Mr. Speaker, I urge you to pick a pro-family venue* and give a speech (not an interview) addressing your martial history once and for all. It should be clear that this speech will be “it” and will not be repeated, only referenced.
As you prepare that speech, you should picture in your mind a 40-something Evangelical married woman whose 40-something sister just had her heart broken by an Evangelical husband who has just filed for divorce, having previously promised in church, before God, his wife and “these assembled witnesses” to “love, honor and cherish until death us do part.”
Focus on her as if she were your only audience...You need to make it as clear as you possibly can that you deeply regret your past actions and that you do understand the anguish and suffering they caused others including your former spouses. Make it as clear as you can that you have apologized for the hurt your actions caused and that you have learned from your past misdeeds. Express your love for, and loyalty to, your wife and your commitment to your marriage. Promise your fellow Americans that if they are generous enough to trust you with the presidency, you will not let them down and that there will be no moral scandals in a Gingrich White House.
Part of me would love to see this, just because it would physically pain Newt Gingrich to grovel, and that pain would be written all over his enormous face. I don't believe Gingrich will do this—he thinks he's onto something with his stock "it's-none-of-your-business" response—but Evangelicals believe that everything sexual is their business, and they won't be happy until he humiliates himself in public and begs for forgiveness. I could watch this dance forever.
* What's an anti-family venue? Was Dick Land seriously worried Gingrich was going to give this hypothetical speech from the floor of a gay bathhouse?