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Monday, July 18, 2011

God Wants Rick Perry to Be President

Posted by on Mon, Jul 18, 2011 at 11:31 AM

This will certainly make the campaign more interesting:

The Texan with the slight Southern drawl who has called dozens of top Iowa Republican activists in the past few weeks sounds more and more like he’s about to run for president.

“I’m not ready to tell you that I’m ready to announce that I’m in,” Gov. Rick Perry told The Des Moines Register. “But I’m getting more and more comfortable every day that this is what I’ve been called to do. This is what America needs.”

Perry is a God-thumping, swaggering, phony man-of-the-people who might just suck all the attention away from Michele Bachmann when he jumps into the race this fall. I don't think he'll make it to the big rodeo in November, 2012; it would be practically impossible for Republicans to sell the Republican governor of Texas who immediately followed George W. Bush as a presidential candidate to a United States that still believes George W. Bush fucked us on a fundamental level.

In fact, a Perry candidacy kind of reminds me of Hillary Clinton's dumb 2008 refrain that "It takes a Clinton to clean up after a Bush." You never want to be linked to an old administration, even a successful one; Americans don't vote backward for presidents, we vote forward, into the future. But Republicans are going to fucking fall in hardcore love with Perry for a while, even as the big money candidates try to cram Romney down the electorate's throat.


Comments (18) RSS

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This is not good. We do not need another Texan in the White House, much less one who thinks he's been called by God.
Posted by Bugnroolet on July 18, 2011 at 11:43 AM · Report this
Fnarf 2
Being Texan is not why Rick Perry needs to be put out like a campfire. He's not responsible for GWB in any way.

I am looking forward to the Army of God making its way across the US, pounding stakes into the ground with Bible verses on. That's not at all nut-cakey. Perry's Jesusisms are even weirder than Bachmann's.
Posted by Fnarf on July 18, 2011 at 11:48 AM · Report this
Is there something which comes with being the Governor of Texas which raises the prospect of God telling you to run for President? Some positions come with more powerful connections than others I suppose.
Posted by CitizenCharlie on July 18, 2011 at 11:57 AM · Report this
For those keeping score at home, that makes two Republicans who God has personally called to run. WTF, God? You have to stack the deck? You can't just pick a favorite and bless them into the White House?

It almost seems like when these two say "God", they really mean "the voices in my head."
Posted by also on July 18, 2011 at 12:06 PM · Report this
Last of the Time Lords 5
Are you implying that Bill Clinton was successful? If so, what part? DOMA? DADT? Maybe Clinton's signing away of Glass-Stegal opened the flood gates to the economic disaster we are sitting in right now that Obama is trying to clean up after.

Really, what was Clinton so wonderful at doing? Oh, and did I forget his fumbling (along with Hillary) of their attempt at serious health care reform.
Posted by Last of the Time Lords on July 18, 2011 at 12:07 PM · Report this
The Republicans just have to sell Perry to the Republican primary electorate, not to the whole U.S. And the Republican primary electorate mostly not only lervs Texans, they don't believe we were fucked by GWB. Besides, camp Perry and camp GWB have distanced themselves from each other; in fact, Rove et al, i.e. the big money backers, may be the biggest obstacle to a primary win for Perry. But the primary voters may go for phony Christian Perry over the Massachusetts Mormon. Better hair, too. And should he be the nominee, we can only hope sanity wins the day and the stake-driving Army of God will deter the swingers. I mean, swing voters.
Posted by Vadt on July 18, 2011 at 12:13 PM · Report this
Simac 8
Hasn't Mr. Perry advocated Texas secession?

Isn't that un-American at best, treason at worst?
Posted by Simac on July 18, 2011 at 12:24 PM · Report this
@8: No, removing Texas from the union is the greatest gift anyone could give America. The sign of a true patriot.
Posted by also on July 18, 2011 at 12:35 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 10
@8- Palin spoke at Alaskan secessionist meetings and she got to be VP nominee, so evidently that's not a problem.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings on July 18, 2011 at 12:54 PM · Report this
National media please don't repeat the mistakes of GWB. Sure Perry isn't really a continual failure, an underachieving Ivy League legacy with a fake Texas accent. But he is a total mess of a governor (a position with little executive power compared to other states). Write about his behavior, not the Christian cowboy swagger narrative.
Posted by St. Murse on July 18, 2011 at 1:20 PM · Report this
Tingleyfeeln 12
Read My Lips: No New Texans (in the white house)!
Look through history and you will see that every time a Texan is president we have some kind of war.
I say that if it is true that part of the Texas state constitution says they can secceed, then Texans should be barred from the presidency until they take it out of their constitution.
My apologies to all the good Texans out there, but your state produces more than its fare share of whackos.
Posted by Tingleyfeeln on July 18, 2011 at 1:24 PM · Report this
very bad homo 13
God is an idiot.
Posted by very bad homo on July 18, 2011 at 1:33 PM · Report this
raindrop 14
Actually, most of us were richer back when a former Texas governor was president. We are not better off than we were four years ago.
Posted by raindrop on July 18, 2011 at 1:40 PM · Report this
Fnarf 15
@12, most of the time we have ANY kind of a president we have some kind of a war.
Posted by Fnarf on July 18, 2011 at 2:10 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 16
Yeah, I'm pretty sure our kids have been dying in meaningless wars the entire time I've been alive. And I'm not a youngster.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty on July 18, 2011 at 2:18 PM · Report this
The REAL question Raindrip is: Are you better off today than you were 12 years ago?


Clearly one of them is lying. The Lord God Jehovah would not place his hand of righteous anointment upon the heads of TWO GOP candidates, for yea verily that would cause confusion and consternation amongst the faithful, who would not know which of the two candidates was truly the Chosen One.

For, as any good, righteous, godly Christian will avouch, God's ways are indeed mysterious, but they are also unequivocal.
Posted by COMTE on July 18, 2011 at 2:46 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 18
@17 - God has called them all to fight each other for his own amusement.
Posted by MacCrocodile on July 18, 2011 at 2:58 PM · Report this
samktg 19
@18, The RNC should strongly consider switching its nomination process to a nationally televised gladitorial fight to the death.
Posted by samktg on July 18, 2011 at 4:01 PM · Report this

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