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News & ArtsThursday, December 22, 2011
Religion Why Don't You Goyim Stay the Fuck Home with Your Family on Christmas Anymore, So that We Jews Can Enjoy an Uncrowded Matinee?
Posted by Goldy on Thu, Dec 22, 2011 at 9:22 AM
I'm guessing the main answer to Eli's question about why American Jews traditionally eat Chinese food on Christmas is fairly prosaic. The Chinese, being non-Christian, kept their restaurants open Christmas day, whereas most other restaurants were closed.
But there's another side to the Jewish Christmas tradition that Eli fails to mention. Before or after stuffing ourselves full of Chinese food, we would go to the movies, where the lines would be short, even for the hottest films of the season. But alas, no more.
True story: My first Christmas divorced after a decade-plus relationship with my Irish Catholic ex-wife, I decided to re-embrace my Jewish heritage and go to the movies, the hottest ticket being that for the first installment of the Lord of Rings trilogy, playing at the Cinerama. But I arrive about a half-hour before a noonish matinee to discover they are sold out for every show, and had been for days.
I turn away from the ticket window toward the line of eager ticket holders stretching around the block, many of them dressed as their favorite Tolkien characters, and in my despair I rhetorically ask: "Don't you goyim have anything better to do on Christmas than go to the fucking movies?" To which an enragingly cheerful hobbit steps forward and offers: "Gee, that's not the Christmas spirit."
"I'll tell you what," I tell the hobbit in genuine anger as I step toward him and his furry, ticket-holding friends, "You don't honor the way my people celebrate this holiday, and I won't honor yours."
I ended up seeing fucking Oceans 11 at a theater in Southcenter. Couldn't think of a more depressing way to spend my first Christmas divorced.
So yeah... the question remains: Don't you goyim have anything better to do on Christmas than go to the fucking movies? And if I decide to get some Chinese food, will you be forcing me to stand in line there too?
2
Let me get this straight. You wanted plenty of empty seats to choose from so decided to see the white-hot blockbuster that had opened six days before, whose record ticket sales were making the news every day? There is genius in you, though what kind I couldn't say.
4
I remember when everything, and I mean everything, was closed on Sundays. So let's be thankful they don't rule us "non" believers anymore with their idiotic oppression.
5
I'm going to go see a movie AND get Chinese food on Christmas, just on the long shot of personally inconveniencing you.
6
Gus @2: Yes. I expected plenty of empty seats at the hottest movie of the season. On Christmas day. That was the whole point. We always went to the hottest movie on Christmas day, because it was the one day there were guaranteed to be plenty of empty seats.
7
LOL! Oh Goldy, you dumbass. Hollywood (long rumored to be run primarily by people who practice Judaism) is to blame for that. I remember Godfather III opening on Christmas Day in 1990, and that probably wasn't the first year they decided that that was a good day for blockbuster openings.
It's nobody's fault but your own that you hadn't paid any attention.
Now, why all the goyim decided to go along with this, who knows. But they* did, and had for more than a decade.
You have anger issues, and maybe that's what clouds your thinking so much.
* I'm a goy, too, but I'm traditional in my Xmas observations.
It's nobody's fault but your own that you hadn't paid any attention.
Now, why all the goyim decided to go along with this, who knows. But they* did, and had for more than a decade.
You have anger issues, and maybe that's what clouds your thinking so much.
* I'm a goy, too, but I'm traditional in my Xmas observations.
8
Midnight mass, open presents in the morning, and then get the heck out of the way so mom and the aunties can make the supper and gossip.
What do you think happens, everyone sits around staring at each other like some Norman Rockwell painting for 12 hours?
What do you think happens, everyone sits around staring at each other like some Norman Rockwell painting for 12 hours?
9
This is incredibly racist. But since you're one of the "chosen people" I guess the liberal Slog lets you say whatever you want.
I'm not a Christian. I don't celebrate Christmas. But I'm not a Jew either. I can do whatever the fuck I want on December 25, just like you. Quit whiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnning.
I'm not a Christian. I don't celebrate Christmas. But I'm not a Jew either. I can do whatever the fuck I want on December 25, just like you. Quit whiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnning.
11
You ignore your Jewish heritage for ten years then get pissed off when everyone goes to the movies on Christmas?
12
Just text your cousin in LA and ask him to stop releasing the big films around this time of year.
