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Friday, December 16, 2011

Books / Retail Let Me Help You with Your Christmas Shopping Tomorrow

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 11:35 AM

I promise that I will not recommend this book to you.

I promise that I will not recommend this book to you.

Tomorrow afternoon at 3 pm, I'll be sitting in a holiday advice booth at University Book Store. What does this mean for you? It means you can come and ask me for free book shopping recommendations. Need a novel for your cool teenage nephew who really dug the Dragonlance series but is now drifting away from books? Want to get your mom to quit talking about how great The Help was? Looking for a great comic book for your girlfriend? I will happily assist you in finding the perfect book.

I'll be at the advice booth for about an hour, and my old bookselling muscles are aching for a workout. Let me help you find something for everyone on your shopping list, so you can finally know the simple joy of finishing your holiday shopping a full week before Christmas. I can make your shopping experience as painless as humanly possible, starting at 3 pm tomorrow. See you there.

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My GF, the Future Mrs. Dr. Awesome has a younger brother, he lives in eastern Washington, listens to Beck and Limbaugh religiously (and can repeat long diatribes from their shows word-for-word). He believes you can't have too many guns, he believes that fake blue testicles on a pick-up truck are both high art and a sign of a cultured sense of humor.

He brags about how much he makes (which is not much) but he criticizes schoolteachers for complaining about their salaries. He believes that everything Obama has done- absolutely everything- is proof that Obama is implementing Socialism in America (most of these things are made up, see below).

He is proud of the fact that he hates reading, he apparently gets most or all of his news via word-of-mouth (and the dolts he gets it from are usually so bloody wrong about things it's hilarious). His racism is appalling for its frequency and his blindness to it. He thinks most problems can be solved by shouting.

I asked TFMDA to get me the book "Tears of a Clown" for X-mas just so I can open it in front of him and explain it to him. We'll see how it goes...

What would you recommend I get for him, Paul?

Posted by Dr_Awesome on December 16, 2011 at 11:49 AM

This is great, Paul - have a terrific time at (SEATTLE'S OLDEST INDIE BOOKSTORE) UBS. ...And for anyone who can't make the bookstore tomorrow, remember that there are also a bunch of librarians who would love to help you with this as well, at www.spl.org/yournext5/ or over at Questionland: http://questionland.com/topics/book-reco…

@Dr. - and you're thinking of getting this guy a book... why?

Posted by Guybrarian

on December 16, 2011 at 12:15 PM

Re-read @1, O Man of Letters :)

Thx for mentioning Questionland; I realized with a jolt this morning that I hadn't heard anything of it on Slog in a while. Glad to see it's still going.

Posted by rob!

on December 16, 2011 at 12:24 PM

Wait, Wait - I can't wimp out like that. For the Good Doctor's future brother-in-law, I suggest you upgrade him to a set of them nice CHROME truck balls (http://www.amazon.com/Truck-Nutz-Complet… ) and - having thus sweetened his disposition, throw in a copy of Harry Frankfurt's "On Bullshit," which is tiny and has a title he'll be guffawing over (if he's really the cretinous troglodyte you paint him to be), but which just might stir up the grey matter in interesting ways.

The fact that amazon.com will sell you both Harry Frankfurt AND chrome testicles for your truck is, sadly, why they are the Premiere Bookseller they are. Sigh.

Posted by Guybrarian

on December 16, 2011 at 12:26 PM

It was way easier just buying large Christmas cans of excellent drinking chocolate from Theo's Chocolate at Bartells, to go along with Chia Trolls.

Even right-wing conservatives love those.

Posted by Will in Seattle