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Thursday, December 15, 2011

"Are you guys in that paper that much of a big fucking idiot you can't get your story straight?"

Posted by on Thu, Dec 15, 2011 at 1:52 PM

Figured I'd clean out my voicemail, what with the end of the year approaching and all. Turns out I missed an important call:

Received Sunday, Dec. 4 at 1:55 p.m.

Yes, I was reading your article at The Stranger, saying that the wealthiest of this state pay no income tax. NO ONE IN THIS STATE PAYS INCOME TAX! Are you guys in that paper that much of a big fucking idiot you can’t get your story straight? Or are you just trying to rabble rouse a bunch of idiots—idiot kids—and brain dead stoners who have no clue about anything that’s going on in this state. You seriously have got some serious issues. Why don’t you try printing the truth for once instead of this communist propaganda?

Time for a poll!

 

Comments (34) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
ryanayr 1
last time I checked I live in this state and I pay federal income tax.
Posted by ryanayr on December 15, 2011 at 1:55 PM · Report this
nseattlite 2
I'll keep this in mind for my 2011 federal income tax filing.
Posted by nseattlite on December 15, 2011 at 1:56 PM · Report this
Scalpel 3
I love fotrune cookies!
Posted by Scalpel on December 15, 2011 at 1:57 PM · Report this
Donolectic 4
Fotrune cookies are the best, filled with fot and runes. The runes make them magically delicious.
Posted by Donolectic on December 15, 2011 at 2:00 PM · Report this
5
I was going to say Bibles, but you specifically forbade communist propaganda.
Posted by tired and true on December 15, 2011 at 2:01 PM · Report this
merry 6
It would be super-sweet if every paper copy of The Stranger came with a few freshly-printed 20s or 50s stuck in the middle.

Who needs offensive tobacco advertising??

PRINT MONEY PLS
Posted by merry on December 15, 2011 at 2:02 PM · Report this
7
Fotrune cookies give me the squirts but I can't stop eating them. That's how much of a big fucking idiot we are all up in here.
Posted by gloomy gus on December 15, 2011 at 2:03 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 8
Property deeds to the untaxed nonprofits and foundations, assigning ownership rights to Seattle's homeless Citizens.

Also, I pay federal income tax, SS, medicare, even if my tax rate is 9.8 percent because the system is rigged for massive savers and investors. Not for US job-creating consumers or the US small businesses that create the jobs.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on December 15, 2011 at 2:04 PM · Report this
care bear 9
Fortune cookies, please!
Posted by care bear on December 15, 2011 at 2:09 PM · Report this
Allyn 10
I'm hoping that by the new year, we poor of this country will rebuke the dollar in favor of exchanging wooden dowels for goods and services.

But if that doesn't happen, you should definitely start printing money.
Posted by Allyn on December 15, 2011 at 2:15 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 11
This makes me want to call the Stranger offices and leave an incoherent complaint on their voicemail.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on December 15, 2011 at 2:17 PM · Report this
Fnarf 12
@10, let me guess, you have a house full of wooden dowels?
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on December 15, 2011 at 2:21 PM · Report this
13
ryanayr, you think you paid income tax because you are stoned. stop trying to think, go make a rice krispie burrito.
Posted by modrachlan srarmons on December 15, 2011 at 2:25 PM · Report this
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe 14
Circulars with discount coupons for gentlemen's clubs.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://www.you-read-it-here-first.com on December 15, 2011 at 2:25 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 15
@1: "last time I checked I live in this state and I pay federal income tax."

Yeah, dude is either really stupid or too rich to sully himself with what the commoners do every April.
Posted by undead ayn rand on December 15, 2011 at 2:28 PM · Report this
16
If you do start printing fortune cookies, please go back to printing actual fortunes, instead of advice or observations. I don't need to know that I should listen to my heart or hear about priceless children-smiles. I want some good old fashioned "You will meet a dark stranger after a long journey" cookies.
Posted by Jen in Madison on December 15, 2011 at 2:29 PM · Report this
undead ayn rand 17
@10: "I'm hoping that by the new year, we poor of this country will rebuke the dollar in favor of exchanging wooden dowels for goods and services."

