I have copyedited many a horrible paragraph/description/joke for this depraved fish wrapper in my short time here (accidental penis-tip amputation, a mid-fatal-bear-mauling phone call to mom) but this week's Last Days was the first time I almost couldn't do my job through the haze of revulsion. I literally pushed my desk chair backwards and held my hands up over my face. Good work, Cienna.

From:

The next moment he brought his hand to his mouth and sucked something off his fingers. It was then that I realized he wasn't scratching but picking...

to:

...illegally injecting a mixture of cement, Fix-A-Flat tire sealant, and superglue into a woman's butt to enhance its size and bubbly shape.

I almost couldn't take it. I smell a Pulitzer! ("Local Investigative Specialized Reporting," perhaps?) In conclusion, I learned a valuable lesson: The pen is mightier than the ipecac syrup.