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News & ArtsSunday, November 27, 2011
Animals / Politics
This Is the Dog That Bit Repeatedly Nipped at Me on Thanksgiving
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on Sun, Nov 27, 2011 at 4:01 PM
- Timothy Rysdyke
This dog is a Republican. It's not just those Bachmann eyes. She is consistently and virulently anti-gay. Her owner is a lovely straight woman with many queer friends, and we were all having Thanksgiving together, and Molly, this dog, was biting and growling at all the queers and none of the straight people. When we went camping together last summer, same thing: Molly ran up and down the bank of the river barking only at the queer girls and boys. On Thanksgiving, she bit me three separate times on the leg—once when I went to say hello to her (then I remembered the camping trip), two other times when I was trying to avoid her and accidentally caught her attention. We talk about Molly's political views all the time, the whole group. Her owner doesn't know what to do about it. What can you do about a dog who happens to be a Republican?
UPDATE: Her owner, after reading some of the comments, writes to say: "Are you trying to get my dog killed? Man up. She doesn't bite, she nips." Fair enough. It's just nipping. I'm just being funny, guys. Stop calling for the dog's execution.
1
My first impulse was to say 'what a bitch!', but seriously;
Does she bite and hold or just snap? Snapping is a fear reaction, while the bite-and-hold is an attempt to cause harm. Also, does she break skin? How old is the dog? If she is younger than 2 years, biting is a somewhat natural action to get attention (and should be trained out of the dog). If she is older and continues to bite the owner may have a potential lawsuit on their hands.
Does she bite and hold or just snap? Snapping is a fear reaction, while the bite-and-hold is an attempt to cause harm. Also, does she break skin? How old is the dog? If she is younger than 2 years, biting is a somewhat natural action to get attention (and should be trained out of the dog). If she is older and continues to bite the owner may have a potential lawsuit on their hands.
4
Wow, my dog is a republican too. Only, she hates muslims and bums. No biting, just growling. I make her listen to npr and socialist music radio.
5
My bichon frise was a HUGE fag hag! She had impeccable gaydar and adored gay men. She risked life and paws by running into the street if she saw a gay man.
Perhaps some gay man done this doggy wrong. I have another rescue dog who hates men with glasses. It's probably some previous bad experience. Maybe Barkus Machmann stole a bone from her.
Perhaps some gay man done this doggy wrong. I have another rescue dog who hates men with glasses. It's probably some previous bad experience. Maybe Barkus Machmann stole a bone from her.
8
Does she only bite gay men or does she bite queer ladies too? My cat has a definite preference for straight men. My sister and I are the only females she really likes, and gay men she is indifferent to. But a straight man walks in the room and she will rub up all over him.
10
@3, clearly not a pitbull, but people like you misidentifying breeds is a major reason for pitbull's having such a bad reputation.
What to do? Put the menace down. Human aggression should not be tolerated in dogs (says the pitbull owner).
What to do? Put the menace down. Human aggression should not be tolerated in dogs (says the pitbull owner).
11
I used to think my dog was racist until I noticed that she wags her tail at 24's past-president and All State spokesman, Dennis Haysbert, and TV's Tracy Jordan, Tracy Morgan. So, I think it was just that one time with a black car salesman. Maybe she doesn't like car salesmen.
I wonder if your friend's dog just doesn't like large groups of people being loud. I've known many dogs who are pissy and snappy around large groups of people.
I wonder if your friend's dog just doesn't like large groups of people being loud. I've known many dogs who are pissy and snappy around large groups of people.
12
If a dog bites you, you are well within your rights to give a good strike to the face, and more if necessary. Or, if you're nice, you can simply grab the animal by the scruff of the neck, lift it clear off the ground, and give it a clear eye-to-eye.
14
some abused dogs also do not like being around people drinking or peeps mething it up.
i know, seems so weird.
i know, seems so weird.
