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News & ArtsMonday, September 19, 2011
Comedy Patton Oswalt Solves the "Gay Marriage" Conundrum
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Sep 19, 2011 at 12:16 PM
Three reasons to celebrate! 1) Master chuckle manufacturer Patton Oswalt has a new comedy release entitled, Finest Hour debuting next Tuesday. 2) Here's a sneaky-peeky selection from that release that "offers homophobes a more logical argument than the one they're currently using against gay marriage." And 3) Is losing your ass a reason to celebrate? Because you may laugh your ass off.
Patton Oswalt - The Best Argument Against Gay Marriage by frucci
via Splitsider.
4
I work with someone who is a "biblical scholar" - and he does seem to know a ton about the Bible, and, of course, never lets an opportunity pass to quote from this or that.
I consider him to be about as useful or educated as someone who has memorized the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.
Both will be able to pull out an interesting quote or nugget of wisdom now and again. But neither book really applies to life or should be what you base your life around.
I consider him to be about as useful or educated as someone who has memorized the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.
Both will be able to pull out an interesting quote or nugget of wisdom now and again. But neither book really applies to life or should be what you base your life around.
5
The only good argument against gay marriage is that it would harm society and break families. You do have to consider though that if gay marriage proven to actually be harmful to society that even we would have to be against it. Thankfully for supporters of equality this is not the case. Fucking bigots don't pay attention to good logical reasoning anyway so what's the point of trying to debate them on this.
6
There are certain Bible verses that your "biblical scholar" will never qoute, but will shut him up when you qoute 'em.
The passage giving permission to sell your daughter into slavery.
If you and "scholar" have a woman boss somewhere up the chain, qoute the passage about women not having authority above men, and dare him to go to woman boss with it.
Explain that Onan's sin, was refusing to impregnate his sister-in-law after his brother died. Ask biblical scholar if he'll be knocking up his dead brother's wife.
The verse about what an "abomination" mixed fiber clothing is (homosexuality is also ranked an abomination): ask if you can check the tag on biblical scholar's shirt to make sure he's not committing an abomination equal to homosexuality. ("Biblical scholars" almost never wear 100% cotton, they're polyester-blend guys.)
Or ask him if he's ever eaten shrimp, clams or lobster: whoops! more abominations.
And I believe there's also a verse of some sort allowing you to stone your neighbors if they watch Sunday football.
Any divorces in biblical scholar's family? Jesus had much to say about that, too.
Do a google and verses will come up. There's more, so much more biblical nonsense to qoute, but I've found that after quoting three or four of above "biblical scholars" tend to shut up.
If biblical scholar counters, "Even Satan can qoute scripture," reply, "Yes, you (he) can."
The passage giving permission to sell your daughter into slavery.
If you and "scholar" have a woman boss somewhere up the chain, qoute the passage about women not having authority above men, and dare him to go to woman boss with it.
Explain that Onan's sin, was refusing to impregnate his sister-in-law after his brother died. Ask biblical scholar if he'll be knocking up his dead brother's wife.
The verse about what an "abomination" mixed fiber clothing is (homosexuality is also ranked an abomination): ask if you can check the tag on biblical scholar's shirt to make sure he's not committing an abomination equal to homosexuality. ("Biblical scholars" almost never wear 100% cotton, they're polyester-blend guys.)
Or ask him if he's ever eaten shrimp, clams or lobster: whoops! more abominations.
And I believe there's also a verse of some sort allowing you to stone your neighbors if they watch Sunday football.
Any divorces in biblical scholar's family? Jesus had much to say about that, too.
Do a google and verses will come up. There's more, so much more biblical nonsense to qoute, but I've found that after quoting three or four of above "biblical scholars" tend to shut up.
If biblical scholar counters, "Even Satan can qoute scripture," reply, "Yes, you (he) can."
8
I kind of wish I had an uncle who saw Sasquatch. It would make more sense than some of the beliefs my relatives have.
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