Slog
News & ArtsSaturday, May 14, 2011
LGBTQITSLFA The Single Most Important Political Action a Gay Person Can Take
Posted by Dan Savage on Sat, May 14, 2011 at 10:31 AM
Being out to your family:
As gay rights advocates intensify their campaign to legalize same-sex marriage in New York, the bulk of their money is coming from an unexpected source: a group of conservative financiers and wealthy donors to the Republican Party, most of whom are known for bankrolling right-leaning candidates and causes. [The] donors represent some of New York’s wealthiest and most politically active figures and include Paul E. Singer, a hedge fund manager and top-tier Republican donor, as well as two other financiers, Steven A. Cohen and Clifford S. Asness.... The involvement of Mr. Singer is the most striking, given his devotion to conservative candidates and philanthropy: He is chairman of the Manhattan Institute, a right-leaning research group, and one of the most generous Republican donors in the country. But he also has a personal stake in the issue: he has a gay son who married his partner in Massachusetts, where same-sex marriage is legal.
We're winning and this is why.
1
If your parents are already pro-marriage equality lefty liberals and you would rather not give them the smug satisfaction of knowing that the only Republican in the family is also a homo do you still have to come out to them?
2
Every family has gay people in it somewhere. I still can't get my parents to stop voting Republican, though.
3
Well, yeah. Unlike your politics, sexual orientation isn't a mere phase (e.g.,"YOU DON'T KNOW ME! HATE YOU MOM AND DAD! IMA BE DIFFERENT!"). Or, you could be like real ken mehlman and work in the shadows to undermine gay civil equality like a coward while getting your rocks off discreetly with rentboys (that's male whores, or hewhores), never coming (as it were) clean until the threat of a humiliating public outing against your wishes forces your hand. He's like a balloon filled with toxic waste...no, like if a large pile of dog shit and a giant douche were to mate and have offspring....nah, you can be a fag and a republican--look at newt.
4
Right. I was called a disgrace and embarassment and told not to come around anymore. Oh, and for good measure that I was going to hell.
5
I haven't actually voted republican in many years but that hasn't changed my basic attitudes about how things should be.
7
We are winning and they HATE it! I LOVE THAT!
Make it better for someone else by giving them 2 minutes of your time. You just never know what it might mean to them.
Make it better for someone else by giving them 2 minutes of your time. You just never know what it might mean to them.
8
Yeah..."I'm not like you, mom and dad! You just don't understand!"*
*Slams bedroom door and blasts green day.***
**Or whatever the angsty white suburban kids are listening to these days.
*Slams bedroom door and blasts green day.***
**Or whatever the angsty white suburban kids are listening to these days.
9
Vince, a bunch of us will be right there with you in that hell they told you about. I bet it's going to be FAB-U-LOUS!
10
@4
I was told much the same things twenty some odd years ago, and accused of ruining all family dinners (presumably for all families for all time) to boot. But it was still worth coming out, and if I had to do it over again I would. FTR it took my mother many years to accept me as gay, (many years and a copy of the book 'The Kid' one more reason to thank Mr. Savage)
We owe it to ourselves, those that came before us and those who will come after us to be out
I was told much the same things twenty some odd years ago, and accused of ruining all family dinners (presumably for all families for all time) to boot. But it was still worth coming out, and if I had to do it over again I would. FTR it took my mother many years to accept me as gay, (many years and a copy of the book 'The Kid' one more reason to thank Mr. Savage)
We owe it to ourselves, those that came before us and those who will come after us to be out
12
Not necessarily. You know, it's funny that the most liberal identified people are often the ones whose tolerance and celebration of all things minority dries up quickly when it impacts their lives more directly. "I love gay people. Jeffrey at the office is gay, and I'm a democrat and liberal, hrrumpf hrrumpf...just no son/daughter of mine...that's different."
Steven Cohen belongs in jail. Insider trading is baked into the business model of most if not all u.s. hedge funds. Besides, he's a complete powercunt, too. The smaller fish singer guy, despite his self serving support of the gay community because his family's bent, sounds like a grade A douchenozzle, too.
Steven Cohen belongs in jail. Insider trading is baked into the business model of most if not all u.s. hedge funds. Besides, he's a complete powercunt, too. The smaller fish singer guy, despite his self serving support of the gay community because his family's bent, sounds like a grade A douchenozzle, too.
13
Until my best friend came out and until I knew one of my favorite cousins was gay... I could have cared less (sorry). Now I think about it, I fight for it, I care. It matters. Your parents may not change but other family members will. They will think about it and realize that civil rights are being violated and they will stand up for you...
14
Yeah, my parents are liberal lefties but they don't like gay people. I came out to them 12 years ago and they still can't even bring themselves to say the word "gay" out loud. They vote against gay rights not because of religious reasons but because the thought of two dudes having butt sex freaks them out. So much so that my dad refuses to shake my gay friends' hands or sit in a seat that a gay person previously sat in. Your kid coming out don't do shit for that kind of mentality, it just makes them dislike gay issues even more.
16
They're pro-union, pro-environment and they usually vote Democratic. They're just giant babbys when it comes to the gay, like most baby boomers IME.
17
My really conservative mother told me when I came out to her at fourteen that it was a choice, I should never tell anyone, etc. I honestly thought I'd have to run away from home if she found out I was dating a girl. I've spent eight years wearing her down, though, and now she supports same sex marriage, repealing DADT, passing ENDA, etc.
It was terrible at first. I was really depressed in high school, and I nearly became one of those suicide statistics. Things have gotten better for me. And since my littlest sister (now fourteen) is almost certainly bisexual, even if she hasn't quite come out yet, I made things better for her, too.
So it really is important to come out. I know that it doesn't happen like this for everyone, but I know I never thought it'd happen for me...
It was terrible at first. I was really depressed in high school, and I nearly became one of those suicide statistics. Things have gotten better for me. And since my littlest sister (now fourteen) is almost certainly bisexual, even if she hasn't quite come out yet, I made things better for her, too.
So it really is important to come out. I know that it doesn't happen like this for everyone, but I know I never thought it'd happen for me...
18
When I came out, my parents were what I'd describe as gay-agnostic. They had never uttered a word about the subject one way or another throughout my entire childhood, and I hadn't a clue how they'd take it. At first they blamed themselves; like they must have done something wrong as parents to cause me to be gay. But like most reasonable parents, they eventually came around, accepted me, learned more about it, and came to accept that gay is normal.
Now they are getting much older, and are retired. They are very active in PFLAG, have marched in pride parades, and have driven to Olympia to personally try to persuade their state representative to vote to support gay issues (they live in a swing district). They talk about me with their friends, and include a picture of me and my partner in their annual Christmas letter, encouraging their friends to push for the day we can get married.
So, yes, coming out makes a huge difference. My parents would not be nearly as politically active and vocal supporters of gay rights if I had never come out. 25 years ago, they'd likely have voted against it.
It may not work for every parent, but it does for all those middle-of-the-road fence sitters.
Now they are getting much older, and are retired. They are very active in PFLAG, have marched in pride parades, and have driven to Olympia to personally try to persuade their state representative to vote to support gay issues (they live in a swing district). They talk about me with their friends, and include a picture of me and my partner in their annual Christmas letter, encouraging their friends to push for the day we can get married.
So, yes, coming out makes a huge difference. My parents would not be nearly as politically active and vocal supporters of gay rights if I had never come out. 25 years ago, they'd likely have voted against it.
It may not work for every parent, but it does for all those middle-of-the-road fence sitters.
19
@4 No, but I found acceptance when I made my own family. As for them, I would have ended up a broken drunk if I ever went back so I didn't. They did me a favor.
20
@16 -- Democrats can still be right-wing douchebags. I live in West Virginia, where most Republicans elsewhere are liberal heathens by my state's standards.
21
Odd things in my family, we don't talk about what's important. When my younger sister recognized handcuff keys on my key ring she said, "Alright [my name] Bondage!" and my parents never said a word. Been swimming with my nipple-piercing (since removed) not a word.
Back in the day, I made bi/trans/BDSM porn, if anyone in my family ever saw my face on a VCR/magazine shot, I never heard about it. I mean, I'm out in a city where "the love that dare not speak it's name" doesn't ever shut up. I'm out bi- to everyone I've ever dated, my ex-wife, total strangers, and the one woman who wanted me to autograph her boob while I was out having Sunday brunch with some cute boys.
But to my family, not so much. I'm sure they must know by now but they don't want to acknowledge that they know. Weird.
Back in the day, I made bi/trans/BDSM porn, if anyone in my family ever saw my face on a VCR/magazine shot, I never heard about it. I mean, I'm out in a city where "the love that dare not speak it's name" doesn't ever shut up. I'm out bi- to everyone I've ever dated, my ex-wife, total strangers, and the one woman who wanted me to autograph her boob while I was out having Sunday brunch with some cute boys.
