Slog
News & ArtsThursday, December 15, 2011
LGBTQITSLFA Gay Dads Find Out They're Gonna Be Grandpas
Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Dec 15, 2011 at 8:25 AM
Don't make the mistake I did: this isn't a video you watch with your headphones in and the volume on high.
Best comment over at YouTube:
Easy to tell who the bottom is. LOL. Baby gonna have some dope clothes!
For the record: the bottom isn't always easy to spot and those first impressions—dude shrieks and drinks appletinis? bottom! dude grunts and drinks beer? top!—are often wrong. You just never know. But, yeah, that kid is gonna have some dope clothes, for sure. Congrats to the whole family!
2
I knew exactly what was coming, but that didn't stop me from grinning.
And I'm with you on the first impressions thing. With my uncles, the 6'4 bulky guy is the one who'd be jumping up and down and screaming. My skinny, 5'8 uncle is the quiet, reserved one.
And I'm with you on the first impressions thing. With my uncles, the 6'4 bulky guy is the one who'd be jumping up and down and screaming. My skinny, 5'8 uncle is the quiet, reserved one.
7
Do people still assume there's always a bottom and a top in gay relationships? Isn't that just 1990s code for the 1970s question posed to gay/lesbian couples: "who's the woman? who's the man?" Can we get over these fucking iron-clad gender roles already?
8
Dan, you say "the bottom isn't always easy to spot." In gay male relationships, is there really one partner who (mostly) is penetrated, and one who (mostly) does the penetrating (and just gets his partner off with hand-jobs)?
10
Sweet. I spent part of Sunday photographing proud grandfathers with their new granddaughter for their holiday cards. So sweet. Yay for love.
12
I suspect my reaction will be the same. Can't wait to have grand-kids, then I can spoil them like my kids grandparents do!
13
@8 It depends- from my experience, a majority of guys tend to be predominantly one or the other. I have always made it a point to be versatile myself- just to keep my options open. ;)
16
Ah, dropping the 'you're going to be grandparents' bomb. One of my sweetest memories ever. Gay/Straight/Whatever -- its a truely great life moment. I look forward to being on the other side of the conversation in ten years or so....
18
Not that it makes any difference, but does anyone know if the grandpas are the woman or her partner's parents?
21
Danny, did you know that Mitt Romney wouldn't just be our first Mormon president, if he manages to get himself elected, but the first Gay GrandPa to sit in the Oval Office too?
22
Jesus...the top/bottom dynamic is as archaic as "which one of you is the 'man' and which one is the 'woman'?"
yeah, we all lean one way or the other, but locking yourself into hyper specific roles, is so 1982.
And, we've all known/encountered more than one 'nancy boy' who turns out to be a power top...
yeah, we all lean one way or the other, but locking yourself into hyper specific roles, is so 1982.
And, we've all known/encountered more than one 'nancy boy' who turns out to be a power top...
23
@14 Dan, any evidence that younger folks are more versatile than their elders? I'm hopeful that the rigid roles (derived from essentialist ideas about gender) will break down over time.
24
Aw, that was awesome.
And everyone knows grandparents don't fuck anymore so the whole top/bottom discussion is moot.
And everyone knows grandparents don't fuck anymore so the whole top/bottom discussion is moot.
25
I find the whole idea of associating bottoming with feminine mannerisms (and v-v) to be awfully one-dimensional, but that seems to be the standard assumption. The top/bottom thing doesn't have anything to do with gendered roles in the relationship, just what gets you off.
26
Heartwarming. Someday we'll get to reference gay folks without having to discuss their bedroom habits. It's just so tacky.
27
I figured one was her dad and one was his dad. It's so difficult to tell these days. Look how insecure Benjamin was our first time.
28
As for this top and bottoming thing, I always say, "Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home..."
30
As if making babies is some sort of unique rarely seen event, something that happens only once every 200 years, and there fore requires all this jumping up and down and acting Queeny.
31
That was sweet. But I don't understand the urge to have one's old children, let alone wanting to have grandchildren.
32
My husband and I couldn't sleep for the final month. We got the booties, blankets, bassanette, bed and everything in blue because we knew it was going to be a boy ( alliteration is my super power). The doctor assures us of the date so we head out for a quick trip to Hawai'i with plenty of time to get back before the big day. Yep. Our little red-headed grandson was born about the moment we touched down in Honolulu. He's a 3rd grader this year and, of course, there was never a more wonderful kid who ever lived on this planet.
37
Thank you, Ms Erica. We really ought to know better and be past that sort of thing by now.
As for grandparenting, I think Miss Brodie said it best. For those who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing they like. More power to them for the most part.
As for grandparenting, I think Miss Brodie said it best. For those who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing they like. More power to them for the most part.
38
@27: Hey, Mrs. Robinson. Are you the new incarnation of the "Last of the Time Lords" guy? He disappeared about the same time you showed up here on Slog, and your M. O.s seem very similar.
39
Adorable. The video is about a year old and if you look at the channel, you'll see they have a moon-faced baby boy by now.
43
@Erica: I normally agree with you completely, and I'm with you that making assumptions about top/bottom is old-fashioned at best . But for some people 'rigid roles' are the right choice, and shouldn't be de-legitimized as an option as part of some gender theory construct.
There's joy in diversity. If everyone was 'versatile' and non-conforming to stereotypical roles wouldn't the world be less interesting? If some individuals are strongly 'top' and others strongly 'bottom', and they can find each other, isn't that hunky-dory?
I've found that one of the virtues of getting older is figuring yourself out--what you like and dislike, what you are good at and what you aren't good at. If that process leads a person to conclude "I'm 100% bottom", for example, shouldn't that be just as reasonable of a conclusion as any?
And oh yeah: heartwarming video. Very sweet.
