In Syria: Government forces killed 36 people yesterday when they opened fire on protesters in the northern town of Jisr al-Shughour.
In Arizona: With only five percent of last week's fire contained, firefighters are preparing to face predicted winds up to 30 MPH today.
In Joplin, MO: Eight people have been confirmed to have rare, deadly fungal infection. Three have died, and experts think it may have been caused by last month's tornado.
Breaking! Formaldehyde isn't good for you, says the Department of Health.
Run, Newt, Run! Newt Gingrich tells the NY Times it's not his wife's fault everybody quit, says he'll prove his former entire staff wrong!
A Governor Hard at Work*: If you like reading about lies, check out an entire archive of released emails sent by Sarah Palin. You'll find out about faked TV interviews, newspaper columns published under a different name, and other poor choices. SarahPAC says, "The emails detail a governor hard at work. Everyone should read them."
At Least None of Them Were Underage? Delaware police are questioning a high school girl in connection with Rep. Anthony Weiner's texting habit.
Today, in Probably Not Worth It: 12 people got into a half-hour brawl aboard a Virgin Airlines Flight from the UK to Barbados at 30,000 feet yesterday, allegedly in response to one passenger swearing in front of a child.
Today, in Creepy: A 74-year-old was sentenced yesterday in two 40-year-old cold-case murders that happened in Madison Park and the Central District.
Zut Alors! Europe may fine France for mistreating its hamsters.
*To be fair, lying is REALLY hard work.
Finally, for no reason, here's a little kid dancing with heartwarming flair to some old-school Madonna. Come on, vogue! Good morning.