15
Goldy, if you'd ever spent a Christmas with the side of my family I traditionally spend Christmas with, you wouldn't be able to get out of the double-wide and down to the Cineplex fast enough.
(This year I'll be seeing "The Muppet" movie on Christmas, which I've been saving for this special occasion, because I'll need that level of warm-and-fuzzy to get the bitter, ashy taste of familial vitriol out of my mouth.)
(This year I'll be seeing "The Muppet" movie on Christmas, which I've been saving for this special occasion, because I'll need that level of warm-and-fuzzy to get the bitter, ashy taste of familial vitriol out of my mouth.)
16
Not all Goyim are Christians/seculars celebrating Christmas. However I do remember growing up the joy of going to empty movie theaters. People started going to the movies I'd say around 7 years ago, which is a shame. It was like our one tradition for Dec 25th.
18
Christmas is now a secular holiday in America...so goys go to the movies, too. That's why the Teavangelicals are screaming so much.
19
In what way were they not honoring the way your people celebrate the holiday? They're doing the exact same thing you are.
If you choose to join the crowd viewing the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on the first day of Hanukkah, should you be chewed out for dishonoring Christmas? Oy vey.
If you choose to join the crowd viewing the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree on the first day of Hanukkah, should you be chewed out for dishonoring Christmas? Oy vey.
20
I feel your pain Goldy. If I see another Jew eating dim sum on Yom Kippur, I'm gonna scream!
Seriously though, welcome to the city, where people are generally atheist (at least in practice).
Seriously though, welcome to the city, where people are generally atheist (at least in practice).
22
Goldy, you're giving the rest of us a bad name. I've been going to the movies on X-mas day for the last three decades. It has ALWAYS been crowded. Maybe you lived in a place where there were less Jews and more devout Christians, but where I lived (NYC, Boston, San Francisco, Seattle) I always counted myself lucky to get a ticket and decent seat.
Quit kvetching.
Quit kvetching.
23
Occupy Goldy's Christmas Plans was one of the earliest Occupy campaigns, from the early 400s. Your goyim-free christmas reeks of grandpa stories of walking three miles uphill backwards in snow just to get the bucket to milk the goats. Rope the goats, build a sleigh, make your own damn movie (preferably ripping off Arthurian tropes).
24
Try bowling instead. My family would hit the lanes on Christmas day; it got us out of the house, there were no crowds, and the parents could get loaded in the manner that they were most comfortable with - white trash style.
I was most relieved the year that my older brother could finally drive us home.
I was most relieved the year that my older brother could finally drive us home.
25
@2 Word!
@17 No joke!
So, divorced family politics meant that we only had my older siblings (from my dad's first marriage) on Christmas Eve. That meant, growing up, Christmas Eve was our MAIN day of celebrating. Christmas morning, my younger sister and I would get a few presents from Santa and we'd eat leftovers from last night's meal. We used to then spend Christmas Day with some aunts/uncles and cousins from my mom's side of the family. But when I was in Junior High, there was some family drama that had those aunts/uncles not hosting family events for a few years. And so we started a NEW tradition. After lazing in our PJ's and munching on leftovers, we'd get changed and go see a matinee. It's the best! Makes Christmas a lovely small family relaxing day. My sister and I were actually a bit distressed when extended family relations calmed down and it meant we had to return to Christmas Day activities. Luckily, my folks also enjoyed the movie tradition, so we now see an 11am film before heading off for family stuff that evening. (This is easier, because we all cut the church attendance about a decade ago *smile*)
@17 No joke!
So, divorced family politics meant that we only had my older siblings (from my dad's first marriage) on Christmas Eve. That meant, growing up, Christmas Eve was our MAIN day of celebrating. Christmas morning, my younger sister and I would get a few presents from Santa and we'd eat leftovers from last night's meal. We used to then spend Christmas Day with some aunts/uncles and cousins from my mom's side of the family. But when I was in Junior High, there was some family drama that had those aunts/uncles not hosting family events for a few years. And so we started a NEW tradition. After lazing in our PJ's and munching on leftovers, we'd get changed and go see a matinee. It's the best! Makes Christmas a lovely small family relaxing day. My sister and I were actually a bit distressed when extended family relations calmed down and it meant we had to return to Christmas Day activities. Luckily, my folks also enjoyed the movie tradition, so we now see an 11am film before heading off for family stuff that evening. (This is easier, because we all cut the church attendance about a decade ago *smile*)
26
Yeah, in my experience, after the presents are open in the morning and the noon meal is eaten (we always eat the big meal of the day at lunchtime on holidays), there's not much else to do. And there's only so much family togetherness one can take. So, my family usually goes to a movie.