16
You can defeat Molly only through incremental legislation. See Ed Murray and Jamie Pedersen. They will have laws on the books banning Molly from ever biting you again, by 2019 at the latest. Maybe a little sooner if you let Ed peek at your whoozeewhatsit.
17
@6 Considering how sensitive a dog's sense of smell is, I have no doubt that a dog could develop eerily accurate gaydar. The dog wouldn't understand what makes gay people different, a dog's mind is just sophisticated enough to perceive that difference and react to it as alien and dangerous. Just like the average Republican. Sad really.
18
If a dog bit me, I'd kill it on the spot. No question. But since I'm straight, that probably wouldn't be an issue here.
19
My personal prescription for a Republican dog is to find a nice Republican family to adopt the poor thing and give it a good home. Republicans may not be capable of wielding political power responsibly, but many of them have what it takes to make a dog's life happy.
20
@18: "If a dog bit me, I'd kill it on the spot. No question."
dude, that is old school, and mostly not at all wrong; i'd bet there are many here that come from a time where if a dog bites a kid(or variable grownup) that dog needs to be put down. full stop.
sad thing though, is I saw some dogs killed for less.
dude, that is old school, and mostly not at all wrong; i'd bet there are many here that come from a time where if a dog bites a kid(or variable grownup) that dog needs to be put down. full stop.
sad thing though, is I saw some dogs killed for less.
21
Sit down and watch Southpark with her. I am sure she could relate to the episode about stans gay dog.
22
It looks like a beagle mix, and as a beagle owner, I can say that while they are cute and adorable, some beagles can be stand-offish, reserved, and at times down right belligerent. All reasons why, on Thanksgiving, my cute and adorable dog was in the backyard away from the crowd. Once the crowd got down to the people she knew, that's when I let her back in.
Yeah, dogs can have bad memories of particular types of people (my rescue dog hates old women), but that means that I have a responsibility to be aware of such things and ensure bite-age does not occur. Yeah, your friend might not have been aware of her peculiarities at first, but after the first bite? GO TO THE CRATE/YARD/BACK BEDROOM!
Training, planning, and responsibility. You have to deal with the dog you have (homo-hating and all), not the dog you wish you had.
Yeah, dogs can have bad memories of particular types of people (my rescue dog hates old women), but that means that I have a responsibility to be aware of such things and ensure bite-age does not occur. Yeah, your friend might not have been aware of her peculiarities at first, but after the first bite? GO TO THE CRATE/YARD/BACK BEDROOM!
Training, planning, and responsibility. You have to deal with the dog you have (homo-hating and all), not the dog you wish you had.
24
What can I say, pissy, I'm an old school kinda guy. Like you say, that's "mostly not at all wrong."
26
@6, @17 -- It's all in the smell. Dogs can follow a trail days after the fact, just from the tiny bits of dead skin that we shed. If you've had a dick in your mouth in the last week, the dog can smell the balls on your chin, and figure out who it was. If you've fucked a woman, it can smell the muff juice around your crotch.
Just because it can't use logic or social queues doesn't mean that a dog isn't the most informed person in the house about who's doing what with whom, how often, and where exactly-- face, tits, or back-- that load of jizz landed.
Just because it can't use logic or social queues doesn't mean that a dog isn't the most informed person in the house about who's doing what with whom, how often, and where exactly-- face, tits, or back-- that load of jizz landed.
28
I used to live with Molly; she's the raddest. But then again, I was born right with god. Santorum 2012!
29
My little dog, the min pin that lives with my mother in IL because she is truly his mother in his eyes and the only person in this world that he truly loves, is on strike 2, one more bite from being put down by court order. His downfall is other people's fucking kids sticking their fingers through the fence to pet him when he's barking at them. But, in the fine state of IL, a bite is a bite and he's had his full quota of 2 before he gets the needle. Poor little dog. But this goes to show you, those who are calling for the execution of this little Republican poochy are in the right, provided that it was a real bite. The deciding factor, did it break the skin? If not, it's a nip, and stop being a pussy.