Reminds me of the conservative politician who said the solution to our health care crisis was that "like in her day" the poor should just give a doctor ten eggs and a chicken for their services.
Posted by undead ayn rand on December 15, 2011 at 2:39 PM · Report this
18
I can't stop thinking about Rice Krispie Burritos.
Posted by SweetDarkLord on December 15, 2011 at 2:50 PM · Report this
Simone 19
Chocolate fortune cookies please.
Posted by Simone on December 15, 2011 at 2:50 PM · Report this
ryanayr 20
@15 - or he hasn't ever had an income and doesn't know any better.

@13 - Ummm, I'm gluten intolerant and vegan, sooooo, yeah, a Rice Krispie burrito isn't going to work for me. Instead, I think I will make an all-vegan rice-Krispie fajita using quinoa-based tortillas, and a yummy zuchinni, squash and lentil fillings, seasoned with saffron. The Rice Krispies will add a great texture to the fajitas in this seasonal delight, while I smoke Salvia out of a bong with a blowtorch I made out of a broken propane lantern. Thanks for the tip!
Posted by ryanayr on December 15, 2011 at 2:51 PM · Report this
Allyn 21
@12 Shit. No. Guess I'd still be poor.

I've got plastic spoons, though. That'd buy me a pack of TP, wouldn't it?
Posted by Allyn on December 15, 2011 at 2:56 PM · Report this
ryanayr 22
@21 - use the plastic spoons as toilet paper. Take out the middle man.
Posted by ryanayr on December 15, 2011 at 3:02 PM · Report this
23
Had to go with:

"Fotrune cookie fortunes" - Not sure what a fotrune is but I am sure that it is mighty tasty!
Posted by Senor Guy on December 15, 2011 at 3:33 PM · Report this
24
fuckin A bibles!!! great for cocealing liquor or guns (cutouts). best kindling too!
Posted by masgroovy on December 15, 2011 at 3:51 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 25
I had some fortune cookies laying around and last night when I got home from my 20 mile bike ride I opened one up and it said "You need to improve your exercise routine."

WTF? That's the worst fortune ever. Not only is it bitchy, I just had a very nice bit of exercise that I do consistently. And it doesn't sound cool with "...in bed." on the end. What a crappy fortune.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on December 15, 2011 at 4:31 PM · Report this
26
fools like this wouldn't know propaganda if fox news was fucking them in the ass with it 24-hours per day--AND IT IS.
Posted by Adrian Ryan on December 15, 2011 at 5:02 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 27
If you guys had compostable "plastic" spoons, you could totally compost them after using them for rollers.

But then, that's what we do in real places.

You take the toilet paper out of the SPD bathrooms.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on December 15, 2011 at 5:04 PM · Report this
28
That whole Tax the Rich argument is sooooo 2010. Here it is over a year later, and we've already moved past Eat the Rich and onto Smelt the Rich.

Do you clean out your voice mail every fourscore years or is that how often the caller cleans out the complaint file?
Posted by stating the obvious on December 15, 2011 at 5:19 PM · Report this
29
Fortune cookies. And all of them should say either "You will find happiness with a new love" or "Stick with your wife."

Posted by rhymeswithlibrarian on December 15, 2011 at 6:07 PM · Report this
Zebes 30
COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA
Posted by Zebes http://www.badrap.org/rescue/index.html on December 15, 2011 at 7:52 PM · Report this
LEE. 31
I just can't get past "you seriously have some serious issues". that's a really great line. which I why I voted for the 5th option. hoping his kick-off column is titled something along the lines of "You Fucking Fuckers Are Fucked Up! (Make Me A Sandwich)'
Posted by LEE. on December 15, 2011 at 7:55 PM · Report this
Fred Casely 32
Yes, I was reading your article at The Stranger
I'm sure they were glad you stopped by, but it really wasn't necessary. They have it on the Internet, and they also print up a bunch of them and leave them all around town, so you can get your own (it's free!) to take home and read there.
Posted by Fred Casely on December 15, 2011 at 9:08 PM · Report this
treacle 33
I'm glad so many of you want the Stranger to print fortunes, if they printed money, we'd end up with in flation and no one would be happy about it. (As opposed to now, of course. )ll
Posted by treacle on December 15, 2011 at 9:38 PM · Report this
aardvark 34
actually i think you guys should have a page dedicated to the best criticisms of this sort, every week. this one in the "From Dad" bin. "grow up, stoners!"
Posted by aardvark on December 16, 2011 at 10:01 AM · Report this

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