There's joy in diversity. If everyone was 'versatile' and non-conforming to stereotypical roles wouldn't the world be less interesting? If some individuals are strongly 'top' and others strongly 'bottom', and they can find each other, isn't that hunky-dory?
I've found that one of the virtues of getting older is figuring yourself out--what you like and dislike, what you are good at and what you aren't good at. If that process leads a person to conclude "I'm 100% bottom", for example, shouldn't that be just as reasonable of a conclusion as any?
And oh yeah: heartwarming video. Very sweet.
44
@43, There's a difference between on the one hand, speaking from your own experience (me, I'm a sub (although even then, I might put in some caveats about how after 20 years as a sub, I've recently learned to take some pleasure from tying people up, and from pegging, and so who knows what's in my future..))...
and on the other hand looking for who's the top and who's the bottom in a gay relationship just because you think there must be one of each. Not everyone has to be gender queer or a switch, but if you assume that people come in binaries (top/bottom, male/female, dom/sub, extrovert/introvert), then you push people to be more like whatever side of the binary you think they are. I act like a woman because my life's easier that way, conforming to people's expectations, but I sometimes wish there weren't any expectations around gender at all. Just a lot of options from which to choose.
and on the other hand looking for who's the top and who's the bottom in a gay relationship just because you think there must be one of each. Not everyone has to be gender queer or a switch, but if you assume that people come in binaries (top/bottom, male/female, dom/sub, extrovert/introvert), then you push people to be more like whatever side of the binary you think they are. I act like a woman because my life's easier that way, conforming to people's expectations, but I sometimes wish there weren't any expectations around gender at all. Just a lot of options from which to choose.
45
Ms Erica - You're not missing much, but I expect you'd have to experience it for yourself to accept such an assertion.
46
Eh, if he is a bottom, I'll bet he's a bossy one.
And second the hot Grandpas comments above.
And third the silly grinnings.
And second the hot Grandpas comments above.
And third the silly grinnings.
47
Who is that guy kidding?
They can tell him he's going to be a grandfather at Christmas, again, and still get this kind of response, again.
Peace.
They can tell him he's going to be a grandfather at Christmas, again, and still get this kind of response, again.
Peace.
48
@45 what would I have to experience? Sorry to be so slow; I often feel that I can't keep up with you...
49
I sort of figured the "bottom" guy was the dad who raised her or was her bio-dad, and maybe his partner came into the family a little later or something (but is still happy and all). The comment on you-tube is prejudiced and bigoted, even though it's topped-off with a sort of (also prejudiced) complement of sorts. Plus, I've known many gay men who couldn't pick out clothes for shit (they mostly lived in the Midwest). That baby isn't going to be well-decorated, it's going to be LOOOOVED!
50
Hmm. I don't see any hope that the grandson will be well-dressed. Rather the opposite, judging from the grandparents.
51
Ms Erica - It was in response to:
[I act like a woman because my life's easier that way, conforming to people's expectations, but I sometimes wish there weren't any expectations around gender at all. Just a lot of options from which to choose.]
I've always acted as if people's expectations in that regard were irrelevant - or, often more accurately, as if I hadn't even received a copy of the handbook, which may be closest to the truth. I wouldn't do anything differently, but I think the grass is just as green on your side. But maybe you'd have to see it for yourself to decide if you agreed or not.
[I act like a woman because my life's easier that way, conforming to people's expectations, but I sometimes wish there weren't any expectations around gender at all. Just a lot of options from which to choose.]
I've always acted as if people's expectations in that regard were irrelevant - or, often more accurately, as if I hadn't even received a copy of the handbook, which may be closest to the truth. I wouldn't do anything differently, but I think the grass is just as green on your side. But maybe you'd have to see it for yourself to decide if you agreed or not.
53
From the way you say you didn't get the handbook, it sounds like neither you or I got to make a choice in this area...
55
It's been two whole days since you posted this, so I thought I'd wander back to glance at the comments.
What a shock (NOT) to see that our resident pest-troll (aka SB, not the frantic fruit-fly that's been buzzing around for the last few days) has not made a single comment here. How can that be? He keeps talking about behaviour and its "consequences". ::mock sighs::
I guess these particular consequences involving two gay dads, their now-adult child and the announcement that they're going to be grandpas are simply too horrible for SB to envision. To even think that these two men loved their child and are thrilled that they're going to be full participants in the next generation of their expanding family unit must be an illogical paradox of old-Trek proportions.
::pretends to listen to repeated "does--not--compute" until evil computer goes all 'splodey::
What a shock (NOT) to see that our resident pest-troll (aka SB, not the frantic fruit-fly that's been buzzing around for the last few days) has not made a single comment here. How can that be? He keeps talking about behaviour and its "consequences". ::mock sighs::
I guess these particular consequences involving two gay dads, their now-adult child and the announcement that they're going to be grandpas are simply too horrible for SB to envision. To even think that these two men loved their child and are thrilled that they're going to be full participants in the next generation of their expanding family unit must be an illogical paradox of old-Trek proportions.
::pretends to listen to repeated "does--not--compute" until evil computer goes all 'splodey::
56
Oh come on, all you people saying that the top/bottom thing is archaic. There are guys who genuinely prefer to only top or only bottom! I'm not one of them myself, but calling someone out of date simply because he's a top is just as offensive as assuming that someone is a bottom simply because he's effeminate.
57
Also, on a happy note, I love that little moment of hesitation while it settles in...and then the freakout. Adorable!
58
@56, read @44. It's archaic to assume that all gay couples are made up of a top & a bottom. It's not archaic to be a top if that's what turns you on.
59
That's the way my mom and dad were when I told them I was pregnant - no different than these folks. To me, that's the whole point. (Although, I don't think either of them used the word "fucking," but I'm sure dad was thinking it!)
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