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Friday, April 22, 2011

Politics / Religion Maybe He'll Sacrifice a Virgin Next Time

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Apr 22, 2011 at 9:50 AM

As a completely logical response to drought, Boing Boing says that Governor Rick Perry has issued a proclamation asking Texans to pray for rain:

WHEREAS, the state of Texas is in the midst of an exceptional drought, with some parts of the state receiving no significant rainfall for almost three months, matching rainfall deficit records dating back to the 1930s ... NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal way of life.

Now let's all pray for job creation!

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Comments (27) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Jesus is my firefighter.

Posted by OuterCow on April 22, 2011 at 9:59 AM

I'm letting all my Texas friends know to do their part.

I also suggest that Sloggers also pray for rain in Texas. Everyone might as well pitch in.

Actually, I'd really like to see some of you write prayer cards that we can all read from on those days. Let's here your best prayers to the great Texan rain bringer!

Posted by LukeJoe on April 22, 2011 at 10:01 AM

Might as well hire a voodoo doctor. Do people always need to resort to fourth century superstitions? Fercrissakes, it's a weather pattern. Rain will come when it comes. Morons! (no offense to morons)

Posted by Vince on April 22, 2011 at 10:01 AM

I would gladly give them some of the rain we've had. I spend all my time with the shop-vac in the basement. NOT FUN! Since I'm an atheist, if I pray for more rain, will it stop?

Posted by angel in indy on April 22, 2011 at 10:07 AM

Well, undoubtedly, one of the prayers will work and it will be raining again in Texas.

Posted by raindrop on April 22, 2011 at 10:11 AM

can he even find a virgin in texas to sacrifice ?

Posted by reverend dr dj riz on April 22, 2011 at 10:14 AM

There used to be a tv ad that ran about Texas saying it's a "whole other country". (I think it was for it's tourism agency)

I wish Texas was it's own other country. Then we could see how many weeks it would take to become a third world nation.

Posted by Last of the Time Lords on April 22, 2011 at 10:16 AM

I also forgot to mention that Gov. Perry asked for federal help. Shouldn't that be lynching talk in Texass?

Posted by Vince on April 22, 2011 at 10:23 AM

I think the bigger question is:

Why is God pissed off with Texas?

But they never seem to think about it that way, do they?

Posted by Mike in Olympia on April 22, 2011 at 10:26 AM

@9 - great!

@8 - Yeah, I feel like this is a great time to call Perry out on his secessionist rhetoric.

Posted by bookworm on April 22, 2011 at 10:32 AM

@9:

Yeah, strange that God is only being wrathful when the natural disaster is hitting one of them "librul blue states". And yet when there's a drought in Texas or tornadoes in the "Bible Belt", somehow "God" and "wrath" never seem to be used to describe the phenomenon.

Posted by COMTE

on April 22, 2011 at 10:36 AM

...god throws a BBQ, and Texas prays for rain.

Posted by Heavy Cloud No Rain on April 22, 2011 at 10:38 AM

So, Texas is on fire? I always thought it was Hell, anyway.

Posted by Brooklyn Reader on April 22, 2011 at 11:05 AM

The other day, a very religious relative of mine posted a Facebook status praying for lower gas prices. It's amazing how Christers don't think God has anything better to do.

Posted by keshmeshi on April 22, 2011 at 11:10 AM

fuck you know they are going to pray for their football teams too, we need to counter prayer that shit

Posted by aardvark on April 22, 2011 at 11:14 AM

Well, then obviously Texas won't need that $2.2 billion in emergency relief funds, right?

Posted by laterite on April 22, 2011 at 11:24 AM

The scary thing is that rain is already forecast for a lot of Texas on Monday. If it actually rains Monday I guarantee you this fucker will take credit for it

Posted by Root on April 22, 2011 at 11:30 AM

sheridan said 'if i owned hell and texas, i'd live in hell and rent out texas.'

Posted by scary tyler moore

on April 22, 2011 at 11:43 AM

@9- "Why is God mad at Texas?"

Austin, obviously.

Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings

on April 22, 2011 at 12:31 PM

Texans' main problem has always been that they don't pray enough.

Posted by Original Andrew on April 22, 2011 at 1:18 PM

God is saying She wants Texas to go Blue or else.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on April 22, 2011 at 1:33 PM

Rick Perry is the absolute and hateful symbol - nay, the very avatar - of the reasons this Texan moved away from Texas.

Posted by balderdash

on April 22, 2011 at 3:46 PM

We, the people of St. Louis, Missouri, would be happy to donate some of our rain. We've been getting far too much of it.

But hell, if the results are this hilarious, we'll keep it.

Posted by MaryMal on April 22, 2011 at 3:52 PM

Dang. Just when my prayers that Texas burns to the ground were going so well.

Posted by Free Lunch on April 22, 2011 at 7:14 PM

Prayers to Satan are much more effective than prayers to God, who has proved again and again that he doesn't care, whereas we have ample evidence that Satan *does* care! - born in TX in WWII.

Posted by jimbat on April 22, 2011 at 11:37 PM

Excuse me while I get into my jet and seed some clouds over Texas so the rain starts.

SCIENCE!

Posted by A Concerned Parent on April 22, 2011 at 11:40 PM

Prayers to Satan are much more effective than prayers to God, who has shown over and over again that He doesn't care, while Satan has much better credentials. - born in Ft Worth in WWII.

Posted by aesthetic.continuum on April 22, 2011 at 11:49 PM