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News & ArtsThursday, September 8, 2011
Sex / Hetero A Grindr for Straight People?
Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Sep 8, 2011 at 10:45 AM
Unless the new Grindr-for-straight-people app—Blendr—is some sort of mashup of Grindr, Angie's List, and Don't Date Him Girl, I don't see it catching on. Men are great, I love men, but the potential negative consequences of hooking up with strange straight men—even if you're just meeting up to discuss your shared love of knitting or French literature (or that's your excuse to meet up)—fall disproportionately on women: unplanned pregnancy, disease transmission, rape and other acts of sexual violence. Women are at much greater risk for all of that—particularly those unplanned pregnancies—and women aren't going to be meeting up with random, anonymous guys for random, anonymous sex conversations about knitting and French literature if there's not some feedback/accountability component that essentially vouches for the unknown straight guy trawling Blendr looking for sex knitting tips.
2
But I thought 99% of the fun of Grindr wasn't actually hooking up, but drooling over the pics of all the hot bods.
The real problem with a "straight Grindr" is that 100% of the women on the thing are going to be prostitutes. But there are already plenty of places to see cheesy hooker ads. It'll be like backpages.com times a thousand -- imagine all the underage merchandise on offer.
The real problem with a "straight Grindr" is that 100% of the women on the thing are going to be prostitutes. But there are already plenty of places to see cheesy hooker ads. It'll be like backpages.com times a thousand -- imagine all the underage merchandise on offer.
3
Well done, Dan. You managed to be enormously offensive to all straight men and unbelievably condescending to all straight/bi-women in less than 150 words. You managed to be both misogynist and misandrist in one startlingly alarmist and sex-negative paragraph. Really, I am impressed. One usually has to go to a southern right-wing preacher to get to the level of crass hypocrisy that you've managed here. They could take a page out of your book, really.
In case this isn't getting through, let me say this - women who are intentionally trawling for men for sex off an app are big girls. They make their own decisions, and sometimes those have unintended negative consequences. We don't need people like you to simultaneously judge/protect us from ourselves. And as for straight men - well hell, they just did all the evil in the world, what's to stop them from looking for yet another outlet to rape/murder? Except no. I don't have the figures, but I'm pretty sure the ratio of harmless guys to the murderer/rapists is probably in the 'likelihood of getting struck by lightning' area.
Leave the judgment and the slut-shaming to the preachers, Dan. You should fucking know better.
In case this isn't getting through, let me say this - women who are intentionally trawling for men for sex off an app are big girls. They make their own decisions, and sometimes those have unintended negative consequences. We don't need people like you to simultaneously judge/protect us from ourselves. And as for straight men - well hell, they just did all the evil in the world, what's to stop them from looking for yet another outlet to rape/murder? Except no. I don't have the figures, but I'm pretty sure the ratio of harmless guys to the murderer/rapists is probably in the 'likelihood of getting struck by lightning' area.
Leave the judgment and the slut-shaming to the preachers, Dan. You should fucking know better.
4
@2 Yeah, anonymous sex is mostly a dude thing, and it's not like there is a shortage of hetero dating sites.
5
So here is what I imagine will happen:
I, a straight woman, log on, ready for hot sex. I am in a public place, because showing my home location would be senseless.
I receive at least 100 messages in the first 3 minutes.
20 men show up, with or without messaging.
1 just sits in the corner and stares, too afraid to actually talk to me.
10 show up and leave, either not interested or afraid, or whatever.
3 come up to me to tell me that I am too fat/ugly for them, and how disappointed they are than only fat/ugly women are on this thing, but they will still let me blow them. (I will receive at least 50 messages similar to this)
2 come up and start conversations, and are actually interested (maybe a threeway for me!)
2 come up to tell me that I am a SLUT! A dirty SLUT!
The remaining 2 are lurking, watching without staring, and will follow me/us wherever we go, will watch for me in that neighborhood, will look for ways to either assault me or talk to me (either for sex or to tell me I am a SLUT!). If I/we go to my house, I will start receiving notes (slut!)/flowers (interested! or anonymous)/gifts/whatever.
If I am raped the defense will be - wait for it - she ASKED for it!! She is a SLUT!! If I am open to random sex with a random guy I meet on this app, I MUST be open to violent, forced rape!! The police/judge/jury will agree. Because I am a slut.
If I want anonymous casual sex, there are better ways to get it that doesn't let any creepo hone in on your location (I am guessing, since that is what Grindr does, yes?) and stalk you.
Also, this will mostly be filled with pros and men pretending to be women, either for laughs or closet cases trolling for gay sex (if they are using a straight app, it means they aren't gay, right?).
More...
I, a straight woman, log on, ready for hot sex. I am in a public place, because showing my home location would be senseless.
I receive at least 100 messages in the first 3 minutes.
20 men show up, with or without messaging.
1 just sits in the corner and stares, too afraid to actually talk to me.
10 show up and leave, either not interested or afraid, or whatever.
3 come up to me to tell me that I am too fat/ugly for them, and how disappointed they are than only fat/ugly women are on this thing, but they will still let me blow them. (I will receive at least 50 messages similar to this)
2 come up and start conversations, and are actually interested (maybe a threeway for me!)
2 come up to tell me that I am a SLUT! A dirty SLUT!