The current dog, a Rottie and God only knows what mix who tips the scales at 130 pounds, is a racist, no 2 ways about it. He doesn't like anyone darker than a medium shade of ecru. We've never been able to figure that out--unless he was mistreated in his 25 minutes of homelessness in Northern Wisconsin prior to being taken in at the shelter, but that doesn't make any sense given that ecru is ethnic by Northen Wisconsin standards. It's ironic, since he is the blackest of black dogs himself. He's never bitten anyone, but he's so big that he scares the fuck out of people, so we keep him under pretty tight control. He loves the gays (no experience with lesbians) so he can't possibly be a Republican.
My suggestion for the Republican dog: an exorcism. Hateful bigotry accompanied by an inablity to think outside of often repeated rhetoric certainly sounds close enough to demon possession. Call in the 2 priest combo and have a dead chicken on hand in case you need a little back up santeria. But this littly poopsy can likely be saved.
The current dog, a Rottie and God only knows what mix who tips the scales at 130 pounds, is a racist, no 2 ways about it. He doesn't like anyone darker than a medium shade of ecru. We've never been able to figure that out--unless he was mistreated in his 25 minutes of homelessness in Northern Wisconsin prior to being taken in at the shelter, but that doesn't make any sense given that ecru is ethnic by Northen Wisconsin standards. It's ironic, since he is the blackest of black dogs himself. He's never bitten anyone, but he's so big that he scares the fuck out of people, so we keep him under pretty tight control. He loves the gays (no experience with lesbians) so he can't possibly be a Republican.
My suggestion for the Republican dog: an exorcism. Hateful bigotry accompanied by an inablity to think outside of often repeated rhetoric certainly sounds close enough to demon possession. Call in the 2 priest combo and have a dead chicken on hand in case you need a little back up santeria. But this littly poopsy can likely be saved.
31
If you weren't stuffing a weiner in your pants to appear "bigger" maybe she wouldn't bite you, thinking you were hiding food.
33
@29
Dead chicken in hand would probably over-ride the gay, ceremony or not.
Could Molly be used for determining successful Bachmann cures? Does she have glitter issues?
@ Frizelle
You had to come out sometime. Fill your pockets with wings.
Dead chicken in hand would probably over-ride the gay, ceremony or not.
Could Molly be used for determining successful Bachmann cures? Does she have glitter issues?
@ Frizelle
You had to come out sometime. Fill your pockets with wings.
35
Ok, no more Dead Dog Walking The Green Mile talk from me, and certainly no All Dogs(even evil Republican ones) Go To Heaven from me :)
37
Cute dog. Too bad about the nipping. How do you solve that problem? Easy, lock the dog in the bedroom when you have guests over.
39
Sounds like the dog's owner needs some education on how to care for a dog. This dog is clearly the victim in bad owner behavior. A domesticated animal should never do what this dog does.
Shame on the dog's owner.
Shame on the dog's owner.
40
Christopher... soon with liquor being sold all over the place, you should save some of the hair of the dog that bit you. It'll come in handy.
42
Tell her owner to teacher not to nip! Striking/ hitting her is only going to frighten her further and make her more likely to nip, a sound scoulding and ignoring the dog afterwards is much more helpful. But the owner should definatly break that habit fast.
Molly might be upset because of overcrowding, but I've known dogs that have had real preferences and prejudices. My dog prefers men - I'm the only female it'll pay attention to (and that is only because I control the food bowl). My niece's dog hates people in uniform and black people - which embarasses the hell out of my niece. Every dog is different.
But seriously, if Molly were to ever 'nip' a child she could be in real trouble. Children have thinner skin and are more likely to bleed, making it a bite - and biting dogs get into all sorts of legal trouble.
