38yo het male. To date, only homoerotic thought was a decade-younger Brad Pitt. Thanksgiving shopping today, cute bakery boy—I'm secure enough to recognize cute males—is putting out baguettes. My inquiry: "Are they fresh baked." His response: "No, but I have some hot ones. I can give you one of those." Seconds later, with the sweetest smile I've ever seen, dude hands me a hot, delicious, organic baguette.

Hours later I'm thinking: "Did he throw a pass?" My gaydar is functional by not perfect. I can detect ships and aircraft, but not smaller objects. Oh, and when I thought back, I got more balltingles than I did Pitt of yore. (Dude, if you saw him you'd know.) Your thoughts, good man?

Also, I am more comfortable wearing minimalist underwear. I like the way it holds my junk. It happens that my favorite and a most economical brand is ladies Jockey french string bikinis (photos attached). My wife (not pictured) gets them for me but occasionally she'll comment that she thinks it's a bit gay, which is a turnoff for her, and she also resists participating in any significant/penetrative anal play with me as the penetratee. What would you suggest I tell her to allay her concerns, whilst also encouraging her to develop her prostate massage enthusiasm and technique?

Baguette Received Enthusiastically As Delivered

My response—and two of those photos—after the jump...

The bakery boy was either throwing you a pass or engaging in a little innocent retail flirting, i.e. batting his eyes and some harmless innuendo at customers in order to 1. pass the time and 2. up the tips. Only the boy knows if he's honestly into you, BREAD, and there's only one way to find out: continue to patronize his bakery. If the flirting escalates, he wants you. If it decreases, he's realized that you've misread retail flirting for honest interest and he's dialing it back because he doesn't want to 1. give you the wrong idea and 2. acquire a stalker.

As for your wife...

Sex columnists spend a lot of time talking about and to straight men who are so insecure in their own masculinities that they're terrified of a little assplay—and nipple stim and gay people and bright colors and musical theater and salad and hair product, etc.—but we rarely talk about straight women who are insecure in their male partners' masculinities. But there are women out there who are threatened by a male partner's "non-masculine" interests—and, hey, what's up with them?

"Threatened" may be too strong a term. I think these women—most of them—are better described as "highly invested" the real or perceived masculinity of their male partners. Why so invested? I'm guessing that these women—like a lot of women who aren't insecure about their male partners' masculinity—are highly aroused by masculinity. They like their men to be manly. What distinguishes the "invested/threatened" women from other women is that have harder time ignoring and/or tolerating traits that make their men seem less than manly—you know, shit that seems a bit gay, like their husbands wanting to wear ladies Jockey french string bikinis or be on the receiving end of a little anal play or being secure enough to admit to finding the odd male movie star or hot bakery boy attractive. That stuff is a turnoff for 'em.

You can tell a woman like that that her husband's desire for anal play doesn't have to mean anything, and you can reassure her that when a woman is doing it to a man—whatever it might be—it's straight sex. But it won't help. Because the issue isn't him or his heterosexuality, it's her and the importance of manly manliness to her arousal. And if your wife is one of these women, BREAD, she's not going to want to go there with and for you because it threatens her mental image of you, her attraction to you, and ultimately her marriage.

However: as your wife is willing to overlook the panties—she's even willing to purchase 'em for you—she'd might be up for a set-it-and-forget-it buttplug, a toy that would provide you with prostate stim you desire without requiring her to feign enthusiasm for active assplay that would erode her sense of you as a manly man.

And now, those pics: