Brad Crelia, co-founder of Seattle-based Hivster.com, told me he wanted to do a Q&A with me for his site. I agreed on one condition: he do a Q&A with me for Slog. Brad's interview with me for Hivster is over here. My interview with Brad is right here:

What is Hivster.com?

Hivster.com is an online magazine that strives to give voice to anyone living with or affected by HIV. We believe that living life to the fullest is essential to everyone, especially those who are HIV+. The disease is only part of one’s life and it’s important to remember the things we love. By bringing together health, fashion, art, culture and social issues, we hope to speak to young, forward-thinking, hip/alternative men who unfortunately make up a huge portion of new diagnosis yet have little online that’s geared toward them besides health websites and pharmaceutical advertisements.

Who is the site for?

Everyone, HIV doesn’t just affect those diagnosed; it affects those around them—friends, family, fuck buddies, lovers, partners... everyone.

What inspired you to create the site?

When I first found out [that I was positive], my friend Jesse and I searched the internet to find something that could help me figure out what to do. We were pretty clueless on HIV and what we found were boring, grey, medical sites that totally turned us off. We found the information we needed but that’s it. And afterwards, we had no desire to visit the sites again. We felt an HIV-focused website that also included music, culture, art and things that are interesting to younger people was needed, so we started working on Hivster. In addition, a BUTT magazine piece I wrote, shortly after my diagnosis, got a lot of really good feedback and this further inspired us. We knew something new was needed and that it could be helpful to other guys like us.

How long have you been out?

I came out in two stages. My Dad found out when I was 13, I forgot to clear the history of his computer and there were some porn sites and AIM chat’s with other gay guys. He was pissed and sent me to some “fix -the -gay” therapist, and he planned a Focus on the Family “Father and Son” event for us to attend in LA. We told my Mom I was going to Disney Land. I eventually told her the truth and due to the custody agreements of their divorce, I moved to live with her.

I didn’t really talk about being gay for another year or two. When the conversation came up, we were in her room and I started bawling, told her and remember her saying something like, “Brad, I love you and knew you were gay for a long time. I was afraid you were going to tell me you were a Republican.”

How long have you been positive?

I found out that I was positive March 4th 2010.

What do you know now about being HIV+ that you didn't know before you before you acquired HIV?

That it’s pretty manageable. At first I thought I was screwed and was going to die within a few years, start wasting way and that was it. I was totally wrong. Honestly, if you cut out heavy drinking, get a good therapist, take your meds regularly and don’t miss doses, you’re pretty much okay.

My first test results were bad—my viral load was higher than most, but thankfully my t-cell’s weren’t too low since I had recently acquired HIV probably within the previous few months.

I’m undetectable now and eat better and exercise, at least when I am not exhausted from Hivster work. Overall, I now know I will stay healthy if I stay on my regimen of meds and stay away from drugs and partying. When I was diagnosed with HIV I turned my life around. I stopped going out all the time, stopped hooking up and take better care of myself. I think that’s true with a majority of POS guys.

What's the biggest misconception that HIV- guys have about HIV+ guys?

That’s a tricky question. Before I was HIV+ I was really afraid and wouldn’t sleep with POS guys. I felt the disease was still really nasty and would ruin my life. Now, I know it’s actually safer to sleep with a POS guy who is undetectable than to sleep with a guy that thinks he’s negative. If he’s actually positive, his viral load will make contracting HIV from him significantly more likely than contracting it from an undetectable POS guy.

What's the biggest misconception that HIV+ guys have about HIV- guys?

That they won’t date you, sleep with you or care about you. After I found out I was positive, I had a few dates and the guys didn’t care about my status, and eventually met a really special guys we were together until just a few weeks ago. HIV+ guys are not doomed to life alone and you still can and will enjoy life. There are just a few more hurdles to jump over.

Does an HIV+ guy have a responsibility to use a condom with a sex partner who is negative—even if the negative guy doesn't ask him to?

Absolutely, but doesn’t this question subtly presuppose that, were the sero-statuses of the guys different, the answer to this question might be different also? That strikes me as dangerous territory. Instead, why not simply ask, “Does a guy have a responsibility to use a condom with a sex partner even if the partner doesn’t ask him to?” Shouldn’t both questions be answered similarly?

The question also implies that only the supposedly HIV-negative person needs or benefits from condom-usage when he could have STDs or perhaps a different form of HIV than the positive guy. Both possibilities could lead to significant consequences for the positive guy.

Therefore, might we also ask, “Does an HIV- guy have a responsibility to use a condom even if his HIV+ partner doesn’t ask him to?”

No matter your status, we all share equally in responsibility.

If you could hammer one idea or concept into the heads of all gay men everywhere, what would it be?

Easy, keep on living life. Art, music, pop culture, literature are for HIV positive and negative people alike. Indeed, after seroconversion, we may need them now more than ever.