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News & ArtsWednesday, September 21, 2011
LGBTQITSLFA America's Most Famous Openly Gay Soldier
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Sep 21, 2011 at 6:58 AM
His coming out video has been viewed more than 1.5 million times since it was posted late Monday night. So it's safe to say that Randy Phillips is the most famous openly gay member of our post-DADT armed forces. And folks who were wondering how dad felt about the video, well, ABC News tracked the elder Phillips down...
Phillips, a 21-year-old airman stationed at the Ramstein Air Base in Germany, sat alone in front of a camera Tuesday, and under his YouTube handle "AreYouSurprised," called his father in Alabama to tell him that he was gay. In the clip, Phillips said it was "the hardest thing that gay guys will ever have to say... As for Phillips' father, he told ABC News that he was not exactly thrilled that his son put the clip on YouTube—but reiterated once again that he loves his son, and always will.
Phillips' video is very moving—and can that soldier wear a t-shirt or what?—but I'm pretty sure that my mother, as supportive as she was, wouldn't have been exactly thrilled if I had posted her initial reaction to my coming out on YouTube for all the world to see. But here's hoping Phillips' dad can forgive his son—that video is changing hearts and minds. And selling classic white t-shirts.
1
I liked this headline from The Awl: "Tear-Jerking Soldier's Coming Out Day Marred by Extreme Hotness"
2
I have been a little concerned that the explosion of the video (it had like 10-20.000 visits when I saw it first) because it basically left him no time to get to his mom with the news. I hope he was able to talk to her before she found out some other way.
I can totally understand his dad being a little unhappy that such an intimate moment was shared without his knowledge, but I hope his obviously good heart is mollified by knowing that it is being universally hailed as a beautiful moment.
And uhm yeah, dude is smokin hot.
I can totally understand his dad being a little unhappy that such an intimate moment was shared without his knowledge, but I hope his obviously good heart is mollified by knowing that it is being universally hailed as a beautiful moment.
And uhm yeah, dude is smokin hot.
3
I have to admit that I was fairly "meh" about DADT Repeal Day, but now I've watched all of his videos, and the fact that this gutsy small-town Alabama kid can come out to his father--and his father unconditionally supports him--is proof that It Is Getting Better.
Also, his slammin' bod guarantees that he'll be getting more ass than the stadium seats at the IMAX.
Also, his slammin' bod guarantees that he'll be getting more ass than the stadium seats at the IMAX.
4
Glad to hear the mellow aftermath.
The Guardian yesterday looked up the once-most-famous-openly-gay-soldier Justin Elzie, the first Marine to be discharged under DADT, to get his reaction. It's been seventeen years since, so Elzie doesn't wear a t-shirt quite so well any more. But he's thinking of joining the reserves just to close the circle. Sweet article, and an inspired editorial decision to look him up.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/sep…
The Guardian yesterday looked up the once-most-famous-openly-gay-soldier Justin Elzie, the first Marine to be discharged under DADT, to get his reaction. It's been seventeen years since, so Elzie doesn't wear a t-shirt quite so well any more. But he's thinking of joining the reserves just to close the circle. Sweet article, and an inspired editorial decision to look him up.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/sep…
8
When I saw the video, I cringed. I thought it was a shit move to his wonderful father to post it raw like that. Maybe after a little seasoning, sure, but not virtually real-time.
9
It was so moving. I love that he put it on YouTube, it WILL change hearts and minds about this issue. A universal theme is there... telling a parent who we really are. Awesome.
10
Srsly, just a minor inconvenience for the dad. The son will probably realize later that he could have handled the moment more tactfully, but he's obviously so overwhelmed with relief that he's probably not thinking very well about the long term. Dad sounds like he is someone who will get over it. Regarding Mom:
"You wanna tell Mom for me?" [half-smile says "prob'ly not"]
"I don't believe so." [tone of voice says "what the hell do you think?"]
I sense a tacit acknowledgement between father & son that Mom is maybe a little bit of a crazy bigot. (Sounds like Dad is sitting there with his GF or new wife?)
And yeah, he is beautiful.
