From yesterday afternoon's electronic mailbag:

Yes, I know you're on a deadline, Bethany, so that's why I chose this excellent time to inform you that we need to talk about substituting yogurt for mayonnaise. It's awful. Yogurt is nothing like mayonnaise. What the fuck are people thinking?

And the best part? Those blowhards who espouse Greek yogurt for mayonnaise. Have you ever read the ingredients for that stuff? Delicious, because it contains CREAM. Cream, which is chock full of yummy animal fat. What does mayonnaise have in it? Vegetable fat! Unsaturated vegetable fat! The kind that doesn't clog your arteries!

Really. My friend mayonnaise is getting a bad rap. Bethany, I hope you will see fit to cover this issue AT LENGTH in an upcoming issue. I'm thinking a ten thousand word exposé on how middle-aged women in Southern California have ruined magazine recipes for a generation by including chipper remarks like "this coleslaw is virtuous and will line your colon with cash-producing enzymes because we've substituted yogurt for all that yucky mayonnaise which was sent by Xanthu to stop us up and make us hate life."

I thank you.
TVDinner

I wrote back to tell our friend TVDinner that nobody with a soul substitutes yogurt for mayonnaise, and that I didn't think we needed to spill any valuable ink on it. However, pixels are free (and TVDinner wrote back, "I weep"). So, a poll!