I have copyedited many a horrible paragraph/description/joke for this depraved fish wrapper in my short time here (accidental penis-tip amputation, a mid-fatal-bear-mauling phone call to mom) but this week's Last Days was the first time I almost couldn't do my job through the haze of revulsion. I literally pushed my desk chair backwards and held my hands up over my face. Good work, Cienna.
The next moment he brought his hand to his mouth and sucked something off his fingers. It was then that I realized he wasn't scratching but picking...
...illegally injecting a mixture of cement, Fix-A-Flat tire sealant, and superglue into a woman's butt to enhance its size and bubbly shape.
I almost couldn't take it. I smell a Pulitzer! ("Local Investigative Specialized Reporting," perhaps?) In conclusion, I learned a valuable lesson: The pen is mightier than the ipecac syrup.