The remaining 2 are lurking, watching without staring, and will follow me/us wherever we go, will watch for me in that neighborhood, will look for ways to either assault me or talk to me (either for sex or to tell me I am a SLUT!). If I/we go to my house, I will start receiving notes (slut!)/flowers (interested! or anonymous)/gifts/whatever.
If I am raped the defense will be - wait for it - she ASKED for it!! She is a SLUT!! If I am open to random sex with a random guy I meet on this app, I MUST be open to violent, forced rape!! The police/judge/jury will agree. Because I am a slut.
If I want anonymous casual sex, there are better ways to get it that doesn't let any creepo hone in on your location (I am guessing, since that is what Grindr does, yes?) and stalk you.
Also, this will mostly be filled with pros and men pretending to be women, either for laughs or closet cases trolling for gay sex (if they are using a straight app, it means they aren't gay, right?).
6
The sheer desperation of straight men who can't get laid will strike this app dead. While there are some decent guys who can't catch a break who might be tempted to use this, the vast majority of men trawling the app will be unbelievably gross and will exhibit behavior to match. Any normal, non-prostitute woman who dips her toe into that pool will recoil in disgust within minutes, and most won't even try, especially if they've ever tried online dating or been in a meat market at last call.
So, I agree that it won't work, but not necessarily about the reasons why.
So, I agree that it won't work, but not necessarily about the reasons why.
13
the whole fucking world is grindr for straight people- a matrix of potential hookups arrayed before your eyes. I could see a niche version like JDate taking off, or something to pick kinksters out of a crowd, but straight people can take for granted that any room they walk into is a potential meat market.
The new app would still do one of the things grindr accomplishes for the gays- filtering out people too poor to afford a smartphone.
The new app would still do one of the things grindr accomplishes for the gays- filtering out people too poor to afford a smartphone.
14
Sure, there are risks, blah blah blah, but it's not really... Attractive to females?
Unless they're prostitutes.
Unless they're prostitutes.
15
@13: "the whole fucking world is grindr for straight people- a matrix of potential hookups arrayed before your eyes. I could see a niche version like JDate taking off, or something to pick kinksters out of a crowd, but straight people can take for granted that any room they walk into is a potential meat market."
Is your world somehow filled with co-ed bathhouses?
Is your world somehow filled with co-ed bathhouses?
17
"Vetting" sites -- long ago... or 5+ years ago or so,... when far too much of my life was spent in poorly lit rooms, logged onto Manhunt, trying to do God knows what with God knows who, my buddy and I wanted to invent a plug-in that could be overlaid (heh) with gay cruising sites that allowed people to recommend those who were on there to their other friends. We were going to call it Fuckster. (because Friendster was still big and Facebook was not yet to come)
Unfortunately, drugs that inspire ideas late at night aren't the type of drugs that allow for follow through on those inspired projects.
Unfortunately, drugs that inspire ideas late at night aren't the type of drugs that allow for follow through on those inspired projects.
18
I dunno.
I think more women are into casual hook ups than people here are giving them credit for.
I've done plenty of craigslist/online dating site hook ups in my day.
I think more women are into casual hook ups than people here are giving them credit for.
I've done plenty of craigslist/online dating site hook ups in my day.
19
Yeah, this seems unlikely to work. I'm a straight guy and I'll probably download it once after its been out for awhile just to see. I'll go to a bar or something and fire it up to see what's what and 100 to 1 its a bunch of dudes with some obvious prostitutes sprinkled in liberally. At that point, I'll delete the app and never think about it again.
20
I'm a woman and I love me some one night stands, but there is no way in HELL I'd use this, for all the reasonss @5 mentioned.
And I do think more women would like anonymous sex if it wasn't so damn dangerous. I know I would.
And I do think more women would like anonymous sex if it wasn't so damn dangerous. I know I would.
21
From the gay boy perspective, yeah i use grindr, I think this might work for some women mainly for the following reasons: they can meet/hook up with someone and not exchange their phone numbers with the guy until afterwards or just block the fucker if he's not the guy he said he was. Also, I don't think it'll be released on Android for one reason: iphone offers better security by allowing the person to take a screen shot of the guy's profile and send it another e-mail account or their friends for safety reason.
From the gay boy perspective, yeah i use grindr, I think this might work for some women mainly for the following reasons: they can meet/hook up with someone and not exchange their phone numbers with the guy until afterwards or just block the fucker if he's not the guy he said he was. Also, I don't think it'll be released on Android for one reason: iphone offers better security by allowing the person to take a screen shot of the guy's profile and send it another e-mail account or their friends for safety reason.
22
@20: Except that it isn't really that dangerous. You're looking at scary, unlikely worst-case scenarios. There really are plenty of women who do have anonymous sex, enjoy it, and nothing bad happens to them: it's just that more men than women are interested in it.
@13: Yes, exactly, since most people are straight, and there's no need to worry about homophobia, this is redundant because straight people can just go up to someone and talk to them if they're interested.
@13: Yes, exactly, since most people are straight, and there's no need to worry about homophobia, this is redundant because straight people can just go up to someone and talk to them if they're interested.
23
@17 dudesnude verifies members by having them take a picture with their profile number either written on your body or a piece of paper clearly attached to it. leads to a site with fewer but hotter and more interesting guys- not to mention a simple non-flash-based layout resembling early Facebook in its simplicity that load on even the worst wireless connection.
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