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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Politics Santorum's Running

Posted by Dan Savage on Thu, Apr 14, 2011 at 5:39 AM

It's on...

Dear Dan,

You have been one of my long-time supporters, so I wanted you to be one of the first to know of a major step I have taken toward running for President of the United States in 2012.

Tonight during an appearance on the Fox News Channel, I announced that I established a Presidential Testing-the-Waters effort, which will allow me to begin the process of raising the funds necessary to consider a formal candidacy. And the reason I have done this is simple: In 2008 Americans wanted a president who they could believe in, but after two years they realized that what they needed is a president who believes in them.

It's time for America to be America again — an America that rewards innovation and hard work, that stands by our allies instead of our enemies, that protects even the most vulnerable of our society, and an America that says every life is to be cherished. That’s what I believe in and that’s why I’m taking this next step in a possible run for president.

...the sheets, bedspread, the pillowcases, the floors, etc. And Santorum has his very own website now. And remember, kids: You can do your part to make America America again by always italicizing America.

America! America! America!

Comments (38) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

...that protects even the most vulnerable of our society...

Come on people! Yes, even them! Those undeserving, vulnerable, because...

It's time for America to be America again!
America! Aaaaamerrrriiicccaaaaa....

Posted by Beth on April 14, 2011 at 5:56 AM

That boilerplate email you got is like the frothy icing on the cake.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on April 14, 2011 at 6:13 AM

He says that every life should be cherished. So I assume that he is (1) against the death penalty, (2) against Guantanamo, and (3) against the wars in Libya, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Or does "every life" just mean those "lives" that are white or actually haven't breathed their own air yet?

Posted by infrequentposter on April 14, 2011 at 6:16 AM

I was hoping to get some, ah, frothingly 'creative' posts in to a Santorum blog/message board/whatever, but unfortunately it's just a fundraising site. Can't wait for the real one!

Posted by Lance Thrustwell on April 14, 2011 at 6:20 AM

AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

Posted by justicekid_2013 on April 14, 2011 at 6:28 AM

I hope you will be updating your own santorum site.

Posted by KCFrance on April 14, 2011 at 6:31 AM

Time for America to be America again...does he mean bringing it back to the way it was before we all immigrated here? Wouldn't that mean giving back the name "America," too? Doh, where are all you guys going to go?

Posted by Canuck on April 14, 2011 at 6:34 AM

"wesbite"
*website
This blind monkey gets a banana.

Posted by venomlash on April 14, 2011 at 6:45 AM

@5: Don't stop there!

America, Fuck Yeah
by Trey Parker

America...
America...
America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it's the dream that we all share; it's the hope for tomorrow

FUCK YEAH!

McDonalds, FUCK YEAH!
Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!
The Gap, FUCK YEAH!
Baseball, FUCK YEAH!
NFL, FUCK, YEAH!
Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH!

FUCK YEAH!

Starbucks, FUCK YEAH!
Disney world, FUCK YEAH!
Porno, FUCK YEAH!
Valium, FUCK YEAH!
Reeboks, FUCK YEAH!
Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH!
Sushi, FUCK YEAH!
Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH!
Rodeos, FUCK YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)

Liberty, FUCK YEAH!
White Slips, FUCK YEAH!
The Alamo, FUCK YEAH!
Band-aids, FUCK YEAH!
Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH!
Christmas, FUCK YEAH!
Immigrants, FUCK YEAH!
Popeye, FUCK YEAH!
Democrats, FUCK YEAH!
Republicans (republicans)
(fuck yeah, fuck yeah)
Sportsmanship
Books

Posted by saxfanatic on April 14, 2011 at 6:47 AM

@8 The pain and humiliation of sexlexia is no laughing matter, venomlash. And blind monkeys don't eat bananas, for the love of God, they live on jagerbombs and cocktail peanuts.

Posted by Canuck on April 14, 2011 at 6:55 AM

Get back to updating the spreading santorum website :)

Posted by tigntink on April 14, 2011 at 6:56 AM

Oh Dan-

Is there no end to your incredible cleverness?

There you have it,
an email from Rick to you;
Frothy Fecal Boy,
with your very name on it!

Wow.

You sure have punked Rick bigtime !

For a meaningless cipher of a troll to get the object of your obsession to call you by name - well - that must have been some creampie for you, eh sweetie?

All of DanFandom is soooo happy for you on your Big Day....

Posted by . on April 14, 2011 at 6:57 AM

I think I prefer "wesbite".

Posted by SCalmlyW on April 14, 2011 at 6:59 AM

Need to do some serious search engine optimization (SEO in the web trade) to Dan's site to keep it on top of the Google charts. The SLOG can help with lots of links.... like this one! http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/

Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber

on April 14, 2011 at 6:59 AM

3

perhaps he means the lives of those who have not brutally murdered someone....

Posted by Kill the Babies! Coddle the Murders!! the Liberal Way... on April 14, 2011 at 7:02 AM

I think Santorum's website would look smashing with some brown frothy Flash animation....

Posted by StuckInUtah on April 14, 2011 at 7:03 AM

When is the spreading santorum website update coming?

Posted by silvertears on April 14, 2011 at 7:07 AM

Do people always do this exploratory committee/test the waters bullshit? I thought I remembered people just saying they were running.

