New, standardized hours of operation at state liquor stores means The Stranger's very own Christopher Frizzelle no longer needs to be sober to plan his extensive booze-purchasing activities. Starting July 1, all 166 locations will now be open 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., Monday through Thursday, and 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday. 58 state liquor stores will be open Sundays, 12 p.m. to 5 p.m., including the one just down the street from Frizzelle's home and office.

According to Frizzelle, he generally sleeps between midnight and 8:15 a.m. each night, a sleep pattern that conveniently overlaps with the liquor stores' off hours, leaving less than 5 waking hours a day (11 on Sundays) during which he might inadvertently stumble across a closed liquor store. That's less than 10 percent of Frizzelle's waking hours each week during which he can't buy liquor, some of which time is presumably devoted to eating, drinking, pooping, pissing, fucking, bathing, and occasionally writing stuff for The Stranger.