Republican candidate health care plans have started to emerge. Rick Perry's plan, for instance, has four entire steps! Unfortunately, the first step involves undoing Obama's health care plan, and then the rest of it is "fuck all y'all."

On Wednesday night, the governor's camp released an early sketch of what his health care plan could entail. Perry spokesman Mark Miner said the first thing the governor would do as president is work with Congress to repeal "Obamacare." Then he would "start over," first by working to stabilize the country’s economy for employers, then by trying to "free states from federal mandates and empower them to develop innovative solutions." Finally, he would attempt to lower skyrocketing health care costs "through the proven, market-based strategies of transparency, choice and competition." Perry wants states to be given flexibility and incentives to foster competition in the insurance market, to design solutions for patients with pre-existing conditions, to lower costs for small businesses and to implement Texas-style tort reform, Miner said.

Absolutely. The market will absolutely make health care affordable for us all. That is a genius plan, Rick Perry. Not only are you a master of the market, but your stance on climate change proves you are a master "skeptical scientist," too. Is there anything this man can't do, I ask you?