work for the moronic: 1. masculine. 2. feminine
Remember these and it will resolve the confusion.
(groan!) Oh, right! Butch it up, ladies: your *act*, that is.
It doesn't occur to him the opposite is "gayacting" which is what cocksucking is - or more specifically, what *he* does with men. Essentially, what he's asking for in a hookup is someone who will temporarily dismiss him as a lust object in favor of having sex with a female.
Vocabulary work for the moronic: 1. masculine. 2. feminine
Remember these and it will resolve the confusion.
23
Damn, I think he should just identify as "ripped."
Also, I get the cocksucking-but-no-kissing thing; I find the face-to-face interaction of kissing to be far more intimate than oral or any sort of fucking. Genital sex can be compartmentalized in an objectifying manner that can effectively eliminate gender, as gender's attached to a person and not random body part one is fucking/sucking (I'm sucking a cock/phallus, I'm not sucking a guy/man; I'm fucking an ass, not a guy/man; etc.). Faces, on the other hand, are undeniably human (and more important for gender cues: we rarely see people's genitals day-to-day, so our gender framing doesn't actually take them into account that much, even if ascribed gender is nominally biologically- or genitally-based), making de-gendering objectification more difficult (I'm not sure whether facials challenge this read or actively take advantage of it or both).
Also, I get the cocksucking-but-no-kissing thing; I find the face-to-face interaction of kissing to be far more intimate than oral or any sort of fucking. Genital sex can be compartmentalized in an objectifying manner that can effectively eliminate gender, as gender's attached to a person and not random body part one is fucking/sucking (I'm sucking a cock/phallus, I'm not sucking a guy/man; I'm fucking an ass, not a guy/man; etc.). Faces, on the other hand, are undeniably human (and more important for gender cues: we rarely see people's genitals day-to-day, so our gender framing doesn't actually take them into account that much, even if ascribed gender is nominally biologically- or genitally-based), making de-gendering objectification more difficult (I'm not sure whether facials challenge this read or actively take advantage of it or both).
24
What @23 said. Kissing is about intimacy with another human being, while sex (especially anonymous sex) is all about pleasure and pure animal need.
Lots of guys, even straight guys, like anal sex. Just not with men. Being bisexual often means that they're interested in changing that, often purely for the sake of finding out what the real thing is like.
Lots of guys, even straight guys, like anal sex. Just not with men. Being bisexual often means that they're interested in changing that, often purely for the sake of finding out what the real thing is like.
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