Slog
News & ArtsWednesday, December 7, 2011
Death Death with Dignity
Posted by Dominic Holden on Wed, Dec 7, 2011 at 2:25 PM
I know this is Northwest blasphemy and all, but good God, let the Kalakala sink already. How many more news stories can one decrepit boat be expected to float? I know, I know—we've all been told—the Kalakala was fucking exquisite back in her day. But now she's a listing graveyard of mossy bones. It's gonna take more than duct tape to fix her. And anyone who spends $50 million on the restoration budget right now for a machine that will never be truly useful again—when pictures will totally suffice for nostalgic purposes, and we have a functioning ferry system—has their priorities backwards. Kalakala's advocates are warning that she "needs repairs completed to keep her afloat." No! Let the poor thing die.
3
At first, I too was angry at Dominic for what he just said.
And then I realized it would make a great target for Occupy Kalakala, and with just a few bags of fertilizer and a drum of fuel, could make for a very fun New Years experience and object lesson.
Especially if we could get it moving and ram it into the docks near the Tolled Tunnel of Terribleness "entrance".
Film rights available on spec.
And then I realized it would make a great target for Occupy Kalakala, and with just a few bags of fertilizer and a drum of fuel, could make for a very fun New Years experience and object lesson.
Especially if we could get it moving and ram it into the docks near the Tolled Tunnel of Terribleness "entrance".
Film rights available on spec.
4
Quite so. And the Kalakala was never "exquisite"; it was a freak show. It was a terrible, terrible boat on its best day, famously shuddering its way across the water like a whale with Parkinson's. What it was was weird-looking. Cool, I guess, if you're into giant toasters. It's an exemplar of oddity, but it's going to sink whether you throw $50 mil at it or not.
There have been a million more interesting boats in the area. Where's the preservation money for the mosquito fleet?
There have been a million more interesting boats in the area. Where's the preservation money for the mosquito fleet?
5
Haul it out of the water. Mount it in Fife along 99. Make a theme restaurant that will turn over ownership every few years like those train cars in SODO.
May we never hear of it again.
May we never hear of it again.
7
Fnarf has it. It's like digging up your gramma's bones and trying to put them back together. Let her go.
8
Turn it upside down and turn it into an interactive "Poseidon Adventure Experience" at $40 a pop and you've got a winner.
9
Aw. Will none of you savages but me link to an image of the Port Townsend mural of the old barnacle farm in its glory days?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/co…
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/co…
10
Is there no tribe left with the scratch to turn it into a casino, or Microsoft billionaire looking for a houseboat to feature on WealthTV?
11
I just saw someone on Facebook insist that the Gates Foundation should "invest in its community for a change" by buying this hunk of shit and wasting $50 million on it.
14
Cut it into small pieces, and sell those pieces with a photo of the ferry from her "glory days". Donate the profits to real and useful ferries.
15
Sloggers are used to Seattle having so many icons, but back in the day, it was the Smith Tower and the Kalakala and . . .
Take a listen to what it was like then.
Kind of sad to hear this cynical and nasty grumbling from people who are more than happy to saddle historic building owners with the cost of preservation but unwilling to commit public dollars to the cause. Aren't we better for having preserved the cannery workers housing in Belltown? Aren't you glad David Brewster et al. stepped up and saved Town Hall (formerly a Christian Science church)? Should we let decrepit Washington Hall go too? And yet what have we preserved of Seattle's maritime history?
Dom, you suck.
Take a listen to what it was like then.
Kind of sad to hear this cynical and nasty grumbling from people who are more than happy to saddle historic building owners with the cost of preservation but unwilling to commit public dollars to the cause. Aren't we better for having preserved the cannery workers housing in Belltown? Aren't you glad David Brewster et al. stepped up and saved Town Hall (formerly a Christian Science church)? Should we let decrepit Washington Hall go too? And yet what have we preserved of Seattle's maritime history?
Dom, you suck.
17
I doubt you'll ever get the smell of fish out of the poor thing in order to make it viable. Even with all the repairs.
It needs to die a dignified death. You can come visit its picture via the mural in Port Angeles if you need to see it badly.
It needs to die a dignified death. You can come visit its picture via the mural in Port Angeles if you need to see it badly.
19
I'm all for a retrofit, but only if there's additional money to retrofit the carcass of Ivar! Think of the tourist dollars as people pour in to the Kalakala Lounge to hear salty ditties of Seattle's seafaring days of yore...
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