Molly might be upset because of overcrowding, but I've known dogs that have had real preferences and prejudices. My dog prefers men - I'm the only female it'll pay attention to (and that is only because I control the food bowl). My niece's dog hates people in uniform and black people - which embarasses the hell out of my niece. Every dog is different.
But seriously, if Molly were to ever 'nip' a child she could be in real trouble. Children have thinner skin and are more likely to bleed, making it a bite - and biting dogs get into all sorts of legal trouble.
43
Why isn't she put in the basement or a spare room when company comes over? Nipped, snapped or bit is immaterial, the owner needs to keep the dog away from guests and muzzle her in public.
44
As one who attended the aforementioned Thanksgiving feast and witnessed Molly's aggression towards you, I observed the following:
Molly nipped at you after she had been guarding our leftovers (and salivating over them for three hours) and we walked into the room where she sat by the many dishes of delicious foodstuffs. When you approached the tables, she lunged at you twice. During those three hours she had been mostly ignored while we all gallivanted about and laughed and sang loudly. I suspect she felt her animal instincts rise up in her guarding/wanting food and possibly felt left out, since she is after all a pack animal.
As far as hating queers... I only saw her nip at men, and just about every single dude in our social circle (with, like, two or three exceptions that I can think of) is gay. So I have to wonder if gender is part of the equation, moreso than sexual identity.
We definitely shouldn't let her vote, though. Just in case.
Molly nipped at you after she had been guarding our leftovers (and salivating over them for three hours) and we walked into the room where she sat by the many dishes of delicious foodstuffs. When you approached the tables, she lunged at you twice. During those three hours she had been mostly ignored while we all gallivanted about and laughed and sang loudly. I suspect she felt her animal instincts rise up in her guarding/wanting food and possibly felt left out, since she is after all a pack animal.
As far as hating queers... I only saw her nip at men, and just about every single dude in our social circle (with, like, two or three exceptions that I can think of) is gay. So I have to wonder if gender is part of the equation, moreso than sexual identity.
We definitely shouldn't let her vote, though. Just in case.
46
Only a bad hostess would allow their stressed out dog to suffer and take it out on her guests. This dog looks confused and afraid. Nipping is one step removed from drawing blood. If your dog is this nervous around people, your cooking and bar tending skills must suck.
47
What @38 said. This dog is in the closet and should run for Congress or join the Catholic church.
48
Poor dog. Must have been awfully confused about what she was expected to do. She shouldn't have been left out when she was that stressed. She should have been put in a quiet place, away from people she didn't know well, until things were calmer.
This is *not* the dog's fault.
This is *not* the dog's fault.
51
@50
Oh for goodness sake, it's a joke.
Anyone who's spent any time around dogs just knows dogs do stuff like this. I've heard variations on the dog that dislikes black people or people in uniform often, without being in any way trained to do so by their masters. I've seen my dogs react to people I know have never hurt them as though they have, though they're neither of them aggressive to anyone or anything with the possible exception of squirrels, rabbits and such.
However if the dog does this as a pattern with anyone, locking her up in a bedroom while the company she might offend is there is just responsible dog ownership.
Oh for goodness sake, it's a joke.
Anyone who's spent any time around dogs just knows dogs do stuff like this. I've heard variations on the dog that dislikes black people or people in uniform often, without being in any way trained to do so by their masters. I've seen my dogs react to people I know have never hurt them as though they have, though they're neither of them aggressive to anyone or anything with the possible exception of squirrels, rabbits and such.
However if the dog does this as a pattern with anyone, locking her up in a bedroom while the company she might offend is there is just responsible dog ownership.
53
@51, No no, you misread me. I love dogs, I grew up with dogs, I'm well aware dogs do weird things, which, if mirrored in a person would be offensive, but don't necessarily mean anything coming from a dog. One of the dogs I grew up with hates bicyclists and babies and barks her head off whenever she sees them. Dogs do these things. What I don't like is your homophobic self, and your pathetic excuse for humor. You are an asshat.
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