Irene Could Be Really Bad: Obama ends his vacation to Martha's Vineyard early, Bloomberg orders the evacuation of 270,000 residents, Governor Christie says something frantic and New Jersey-esque, and Nate Silver estimates that the damage from Irene could realistically top $35 billion, or half of NYC's annual budget.

C.R. Douglas Is a Gentleman: After being baited to mock Jean Godden's age and "varicose veins" on 100.7 The Wolf, C.R. refuses to play along, and accurately notes that Godden "does aerobics at least four days a week."

Casino Bombed in Mexico: Wealthy Mexicans flee and spark a "Texas Miracle." Mexican President Calderon states painful, poignant truths; outrage ensues?

787 Finally Certified: Boeing's Dreamliner is certified by the FAA a little more than four weeks in advance of the first obligated plane delivery to All Nippon Airways.

China Clamps Down on Twitter Equivalents: Not for international IP claims, but out of a growing concern over the government's "inability to curb free expression on the Internet."

Orca Not Maimed; Just Pregnant: A mopey whale west of San Juan Island was thought to have been struck by a boat, but now researchers think the 18 year-old orca is going to be a first-time mother. No word on the shotgun orca wedding yet.

Perry Is a Homophobe: If there were ever doubt, Perry has signed NOM's pledge to send a Constitutional marriage amendment to the States as President.

Bank Employee Allegedly Robs Other Banks: A Pierce County man has confessed to robbing six banks, allegedly to fund his expensive Percocet addiction. "He said he was taking five to eight pills a day and was buying them on the street for $30 each, court documents state."

Buffett Plays Long Game: America's least ostentatious billionaire injects $5 billion in capital into the troubled Bank of America. I hope this means the $100 left in my account is safe...

And now, let's listen to LBJ order some pants: