My brother just called to tell me he's been awarded a Navy SEAL contract. I was less than thrilled when he first brought up the idea of becoming a SEAL a year ago, and reading up on their training and deployment did nothing to soothe my liberal, big-sister hand wringing (why the fuck couldn't he grow up to be a teen dad like his friends???). But after watching him work for the last year—running marathons in hiking boots, swimming miles with a brick in his mouth, morphing into one giant ab, etc.—I'm really proud of him for getting his goddamn contract. He's earned it. (Goddammit.)

And what better way to celebrate that fact than by paying a hairy man $5 to write Congrats! on his stomach and dance his fucking ass off? (Hat tip to TVDinner for the idea!)

I love you, buddy! Reach for the stars!*

*And then quietly smother them in their sleep.