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News & ArtsTuesday, November 29, 2011
TV Kissing Lessons from Virgin Diaries
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Nov 29, 2011 at 10:03 AM
Coming up next Sunday (Dec 4, 9 pm) is the debut of TLC's newest "educational" reality show entitled Virgin Diaries, which follows the trials and tribulations of people whose cherries remain unpopped. What follows is a teaser for the show which features a couple whose first kiss was on their wedding day—AND YOU'D NEVER KNOW IT BY LOOKING AT THEM. (I'll leave it to you commenters to suggest what their kissing reminds you of.)
3
oh my god...just went on a date and the guy, 33yr old kissed me the same way..i was mortified...without a doubt i thought that was the worse kiss ever..until i saw this!!!
6
Wow. I'm so glad the government denies me the right to marry so that the sanctity of holy matrimony can be reserved for clueless halfwits like this. Praise be Jeebus.
10
Sometimes I think that I miss cable TV, but then I see something like this and I want to highfive myself for shutting it off.
11
They also didn't eat before the wedding. Eating each other's tongues will only tide them over until they can get to the reception. There will be no cake for the guests.
12
I used to go to a theme park that had a catfish pool into which you could toss pellets. That looked like a feeding frenzy.
14
It reminds me of first kisses. Proof positive that one should never have a first kiss in public and that one should always test their "permanent" sexual partner before making it a "permanent" arrangement.
16
It looks like they're trying to have sex with their mouths. Perhaps they are unclear on how it all works.
18
Someone will blow their minds when they tell these idiots why people actually move their jaws while kissing.
21
I know I shouldn't feel bad for them because it was their decision, but still...
It's the kissing version of someone who just learned English. Technically the mechanics are right, but it's still off.
It's the kissing version of someone who just learned English. Technically the mechanics are right, but it's still off.
22
(shudder)
I went out with a girl in college (once) who kissed like that. It never occurred to me until just now that I may have been the first guy she ever made out with. Damn, now I feel bad (15 years after the fact...)
Anyway, there is something really twisted in the reasoning that you want your first sexual experience to be so "special", that you're willing to have your first ever (horrendously awkward and inept) kiss in front of all your family and friends...
I went out with a girl in college (once) who kissed like that. It never occurred to me until just now that I may have been the first guy she ever made out with. Damn, now I feel bad (15 years after the fact...)
Anyway, there is something really twisted in the reasoning that you want your first sexual experience to be so "special", that you're willing to have your first ever (horrendously awkward and inept) kiss in front of all your family and friends...
23
HAHAHA!! I love how even her Dad-or-whoever is laughing! It's all her, poor guy, don't worry the sex will be over once the kids are born. Who the fuck is too Christian to even kiss!? Not worth watching to find out. Sad but so funny.
25
@22, don't feel bad, it would be her own fault for not being honest with you that she had never been kissed.
26
Ugh, I've been kissed like that. It's gross.
I actually used to know a super Christian couple who were like that. I shudder to think what the honeymoon must have been like.
I actually used to know a super Christian couple who were like that. I shudder to think what the honeymoon must have been like.
27
Even accounting for the passage of time and my ego, I can confidently say that my first kiss was way, way more competent than that! Anyone who'd watched even a couple of movies would be exposed to at least the basics by watching even a couple of on-screen kisses, and paying a tiny bit of attention. Hint: it doesn't include appearing to voraciously eat a ham sandwitch out of someone else's mouth.
28
And @22, I had no idea this one guy had been a virgin until he told me post-coitus a few days later. That was four years ago and I still feel bad. But hey, he was naturally great in bed. :)
29
@27,
Movies? That's just going to lead to something at least as awful. Most movie kisses these days involve the actors' trying to gnaw each others' faces off.
Movies? That's just going to lead to something at least as awful. Most movie kisses these days involve the actors' trying to gnaw each others' faces off.
30
@20 I kinda want to see that, out of sheer curiosity. After watching that kiss, can you imagine? Do you suppose they even know where the parts are supposed to go? These people are silly.
31
@29, still better than this horror show! Also, maybe we watched different movies. I'm not taking about Transformers VI.
33
@30, I'm brought to mind of a thing I read a long time ago by a doctor who had a woman patient complaining of horrifically painful intercourse, who then demonstrated that her clueless husband had been trying to penetrate her urethra by mistake.
When I was a boy all the girls practiced their kissing on their hands, twixt thumb and forefinger, giving each other detailed tutorials, while I spied on them. No one I knew could possibly have been as clueless as these people.
When I was a boy all the girls practiced their kissing on their hands, twixt thumb and forefinger, giving each other detailed tutorials, while I spied on them. No one I knew could possibly have been as clueless as these people.
34
Christ, it's like a train wreck; I can't get the image out of my head. I thought part of the point of "waiting" had something to do with some convoluted idea of self-respect. No self-respecting person would do that. Also, tongue in the wedding kiss: way to keep it classy. I know, I know, it's reality TV; it was probably scripted that way. And privacy is dead, I know that, too.
36
"Do you have a breath mint? Let me retrieve it with my tongue!"
"Give it back! It's mine!"
"Ha ha, I shall swallow it so you can never have it back!"
"I shall perform a tonsillectomy with my tongue!"
*shudder* That is not kissing. That is tonsil hockey. I remember that from junior high. Ick.
"Give it back! It's mine!"
"Ha ha, I shall swallow it so you can never have it back!"
"I shall perform a tonsillectomy with my tongue!"
*shudder* That is not kissing. That is tonsil hockey. I remember that from junior high. Ick.
38
I had my first kiss in the sixth grade. We were both WAY better at it than these two, and we were really quite terrible.
39
"I'm going to suck your tongue out of your head!"
"No, I'M going to suck YOUR tongue out of YOUR head!"
"No, I'M going to suck YOUR tongue out of YOUR head!"
40
I had some girlfriends growing up who insisted they'd like to wait until marriage for their first time. Thank god they wised up and realized that there will never be a perfect "first kiss" in the history of first kisses. Ye gods.
42
OMG, the comments here are awesome!
I must say, seeing that kiss has reinforced my opinion that I should advise both my kids to have premarital sex if they so desire.
I must say, seeing that kiss has reinforced my opinion that I should advise both my kids to have premarital sex if they so desire.
43
I want to confess (the first time I've told anyone, actually), that my first kiss was in high school, from a cute Japanese exchange student who kissed me on my cheek.. turning my head to give her a kiss in return, my lips somehow landed on her ear first... (Praise be to Jesus that this was not in front of all our friends and family...)
Even at that, my first french-kissing session was a little later with the same girl, and I'm pretty damned sure it was not as inept as the couple in that video.
Even at that, my first french-kissing session was a little later with the same girl, and I'm pretty damned sure it was not as inept as the couple in that video.
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