But to my family, not so much. I'm sure they must know by now but they don't want to acknowledge that they know. Weird.
22
This is a win-win for the MOTU donors. If opposition to gay rights causes (mostly) geriatric assholes to turn out disproportionately and vote in another bevy of reichtards, they lose marriage rights for their gay kids, but gain more enablers of the long-running, wealth-favoring class warfare. So, cheers regardless.
24
14
Your Dad is a wise man.
Feces is tough to get out from under fingernails, and leakage is a common occurance.
Your Dad is a wise man.
Feces is tough to get out from under fingernails, and leakage is a common occurance.
25
This IS monumental!
Because, EVERYONE knows that Republican Wall Street Fatcats are the moral compasses of the universe...
Oh Hot Diggity Dog!!
We ARE Winning!!!!!!!
Because, EVERYONE knows that Republican Wall Street Fatcats are the moral compasses of the universe...
Oh Hot Diggity Dog!!
We ARE Winning!!!!!!!
26
24
speaking of which, Danny hasn't been pissing himself on Slog about undercooked hamburger meat lately.
which is a shame cause it was always hysterical to hear Mr Frothy Feces whining about E.Coli....
speaking of which, Danny hasn't been pissing himself on Slog about undercooked hamburger meat lately.
which is a shame cause it was always hysterical to hear Mr Frothy Feces whining about E.Coli....
28
The really big deal will be when we start seeing serious pro gay republican candidates. You may think it can't happen, but the transition in the UK was incredibly abrupt. The conservatives went from reflexive homophobia to enlightened in only a few years.
When there is a big pool of pro-gay republican donors you'll start to see an emergent class of pro gay republican candidates.
When there is a big pool of pro-gay republican donors you'll start to see an emergent class of pro gay republican candidates.
29
So does that mean that we will have gay and pro-gay right-wing ass-holes Republican politicians act just as stupidly (on just about every issue except gay rights) as do straight right wing ass-holes Republican politicians?
I suspect so. We've seen it with women.
Obviously it's still huge social progress but my question is whether there will be a beneficial fall-out to progressive issues generally? Asked seriously.
I suspect so. We've seen it with women.
Obviously it's still huge social progress but my question is whether there will be a beneficial fall-out to progressive issues generally? Asked seriously.
33
'James Bondage, James Bondage: he's got me tied up and held as a hostage...'
Dude, not heard that song in years.
That being said, good for you, Vince. I agree with Dan, but it's easier said than done to come out knowing that your family will most likely reject you or that you'll face discrimination and cruelty. It takes a lot of guts. Kudos to anyone who attempts it.
Dude, not heard that song in years.
That being said, good for you, Vince. I agree with Dan, but it's easier said than done to come out knowing that your family will most likely reject you or that you'll face discrimination and cruelty. It takes a lot of guts. Kudos to anyone who attempts it.
34
@28 David Cameron (the UK's Prime Minister and leader of the Conservative Party, for those who might don't know) has said he's not anti-gay, and has made a couple nice-sounding speeches to that effect, but he doesn't try to bring about pro-gay policies, and he refuses to instruct his party to vote pro-gay, claiming that it's a "matter of conscience". The Conservative Party is mostly still virulently anti-gay.
I mean, their leader at least attempting to appear pro-gay is something good, but he's still an asshole and he hasn't tried to follow through on it at all.
I mean, their leader at least attempting to appear pro-gay is something good, but he's still an asshole and he hasn't tried to follow through on it at all.
35
Also, Dan, coming out is politically useful, yes, but may be personally quite risky. I don't think hounding people to come out is helpful at all. I say that as a pansexual man who isn't out to his parents.
36
Some people's families might never come around. But that doesn't mean that neighbors, acquaintances, co-workers, extended family members,and the like won't stop and picture the human face next time a civil rights issue come up.
It's important that everybody is able to say that they are close to someone who is gay, because only then will everyone's civil and social equality matter to everyone.
It's important that everybody is able to say that they are close to someone who is gay, because only then will everyone's civil and social equality matter to everyone.
37
Harvey Milk was right then, and he is still right.
We need to remember that the act of Coming Out is not the end of the race, but the beginning of the race. You can't win a race you don't start.
We need to remember that the act of Coming Out is not the end of the race, but the beginning of the race. You can't win a race you don't start.
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