The year Jerry MaGuire came out, I saw it with my mom on Christmas.... which led me to regret that I was sitting next to her (on Christmas) while the woman sleeping with Tom Cruise early in the movie repeatedly yells "Never stop fucking me".
The year Jerry MaGuire came out, I saw it with my mom on Christmas.... which led me to regret that I was sitting next to her (on Christmas) while the woman sleeping with Tom Cruise early in the movie repeatedly yells "Never stop fucking me".
27
@8: Perhaps my impression of Christmas was twisted and distorted by the fact that my ex's family actually likes each other, and enjoys spending time together just eating and drinking and talking and such.
That said, I can testify to the fact that where and when I grew up, the vast majority of Christians stayed home with their families on Christmas day, and most certainly did not go to the movies.
That said, I can testify to the fact that where and when I grew up, the vast majority of Christians stayed home with their families on Christmas day, and most certainly did not go to the movies.
29
Goldy, I sympathize. I really do. I blame "The Christmas Story" and the duck that smiles at them. When our traditions start to become popular or disappear, it's depressing. Especially when your marriage has ended and you're trying to reconnect to SOMETHING so you don't feel alone. Make a new tradition, maybe.
I hope subsequent Xmas holidays have been/are less disappointing!
I wish I were surprised by the lack of sympathy from the commentariat.
I hope subsequent Xmas holidays have been/are less disappointing!
I wish I were surprised by the lack of sympathy from the commentariat.
30
I have been encouraging Goldy to delve into comedy but I can see why he may be hesitant: Some people insist on taking him seriously!!!
31
@ 29, why should we be sympathetic to an attack like this? Most of us "goyim" know that the term isn't one of endearment.
It's all in the telling. Had Goldy reported just on his shock and disappointment, his story would be more sympathetic. But no, he had to go all confrontational and immature. What kind of reaction do you expect?
It's all in the telling. Had Goldy reported just on his shock and disappointment, his story would be more sympathetic. But no, he had to go all confrontational and immature. What kind of reaction do you expect?
32
I agree with Matt from Denver. Goldy, you shouldn't be using that word. Only goyim can call each other "goyim". It's not cool when non-goyim go around using "the G word" to oppress us. It's racist! That being said...
What's up my goyim! G to the O to the Y-I-M!
What's up my goyim! G to the O to the Y-I-M!
33
@ 32, if you're suggesting I take offense, that's incorrect. I don't pout much when I'm called "whitey," either. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression.
34
I don't recall who gets credit here, but – from my year-end list of Best Slog Comments of 2011:
"Six thousand years of oppression and you complain about this?"
"Six thousand years of oppression and you complain about this?"
35
@32
I felt freed just typing it, like I was reclaiming something. My middle-class, midwest upbringing was so white-bread that I don't think I ever heard the word until my 20s. Is it perjorative?
I felt freed just typing it, like I was reclaiming something. My middle-class, midwest upbringing was so white-bread that I don't think I ever heard the word until my 20s. Is it perjorative?
37
Dear Goldy,
I'm sorry to read that your first December 25th post divorce was disappointing. I'm guessing your daughter was with her mum, too. So I'll send you a big virtual hug and many kind thoughts that you get choice seats at the movies this year.
Happy New Year.
Fondly,
k
I'm sorry to read that your first December 25th post divorce was disappointing. I'm guessing your daughter was with her mum, too. So I'll send you a big virtual hug and many kind thoughts that you get choice seats at the movies this year.
Happy New Year.
Fondly,
k
38
@ 35, it's not automatically pejorative, but Goldy clearly used it that way. Note that he also assumed everyone there was a Christmas-celebrating Christian with a family.
40
@38 Unless you can find me pictures of Goldy protesting outside Mel Brook's The Producer because of it's use of Hitler proving he's unable to separate history and humor, I'm gonna error on the side of he was exaggerating for comedic effect.
Your note of any assumption on his part is wrong. He didn't assume "everyone" there was christian, and he didn't assume everyone christian was with their families. He didn't even mention the word family. If you're gonna make shit up at least be amusing. Like Goldy!
Your note of any assumption on his part is wrong. He didn't assume "everyone" there was christian, and he didn't assume everyone christian was with their families. He didn't even mention the word family. If you're gonna make shit up at least be amusing. Like Goldy!
