Slog
News & ArtsFriday, October 21, 2011
Conflict of Interest What She Said
Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Oct 21, 2011 at 10:08 AM
Prudie lays into a reader who's trying to talk/guilt her single, pregnant, college-age sister out of placing her child for adoption. It's a beautiful thing.
2
I love it when Prudie tells off the letter writer. I always hope that the LW reads her response and is able to actually look inward. Usually, though, they probably get offended and stop reading her column.
Still- it's fun reading!
Still- it's fun reading!
4
"My sister doesn't understand that children are an important blessing... and so she should suffer as I have."
How very loving.
How very loving.
5
Wow, this is fucking awful. That letter makes me terribly worried that the LW is emotionally abusing her own children, since she views kids as a punishment for sexually active women.
7
I usually find Prudie's advice lazy and inconsiderate, but i suppose this particular question was just shooting fish in a barrel.
8
@6, I thought it was too short, but I tend towards wordiness.
@5, most of [christian] america looks at motherhood as either god-granted sainthood for the righteousness of submitting to your husband's animalistic rutting, or as punishment for the sin of sexual immorality before marriage.
@5, most of [christian] america looks at motherhood as either god-granted sainthood for the righteousness of submitting to your husband's animalistic rutting, or as punishment for the sin of sexual immorality before marriage.
11
Agreed, that was one of her more cogent responses. Sometimes she sounds a bit rushed, especially in those Monday chat forums they have her doing, those can get ridiculous. For thoughtful responses you'll be wanting the Thursday Prudie.
14
I have a friend who adopted a child from a college-aged young woman whose circumstances were very similar to the LW's sister. Except this woman had her family's full support in her choice. It was an open adoption and both families interact frequently. LW is the one who's being a complete twatwaffle.
15
Where in the hell does the letter writer get off thinking she's entitled to a vote on whether someone else does or does not keep their child? It's not in her body, it's not her chromosomes forming it. It's NOT HER CHILD. Why the hell can't people mind their own fucking business?
16
My birth parent was a college age student who, when she found she was pregnant, gave me up for adoption. My life with my mom and dad was infinitely better that what I would have had with her. As an adult I have developed a relationship with her, and I can say with full confidence that she made the right decision. How hard for the college student to make the choice she did... that takes a lot of strength. She should be proud... and her sister can go f#ck herself.
18
Imagine the hissy the LW would have thrown if her sister had "taken more responsibility for her actions" by having an abortion. How dare a young woman be able to just get unpregnant and resume her life!!! ugh.
19
The LW is a sanctimonious asshole.
And my initial impression was even harsher: the sentence above is the cleaned-up version.
And my initial impression was even harsher: the sentence above is the cleaned-up version.
20
Giving up a baby for adoption has got to be one of the bravest fucking things a woman could ever do for her child. It's highly unlikely that she will, but the LW should be seriously fucking ashamed of herself--she wants to make this decision for her sister and she thinks the sister's entitled?!
21
It was far above her usual standard, but the unwarranted assumptions in favour of the sister, which might have been worked in as a positve way for the horrid LW to regard the situation, kept the reply from being in the top drawer.
22
@5: You hit the nail on the head.
"...she views kids as a punishment for sexually active women."
Exactly! What a fucked-up mentality.
How on earth is assuring that your child will have the best possible life you can manage irresponsible? That's the most noble, responsible thing a young woman in her situation could do! Trying to bite off more than one can chew (and potentially ruining someone's life in the process) out of some misguided sense of duty--now THAT would be irresponsible!
"...she views kids as a punishment for sexually active women."
Exactly! What a fucked-up mentality.
How on earth is assuring that your child will have the best possible life you can manage irresponsible? That's the most noble, responsible thing a young woman in her situation could do! Trying to bite off more than one can chew (and potentially ruining someone's life in the process) out of some misguided sense of duty--now THAT would be irresponsible!
23
That bitch needs to watch Juno!
Thanks for the link. I find it endearingly sweet that an advice columnist reads other advice columns :)
Thanks for the link. I find it endearingly sweet that an advice columnist reads other advice columns :)
24
It's funny how her message is "We can manage it!" Maybe your sister doesn't just want to "manage," LW. Maybe she wants to give her child as high-quality of a life as possible, and knows that's more likely with a couple who is ready for and wants a child? Ever thought of that?
Asshole.
Asshole.
25
My mom got knocked up in college, and she kept me. I support women making their own choice as to what to do if they give birth to the baby: adoption, marry the father, marry someone else, raise the kid on their own. She was an adult, she provided a very good life for me, and it's kind of just as shitty to act like all 21-year-old moms are idiots, similar to what the sister is doing, but in reverse. My mom's dying of cancer so I'm glad I got the 23 years with her that I did.
26
i can certainly understand wanting to keep the baby in the family if that's an option, and even expressing that wish to her pregnant sister. i can see wanting to encourage her sister to explore every alternative before finalizing her decision and sending the baby out of the family's life forever, if it is coming from a place of family love and wanting to help.
but i agree, her motives are fucked up and her attitude are obnoxious and sanctimonious. and she has no say in the matter, which i suspect is what's pissing her off the most - the fact that she doesn't get to have control.
but i agree, her motives are fucked up and her attitude are obnoxious and sanctimonious. and she has no say in the matter, which i suspect is what's pissing her off the most - the fact that she doesn't get to have control.
28
Oh I should have also said, members of my family were in this situation. Youngest sister pregnant and ill-equipped, eldest sister unhappy about losing a family member. The solution? Eldest sister adopted youngest sister's baby. And that baby is luuuuuuuuved.
29
@27: She is? She seems pretty sex negative, as in this idiotic response, which I think has come up in Savage Love before: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_…
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