SL Letter of the Day: A Friendly Amendment to CPOS Rule
by Dan Savage
on Thu, Sep 1, 2011 at 5:25 PM
Loved the advice to LAH this week, Dan, but I think a little point of clarification is in order. You answer was good, but it allowed too much wiggle room for future Mr. LAHs. I've bolded my suggested changes:
Okay, LAH, here’s a little something I recently wrote that sums up my position on outside sexual relationships: “Cheating is permissible when it amounts to the least worst option, i.e., it is allowed for someone who has made a monogamous commitment and isn’t getting any at home (sick or disabled spouse, or withholding-without-cause spouse (after good faith efforts have made to clearly inform withholding without cause spouse of needs (and their importance) and making good faith efforts resolve needs consensually) and divorce isn’t an option (sick or disabled spouse, or withholding-without-cause-spouse-who-can’t-be-divorced-for-some-karma-imperiling-reason-or-other) and the sex on the side makes it possible for the cheater to stay married and stay sane. (An exception can be made for a married person with a kink that his or her spouse can’t/won’t accommodate, so long as the kink can be taken care of safely and discreetly.)”
Keep up the good work!
Thanks, E., and your proposed amendment is hereby adopted. And in a somewhat startling development... the gang at Jezebel liked my advice for LAH. And anyone seeking a clarification about what exactly I mean by "sick or disabled spouse"—a hangnail doesn't count, kids—should go read Girl With a Pearl Earing's comment on that post over at Jezebel. (Look for the comment that begins, "He is usually pretty good about illness...") She pretty much nails it.
And because "Savage Love" is about people... people helping people... a helpful bonus letter after the jump...
Anyway, I read this week's column about Please Help Me looking for, essentially, a Sugar Baby. He mentions AshleyMadison.com and SugarDaddy.com and moans of his bad luck. I, being a successful (albeit male) Sugar Baby, recommend the old standby Craigslist and SeekingArrangement.com. SA is where I have found all of my success as a Sugar Baby and it is very easy to use, although it does cost money. But, being a potential Sugar Daddy, that shouldn't be a problem for Please Help Me.
I would advise him to list out EXACTLY who he is and EXACTLY what he's looking for in his profile. And he needs to understand that getting the Sugar Baby of his dreams will take time, a few dates that won't lead anywhere, and a little frustration. But if he sticks with it—and is ready to fork out some dough/gifts—he will find the right lady for him!