41
Ah, Goldy.
You just happen to live in a town that is chock full of FORMER/recovering christians for whom the movies serve the same purpose as for the Jews = a nice chance to see a movie on a day off.
As I told my mother the day before the first Rapture this year: "I doubt Seattle would even notice the Rapture."
You just happen to live in a town that is chock full of FORMER/recovering christians for whom the movies serve the same purpose as for the Jews = a nice chance to see a movie on a day off.
As I told my mother the day before the first Rapture this year: "I doubt Seattle would even notice the Rapture."
42
@ 40, let's go back to the tape.
Maybe you can parse this for me? Because my observations rest very firmly on these words.
I turn away from the ticket window toward the line of eager ticket holders stretching around the block, many of them dressed as their favorite Tolkien characters, and in my despair I rhetorically ask: "Don't you goyim have anything better to do on Christmas than go to the fucking movies?" To which an enragingly cheerful hobbit steps forward and offers: "Gee, that's not the Christmas spirit."
"I'll tell you what," I tell the hobbit in genuine anger [my emphasis] as I step toward him and his furry, ticket-holding friends, "You don't honor the way my people celebrate this holiday, and I won't honor yours."
Maybe you can parse this for me? Because my observations rest very firmly on these words.
44
@29,
The whiny tone of this post would inflame the commentariat no matter what the subject, but his verbal attack on some random moviegoer was really beyond the pale. At a minimum, he could have acknowledged how inappropriate it was (and blamed it on his post-divorce depression). But I doubt Goldy has ever considered that his actions were shitty, which is why he regularly and deservedly gets his ass kicked on Slog.
The whiny tone of this post would inflame the commentariat no matter what the subject, but his verbal attack on some random moviegoer was really beyond the pale. At a minimum, he could have acknowledged how inappropriate it was (and blamed it on his post-divorce depression). But I doubt Goldy has ever considered that his actions were shitty, which is why he regularly and deservedly gets his ass kicked on Slog.
45
hilarious! I almost peed my pants reading this. I admit, I was as mystified as you are when I discovered it was actually a tradition in some households to go see movies on Christmas. When I was temporarily part of one of these families, it made sense: there is a huge feast in midday. All of the men, beginning in middle age, retire from the table to various soft devices to sleep through several football broadcasts. The women gather around a table and play cards or gossip and nibble on things. This leaves 20-30 somethings and the kids basically out of the picture. leaving the snoozefest for some big-screen entertainment suddenly makes perfect sense in this context.
I've always been the male that breaks the mold at holiday times- I'm either walking around outside, talking to the women (ooo! forbidden), playing with neglected dogs or reading a book. I'm an only child- I was always a self-entertainer and never thought to lobby for a trip to go do anything on Christmas afternoon/evening. But in hindsight I would have liked it a lot.
I've always been the male that breaks the mold at holiday times- I'm either walking around outside, talking to the women (ooo! forbidden), playing with neglected dogs or reading a book. I'm an only child- I was always a self-entertainer and never thought to lobby for a trip to go do anything on Christmas afternoon/evening. But in hindsight I would have liked it a lot.
46
What is this? Pre-Seinfeld hackie retro-humor day?
Oh! Do the ones about how Jews don't ski and airline food next, Goldy!
Okay. Attempting to parse: You don't like other humans at popular activities and you prefer these activities be segregated secularly and "traditionally" to minimise bother to you personally.
I wonder. Do you participate in Halloween, Secret Santa, and Christmas parties? And that doesn't strike you as hypocritical at all? Of course not.
Well. There is a solution, of sorts: Move to Pakistan. Bring a Parka.
Oh! Do the ones about how Jews don't ski and airline food next, Goldy!
Okay. Attempting to parse: You don't like other humans at popular activities and you prefer these activities be segregated secularly and "traditionally" to minimise bother to you personally.
I wonder. Do you participate in Halloween, Secret Santa, and Christmas parties? And that doesn't strike you as hypocritical at all? Of course not.
Well. There is a solution, of sorts: Move to Pakistan. Bring a Parka.
48
For a brief time, I thought this year would be more traditional for us yids, that movie theaters wouldn't be jammed with all those apparently-sacrilegious goyim. Alas, it won't happen.
Why did I think that? It's simple, really. Christmas falls on a Sunday, so it would be treated more like Thanksgiving, i.e., watching NFL football. Finally, there would be something going on in the house that would both entertain the masses and insulate them from the less-savory and/or more gossipy relatives.