@8&10 A very sexy learning disability http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX_4Q6WfZ…

Posted by bigdman on April 14, 2011 at 7:15 AM

@18 -- There's probably a tax dodge in it. (the exploratory committee, not the sexlexia)

Posted by MythicFox on April 14, 2011 at 7:24 AM

Dan, Take down the link to his website. He doesn't need any attention from us ... Direct people instead to the spreading santorum website (if it's up and running??) or previous comments abut spreading santorum. So much more entertaining!

Posted by Nancy S on April 14, 2011 at 7:48 AM

I knew that line sounded familiar. I wouldn't have taken Mr. Frothy Mixture for a Langston Hughes fan, though:

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

More...

Posted by willendorf on April 14, 2011 at 8:11 AM

I really think the slogan should've been, "Make America America America Again". Soooo much more patriotic.

Posted by planned barrenhood on April 14, 2011 at 8:16 AM

@21, you beat me to it. I was gonna say- you know what's actually good? That L. Hughs poem.

Posted by drivel on April 14, 2011 at 8:18 AM

@21: Thank you willendorf, that was beautiful.

Posted by Lissa on April 14, 2011 at 8:20 AM

Def time to update spreading santorum!!! What's the hold up? Surely there are like a million TSARY dying to be involved....

Posted by bodhirungus on April 14, 2011 at 8:22 AM

In 2008 Americans wanted a president who they could believe in, but after two years they realized that what they needed is a president who believes in them.

What a fucking crock of baloney. Santorum is in Corporate America's pocket so deep that he'll never be able to rid himself of lint. He does love that pocket change though. So, yeah, Rick, you tell me how you'll be all for the working man while I scan your voting record, you cheese-ball weasel.

Posted by Bauhaus I on April 14, 2011 at 8:23 AM

"Dear Dan,

You have been one of my long-time supporters, so I wanted you to be one of the first to know of a major step I have taken toward running for President of the United States in 2012."

I think it's fucking hilarious that nobody in the campaign, after everything, after spreadingsantorum.com, after all the karma he brought back on himself via Dan, after all Ricky's whining that Dan was being mean to him -- that nobody in Santorum's campaign thought for a *second* to remove Dan's name and email address from whatever database they were working from.

Posted by skyweaver on April 14, 2011 at 8:38 AM

@27, I thought the same, and wondered if Dan's just using an alias, but in all probability, Santorum's staffers are too stupid to purge the list of "Dan Savage" and his email, dan@spreadingsantorum.com

Yes, an excellent punk, but the ultimate one? I think not, this joke has much more to give...

Posted by Lose-Lose on April 14, 2011 at 9:11 AM

PS= more importantly, spreadingsantorum needs to be updated, post-haste!

Posted by Lose-Lose on April 14, 2011 at 9:14 AM

HA! "possible run"

Posted by Cap'm Seymore on April 14, 2011 at 9:58 AM

Hey Rick, did you find the solution to that Santorum Google problem you were talking about a month or so ago?

Posted by despicable me on April 14, 2011 at 10:06 AM

Heh. Thinkprogress: http://t.co/FRQCNOe (what @21 said)

Posted by BEG

on April 14, 2011 at 10:13 AM

Why does it sound like he's describing a Progressive candidate? "...rewards innovation and hard work..." needs extensive economic regulation (living-wage minimum wage, health care, job protection, non-discrimination policies, etc.) that forces companies to actually pay people what they're worth. "...stands by our allies instead of our enemies..." requires working with organizations like NATO and the UN instead of taking unilateral action (violent or not) in foreign countries, which Obama's mostly been doing, and which Bush did not. "...that protects even the most vulnerable of our society..." requires lots of public-sector spending on social welfare programs, which, if we're going to stop our massive deficit spending, requires increasing revenues by massively increasing taxes on those with money to tax i.e. wealthy people and corporations. "...an America that says every life is to be cherished," is code for anti-abortion, I'm sure, but taken honestly it means he's anti-war and anti-death-penalty; it also strongly implies that quality-of-life, for every life (including those lazy poor people and criminal immigrants and Muslims/terrorists and faggots), is an important issue, as I don't really think something is "cherished" if you toss it in the gutter without a second thought. Is Santorum a closet progressive? Or is he just lying his ass off, hoping no one will think too hard about the actual policy implementations of those high-minded platitudes?

Posted by John Horstman on April 14, 2011 at 10:53 AM

Translation:

"...rewards innovation and hard work..." - Doesn't tax rich people

"...stands by our allies instead of our enemies..." - Supports Israel and hates Islam

"...that protects even the most vulnerable of our society..." - Opposes abortion

"...an America that says every life is to be cherished," - No, really opposes abortion

Posted by Backyard Bombardier on April 14, 2011 at 11:30 AM

ricksantorum.com/explore/

Pardon me if I don't particularly want to "explore".

Posted by Sili on April 14, 2011 at 2:04 PM

santorum.
goo. (gle)

I giggled.

Posted by Rach3l on April 14, 2011 at 4:22 PM

@34 -- Well said.

As an aside, when I read "Fighting to make America America again," I get flashbacks of Robocop 2 and "Make 'Made in America' mean something again," said by both the drug czar and the evil CEO.

Posted by MythicFox on April 14, 2011 at 7:43 PM