"You wanna tell Mom for me?" [half-smile says "prob'ly not"]
"I don't believe so." [tone of voice says "what the hell do you think?"]
I sense a tacit acknowledgement between father & son that Mom is maybe a little bit of a crazy bigot. (Sounds like Dad is sitting there with his GF or new wife?)
And yeah, he is beautiful.
11
the good news is that his father has nothing to be ashamed of. And hopefully he'll forgive his son for posting the raw video for the world to see.
and yes, soldier be hot.
and yes, soldier be hot.
13
Raggeddog @5. I was going to say the same thing. Dan, you may want to add the word "out" into that sentence. Just saying.
14
Said elsewhere - say again here: As the proud father of a gay son, I couldn't get more than half way through. This is too personal. I hope they work out any backlash.
15
I'm pretty sure that if his father had reacted badly, he wouldn't have uploaded the video to YouTube. His dad might not be thrilled about having this conversation shown to the world, but it's kind of nice that he can see exactly how nervous his son was beforehand ("my heart is pounding") and maybe other parents whose children came out to them will have an inkling of what their kids experienced leading up to "the talk."
I'm just sorry he didn't say, "I can tell you this now because DADT was repealed and I no longer fear for my future."
I'm just sorry he didn't say, "I can tell you this now because DADT was repealed and I no longer fear for my future."
17
I understand why the father wasn't thrilled about this being all over YouTube. It was an intensely personal moment, and he is not of the YouTube generation.
But coming out is hard. There is no easy way to do it. I was so nervous the first time I told someone, I nearly passed out. The fear of the reactions from those closest to us is mortifying.
Randy Phillips made this series of videos and built up the emotional support he needed in order to come out. It may have been a little tacky to do that to his dad, but I fully support him doing whatever he needed to do to gain the courage to come out to his father in deeply-red Alabama. Good for him.
And, yeah, smokin' hot...
But coming out is hard. There is no easy way to do it. I was so nervous the first time I told someone, I nearly passed out. The fear of the reactions from those closest to us is mortifying.
Randy Phillips made this series of videos and built up the emotional support he needed in order to come out. It may have been a little tacky to do that to his dad, but I fully support him doing whatever he needed to do to gain the courage to come out to his father in deeply-red Alabama. Good for him.
And, yeah, smokin' hot...
18
kcfrance, while i agree wholeheartedly with you, i would just like to take this moment to point out that dadt was an improvement over what came before it. no one ever seems to acknowledge this. before dadt, people suspected of being gay were persecuted, hounded, spied upon and even dishonorably discharged, despite all their efforts to be low-key about it. dadt was a necessary first step, and all anyone living in their liberal little bubble here ever does is talk about how horrible it was.
19
I was crying too. The poor guy was so scared — "You'll love me no matter what?" And his father just kept saying "I love you and I'm proud of you." They should both be proud.
20
@18 - Unless I'm mistaken (and someone please correct me if I am), I believe discharges increased under DADT. And I'm not aware of a single discharge under the "ask" part.
In the big family fight that ensued when I came out to the extended family, the subject of DADT came up, and my uncle said "Gay people can serve in the military, just as long as they don't talk about it." to which my mom (bless her heart) said "That's like saying being Jewish didn't get people killed in the Holocaust, just as long as you weren't found out." I told her about Godwin's Law but thanked her for her support anyway.
In the big family fight that ensued when I came out to the extended family, the subject of DADT came up, and my uncle said "Gay people can serve in the military, just as long as they don't talk about it." to which my mom (bless her heart) said "That's like saying being Jewish didn't get people killed in the Holocaust, just as long as you weren't found out." I told her about Godwin's Law but thanked her for her support anyway.
21
Dan - if you like him in the T-shirt, you should definitely check out his Twitter page. As I understand it he has been doing some kind of new workout routine (something about "30 days to a 6-pack") and posting photo updates along the way ;)
(to save you the trouble, here's the link to the most recent pic - http://yfrog.com/nwasfcj)
(to save you the trouble, here's the link to the most recent pic - http://yfrog.com/nwasfcj)
22
I'll admit that I could get past the first minute or so. It felt like an uncomfortably personal thing to post so publicly, especially when it involves a really raw, emotional, difficult experience for another person who didn't choose to make it public.