But then that damn Roger Goodell had to move this week's games to Saturday, thus killing my movie-going plans. Dammit!
Then again, maybe it's time for Goldy to transfer his tradition to a Christmas Eve trip to the multiplex. Both because of the football games all day and because Seattle goyim appear to be more faithful to the Norman Rockwell erev than to the day itself (if Slog comments are representative of the city's standard approach).
Why did I think that? It's simple, really. Christmas falls on a Sunday, so it would be treated more like Thanksgiving, i.e., watching NFL football. Finally, there would be something going on in the house that would both entertain the masses and insulate them from the less-savory and/or more gossipy relatives.
But then that damn Roger Goodell had to move this week's games to Saturday, thus killing my movie-going plans. Dammit!
Then again, maybe it's time for Goldy to transfer his tradition to a Christmas Eve trip to the multiplex. Both because of the football games all day and because Seattle goyim appear to be more faithful to the Norman Rockwell erev than to the day itself (if Slog comments are representative of the city's standard approach).
49
One year I went to see The Talented Mr. Ripley on xmas day, then had dinner and martinis at Von's.
That was a good christmas for this ex catholic!
That was a good christmas for this ex catholic!
51
It's just now occurred to me that the first person who introduced me to the concept of going to the movies on Christmas was my father's devout Christian fourth wife who celebrated a traditional American Christmas; and that was more than 20 years ago.
Growing up, my family always celebrated a Danish Christmas, where you sit down to lunch/dinner in the late afternoon and eat and drink for several hours.
American Christmases start at approximately 1 pm, when Americans start shoveling food down their gullets, and end at approximately 1:30. Of course they go to the movies afterward, just like on Thanksgiving.
Growing up, my family always celebrated a Danish Christmas, where you sit down to lunch/dinner in the late afternoon and eat and drink for several hours.
American Christmases start at approximately 1 pm, when Americans start shoveling food down their gullets, and end at approximately 1:30. Of course they go to the movies afterward, just like on Thanksgiving.
52
Man. I've been going to movies on Christmas day for most of my life. We always did presents and stuff on Christmas Eve, so by 2 or 3 on Christmas, it was movie time.
53
Wait, this is a Jew thing?
When I lived in Boston many moons ago, my blue-blooded Beacon-Hill Mayflower-family type friends all went out to the movies on Christmas day. Well, the younger-ish ones, at any rate.
I'm thinking our Goldy might be getting about 95% of his cultural awareness from television dramas.
When I lived in Boston many moons ago, my blue-blooded Beacon-Hill Mayflower-family type friends all went out to the movies on Christmas day. Well, the younger-ish ones, at any rate.
I'm thinking our Goldy might be getting about 95% of his cultural awareness from television dramas.
54
Tough shit, Goldy.
You can stuff your righteous sense of entitlement right up your purulent ass for all I care.
You can stuff your righteous sense of entitlement right up your purulent ass for all I care.
55
I have a holiday tradition of drinking a bottle of Manischewitz and eating ham, but one year Christmas Eve was concurrent with Hanukkah so when I went to the grocery store to pick up a bottle the Kikes had already bought it all. Goddam you people!
56
When I was a teenager I worked at a movie theater, and let me tell you, when Godfather III opened up on Christmas Day 1990, it was PACKED. Our 1200-seat main theater was sold out for every show by some time in the early afternoon. And I didn't live in an area with many Jews. When I started working there, they warned us that we would be expected to work on holidays, since those are some of the busiest days of the year, so this had been going on for some time. Thanksgiving, too. You know what were really slow days? Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve.
I didn't know about it before I started working there, because my family always just went to church and then stayed at home on Christmas. But apparently a lot of people take the time to go see movies.
I didn't know about it before I started working there, because my family always just went to church and then stayed at home on Christmas. But apparently a lot of people take the time to go see movies.
58
Shanghai Garden is packed at 4pm, and it was filled with non-Jews. What is wrong with you people? Get your own damned holidays.
59
Driving from Portland to Seattle today, we pulled off I-5 in Centralia te see if any place was open for lunch. "There has simply got to be a Chinese restaurant open in this town." And there was! Peking Garden, about a half mile east of the freeway at Exit 82. Nothing special, really, but hot, tasty, and big-ass portions, too. Any other day it's a two-star Chinese joint, but on Christmas it's four-stars.
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