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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

At Large Featuring the Southland's 2nd-to-Least Most Clumsiest Trauma Surgeon!

Posted by Lindy West on Tue, Oct 25, 2011 at 12:00 PM

Here's a sign I saw today:

L.A.'s fifth best hospital.

You guys, NO!!!!! When I'm coming in for my vagina inspection or whatever, I don't need to be reminded that there are literally twos of other better hospitals with better doctors and cleaner needles and warmer vagina machines! To paraphrase Ricky Gervais, "That's like saying you have Britain's number one wasting disease."

To be fair, though, there are six hospitals in L.A. So they definitely beat Garbage County General (it's primarily a hospital, but they also do cash-4-gold and smog checks). Speaking of unappealing hospitals (LET'S DO, SHALL WE?), remember that show Diagnosis Murder? Those fake doctors went to the worst fake medical school ever.

Patient (Probably Jack Klugman or Something): "Cough, cough."
Dick Van Dyke: "Your diagnosis is...MURDER!"
Patient Klugman: "What? Murder is not a diagnosis. Also, I am clearly still alive."
Dick Van Dyke: "Oh, you're right, I'm looking at my chart again...it's bronchitis. Here is your medicine."
Patient Klugman: "Cough, cough."

Murder is not a disease, you guys. The only time a doctor would say "diagnosis MURDER" is if he was about to murder you, and also he was a real wiseguy. Hey, you know what they should do? They should make a courtroom spin-off of Diagnosis Murder where the judge would be all, "I find you guilty...of LUPUS!!!" They could call it Verdict: Pneumonia. Don't steal that.

TALK TO YOU GUYS LATER. I'M OFF TO DO HOLLYWOOD THINGS LIKE PLAY TENNIS WITH VAL KILMER.

Love,
Lindy

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Comments (21) RSS

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In Copenhagen there's a huge lit up permanent sign proclaiming: "Carlsberg. Probably the best beer in town."

Posted by SPG on October 25, 2011 at 12:09 PM

I thought Val Kilmer only played beach volleyball.

Posted by lukeiscool on October 25, 2011 at 12:13 PM

You should definitely go hang out with Linds at the morgue. It's THE hip place these days.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty

on October 25, 2011 at 12:18 PM

Phrases like "vagina inspection" tend to distract me from reading the author's name, but I thought, "that sure reads like Lindy!"

And it was!

Posted by rodolfo on October 25, 2011 at 12:20 PM

@2, that was Young Val Kilmer. Lindy will face off against No Longer Young Val Kilmer, who plays tennis, golfs, and eats deviled eggs by the fistful.

Posted by gloomy gus on October 25, 2011 at 12:26 PM

It's never lupus: http://youtu.be/vpkzhvZ_CFM

Posted by nseattlite on October 25, 2011 at 12:27 PM

I don't think Val Kilmer does much in the way of tennis these days. Last time I saw him, he was getting a trifle portly. Still cute, though.

Posted by Geni on October 25, 2011 at 12:30 PM

@7. Yeah, it's tough to see. I thought he was the coolest human being on the planet for a time in the late 80's there. Thank god I didn't get any older.

Lindy - do you like living in LA?

Posted by asb on October 25, 2011 at 12:33 PM

@1: Denmark has strict rules about claims you can make in advertising, and harsh penalties. Unless you can prove your beer is "the best" you better not claim it.

Posted by bigyaz on October 25, 2011 at 1:07 PM

There are actually 137 hospitals in the greater Los Angeles area.

http://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/…

(Really, Lindy? Did you ever stop to think that six hospitals seems mighty low? Or was the opportunity for a snarky post too good to pass up?)

Posted by bigyaz on October 25, 2011 at 1:10 PM

I give absolutely FREE vagina inspections, no supernumary distrations either.

Posted by Just Jeff

on October 25, 2011 at 1:14 PM

Please note that the sign in the picture says the award is for 2011-2012. A bit premature, no?

Posted by tiodan on October 25, 2011 at 1:24 PM

@12, maybe they are aiming to be higher than 2009 to 2010?

Posted by Last of the Time Lords on October 25, 2011 at 1:47 PM

@12 - "#1 Hospital in Jumping the Gun, 2016"

Posted by MacCrocodile

on October 25, 2011 at 2:16 PM

Their first idea was "LA's Most Improved Hospital, 2012".

Posted by Sir Vic on October 25, 2011 at 2:25 PM

Maybe they are the #1 LA hospital for vagina inspections but they just didn't want to put that on the sign.

Posted by Greg on October 25, 2011 at 2:56 PM

"Hah, I'm Gwen, I'm here to waaaaaaaaash yer vagina!"

That's all I got.

Posted by Bub on October 25, 2011 at 3:23 PM

@ #10 -

Lighten up Francis

Posted by K X One on October 25, 2011 at 4:23 PM

@17: Yup, that's all I've been thinking since I first saw this!

Other than just the fact that we need more Lindy on this blog. More warm vagina machines, more Val Kilmer, more boring driving through LA. Just more.

LINDY WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US??

Posted by Irena on October 25, 2011 at 4:37 PM