Sent last night to I, Anonymous:

Dear popular local ice creamery: I used to be your biggest fan. I had your flavors memorized and frequented your stores on a daily basis. My favorite flavor was Starburst, which tasted like all of the Starburst flavors churned together with heavenly cream. Starburst was initially listed as a "Seasonal" flavor but then YOU, in YOUR own handwriting, added to the list of "Always" flavors. One day, to my horror, Starburst was gone! I was grossly offended by your flagrant lie. And to add insult to injury, you replaced Starburst with SPRING GARLIC! And we both know that was a fluke. Now, you have betrayed me again. For the past three years, you offered Candy Cane ice cream throughout the month of December. Because it is a "Seasonal" flavor, I know to stock up on pints andrtation them throughout the year. I cherish each bite and patiently look forward to Candy Cane season. I recently learned that you replaced Candy Cane ice cream with Hot Chocolate Peppermint ice cream. Those with a discerning palate, such as myself, know that peppermint and candy cane are not the same. Candy Canes are unique to Christmas time whereas peppermints sit in a bowl by cash registers at Vietnamese restaurants all year. Do you not care about your loyal customers? By continuing to pander to the latest hipster whims and ignoring the business of your most loyal customers, YOU will change from an "ALWAYS" business to a "SEASONAL" business.

Dear weirdly particular ice-cream freak: I was about to recommend you try Yogurtland's delicious peppermint flavor (SO GOOD! My dream of edible toothpaste is one step closer to reality!) but then I remembered peppermint and Candy Cane are opposites. Good luck.