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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Newt Gingrich's Monkey Butt, Blago's rules

Posted by on Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 11:00 AM

Lynn Sweet, long-time Chicago Sun-Times Washington correspondent, has some wisdom gleaned from David Axelrod as the Obama 2012 campaign gears up. Well worth reading if for nothing else than this anecdote/metaphor:

“I told my colleagues yesterday a bit of homespun wisdom that I got from an alderman in Chicago some years ago when one of his . . . colleagues wanted to run for higher office and he was really dubious. He said, ‘just remember the higher a monkey climbs on a pole, the more you can see his butt.’ So, you know, the Speaker is very high on the pole right now and we’ll see how people like the view.”

Axelrod told me afterwards that the alderman was [Dick] Mell.

Mell is Rod Blagojevich's estranged father-in-law. And ST's Mark Brown looked into the rules Blago's looking at living with for 12 or 13 years. I was most interested in the price list for commissary items:

Sweat pants, size large, will cost him $15.75. A thermal shirt goes for $7.80. Boxer briefs will set him back $7.25 for a two-pair package. Shower shoes are $4.45. Tennis balls are $3.65 each. Batting gloves are $10.40 for the right hand or $21.85 for a pair.

Iced oatmeal cookies 65 cents. Limit ten. Butterscotch pudding $1.35. Limit two. Tuna fish $2. Limit 10.

A Sony Walkman AM-FM radio costs $37.05. It’s the only such device offered. Throw in Koss headphones for $18.85 more.

Not Alcatraz, but not exactly Club Fed. . .


Comments (9) RSS

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Allyn 1
The “club fed” moniker has disturbed me since I regularly visited the federal prison camp in Sheridan, Oregon as a teen. Sure, they had walk-offs (the “camp” is right next to a highway (who picks up hitchhikers THAT close to a prison?!??)) but those men, once found, were sent to medium-security prison.

It’s not nice. It’s not as bad as maximum security, but it’s not summer camp either, and the guards take it upon themselves to make it the worst experience of a prisoner’s life – just because they can. And while I met a few decent-human guards there, the fact that they didn’t call out the twisted fucks makes them just as bad as the evil guards.

Blago’s time won’t be spent getting raped in the showers or breaking stones, but it won’t be fun; it’ll be merely tolerable.
Posted by Allyn on December 14, 2011 at 11:24 AM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 2
Of course, there's no guarantee he'll be coming here to Denver. The BoP tends to be a little, er, capricious when it comes to such things.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty on December 14, 2011 at 11:42 AM · Report this
I think the Judge's recommendation matters, and Zagel seems down with this choice. Interesting that Blago isn't trying to be closer to home, Terre Haute or Oxford, where Ryan and Rosty are doing/did their time.
Posted by Chicago Fan on December 14, 2011 at 11:48 AM · Report this
Probably exposing my ignorance here....

But doesn't the batting glove pricing discriminate against left handers?
Posted by SteveWest on December 14, 2011 at 12:55 PM · Report this
Probably exposing my ignorance here....

But doesn't the batting glove pricing discriminate against left handers?
Posted by SteveWest on December 14, 2011 at 12:58 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 6
Of course it does! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty on December 14, 2011 at 1:05 PM · Report this
Fnarf 7
@1, I think there really was a Club Fed several years ago, where rich, connected prisoners could order takeout food, swim whenever they wanted, etc. but that's all been taken away under new rules. And it was never all of them, not even all of the minimum-security prisons.

Of course, if you don't give a crap about rehabilitation or controlling recidivism, and all you care about is brutalizing prisoners -- the American way -- then it's important to make prison as miserable and mind-destroying as possible. I think most Americans would be comfortable bringing back eighteenth-century prison conditions, cholera and all. If there's one thing all Americans can join together and really get behind, it's MAKING PEOPLE SUFFER.
Posted by Fnarf on December 14, 2011 at 1:14 PM · Report this
Allyn 8
We're good at that.
Posted by Allyn on December 14, 2011 at 1:17 PM · Report this
rob! 9

Maybe they'll have that at the prison commissary, but I doubt it...
Posted by rob! on December 14, 2011 at 5:49 PM · Report this

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