24
I'm not a native speaker, but I'm pretty sure "Philiip's dad can forgives" should have been "Philip's dad can forgive".
I know, it's nit-picking. But I really can't resist.
I know, it's nit-picking. But I really can't resist.
25
mccrocodile@20: yes, the discharges did increase under dadt. i won't deny this. i don't know this for sure, but i'm guessing enlistment also increased as well--(applicants no longer questioned re: sexual orientation upon enlistment)--so maybe there is a statistical evening out there. my point wasn't about the actual numbers, but about the necessary progression in *policy* for the u.s. military. in other words, the military was told in no uncertain terms that witch-hunting was no longer acceptable. believe it or not, this was a big step.
27
I'll just echo what others have said. Yes it sucks that this personal moment was shared on youtube, presumably without the father's knowledge. BUT, this is most definitely a case of the good outweighing the bad. It's a truly excellent captured moment that has the potential to change lives.
I think that's worth any downside (especially since the father seems to have a pretty good handle on the whole unconditional love thing...at most this will probably be a small bump in their father/son relationship).
I think that's worth any downside (especially since the father seems to have a pretty good handle on the whole unconditional love thing...at most this will probably be a small bump in their father/son relationship).
29
ellarosa is correct. DADT was a sucky mess, but it was actually an improvement over the prior policy.
Prior to DADT, gays were often given jail time before given a dishonorable discharge. There are several classifications of discharges from the military. A dishonorable discharge is the equivalent of a federal felony. You lose your right to vote, to own a gun, etc.
Under DADT, they could still kick you out, but they could no longer throw gays in jail, and could no longer saddle them with a felony record. DADT was wrong, but it was less wrong than the previous policy.
Prior to DADT, gays were often given jail time before given a dishonorable discharge. There are several classifications of discharges from the military. A dishonorable discharge is the equivalent of a federal felony. You lose your right to vote, to own a gun, etc.
Under DADT, they could still kick you out, but they could no longer throw gays in jail, and could no longer saddle them with a felony record. DADT was wrong, but it was less wrong than the previous policy.
30
FYI: He's in the Air Force; he's an airman, not a soldier, Marine, or sailor.
The general term for a member of the armed services is the rather clunky "servicemember".
The general term for a member of the armed services is the rather clunky "servicemember".
31
Should I or should I not? is a choice that plagues most good intentions that will have a major social impact. At the end of the day, this YouTube will have more positive impact that any other move he could have made. How often has one waffled, not having the courage to do the right thing at the right time? This guy has major balls, and now is not the time to second guess him or his motives. His final puff of air at the end tells you all you need to know about his decision.
32
The only real reason that the mess finally got straightened out is because the military leaders themselves finally got smart enough to end all persecution based on differences.
33
@20, 28: Even if it didn't help the servicemembers, (thanks #30) it helped politically, because it was saying that gay people could theoretically serve under some conditions.
And for some reason, I don't think your mom's comment falls under Godwin's law. She didn't actually say anyone or anything was as bad as Hitler or the Nazis, just used it as an analogy.
And for some reason, I don't think your mom's comment falls under Godwin's law. She didn't actually say anyone or anything was as bad as Hitler or the Nazis, just used it as an analogy.
34
His dad's reaction is something to study - this is exactly the response desired. Way to go, dude - you are completely and utterly cool in my book.
35
He recorded this because his only outlet for months has been "talking" with his YouTube audience.
I'm too old to understand these electronic "relationships" but they are real for the whippersnappers, however odd I find them. And it's not like he could share this fears and thoughts with this buddies on base -- that would have gotten him canned.
And keep in mind, he didn't HAVE to broadcast it. It went well, so he uploaded it. If it had gone badly, he was under no obligation to share it.
I'm too old to understand these electronic "relationships" but they are real for the whippersnappers, however odd I find them. And it's not like he could share this fears and thoughts with this buddies on base -- that would have gotten him canned.
And keep in mind, he didn't HAVE to broadcast it. It went well, so he uploaded it. If it had gone badly, he was under no obligation to share it.
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