Slog
News & ArtsWednesday, April 13, 2011
Religion School District Responds to Christians Angry About "Spring Spheres"
Posted by Dominic Holden on Wed, Apr 13, 2011 at 6:33 PM
As we now know, Seattle Public Schools refuses to call them "Easter Eggs" (preferring the nonreligious, although geometrically misnamed, "Spring Spheres"), which has summoned the hellwrath of Christians.
Today school officials posted this announcement: "Seattle Public Schools has been receiving numerous questions regarding the District's policy on the celebration of religious holidays. We have a 'Religion and Religious Accommodation' policy, approved by the School Board in 1983, stating that 'no religious belief or non-belief should be promoted by the School District or its employees, and none should be disparaged.'"
So there you have it: Christians are pissed and schools won't budge on their policy. And yeah, yeah, they aren't really spherical, the policy is all well and good, and colored springtime eggs have been around forever... but still, they're Easter eggs.
2
I think if they can find the part in the bible where Jesus, before ascending to Heaven on the third day, hides dyed eggs in the shrubbery, then they should get to call them Easter eggs. But if they can't, they should be made to admit that eggs are a pagan fertility symbol of spring, along with fucking bunnies and may poles. Right?
4
None of you will be laughing when the snatched dead bodies are found all covered in webbing. THEN you'll wish you never saw those eggs.
5
I'm disgusted by this whole mess. The damned things are obviously ovoid.
Fuck me, this is all so stupid.
Fuck me, this is all so stupid.
6
I think this is probably safely in the realm of overly-PC bullshit.
But with the relentless crap conservative Christians have been pulling lately from defunding Planned Parenthood to canceling AIDS research to trying to reinstate DADT, I say let 'em have it. It's not like it really matters anyways.
But with the relentless crap conservative Christians have been pulling lately from defunding Planned Parenthood to canceling AIDS research to trying to reinstate DADT, I say let 'em have it. It's not like it really matters anyways.
8
@7- "Egg-shaped spheres"????!!!!???!!!!!
I'm sending demons through these tubes to punish you for that.
I'm sending demons through these tubes to punish you for that.
11
Um. Why not "Colored Eggs" or "Dyed Eggs?" I think some joker managed to pass off Spring Spheres and is laughing at all of us right now.
12
@2 But then they'd still be promoting the pagan religion of whoever the fuck, Canuck. Personally I'm aghast that the policy forbids the teaching of science (since the teaching of science inherently disparages religious belief, it just can't be helped).
13
Hmmm, true, OuterCow...I was just thinking generalized sperm and egg worship, but those gods have a way of making it all about them...and heh, the science thingy--good one! Hopefully they won't notice...
14
I demand the U.S. House of Representatives halt budget talks and shut down federal government to pass an emergency resolution that the name Easter Eggs can only be changed to Freedom Eggs. Or Ronald Reagan Memorial Eggs.
15
don't get it twisted. they're not fucking easter eggs unless the fucking easter bunny brings em. heathens.
16
Why not "Easter eggs"? We can acknowledge that some of what are now our secular traditions came from religious traditions without necessarily "promoting" anything. I'm an atheist, but I celebrate Easter by decorating eggs, and I celebrate Christmas by giving my friends gifts. What's the big fucking deal?
17
@13 Actually Canuck, I'd love some fundie kid with dreams of lawyerdom to sue them over it. T'would be hilarious.
19
I like just "dyed eggs," but if we want to get technical, I think "spring fertility fetishes" would be most accurate.
23
My darling Jon always called 'em "Passova ova". He was Reform verging on heathen, the delicious man.
24
It's silly, but if it irritates the Christians that get irritated by things like this, I'm all for it. Bring on the spring spheres, I'll cook up a big spring ham on the after next Saturday.
25
Oh Lissa, are you out there?? I have a new avatar for you!
http://www.easterdecorations.zlinf.com/w…
Easter humour:
http://www.jasonchatfield.com/blog/image…
Not funny at all:
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9G…
That is all.
http://www.easterdecorations.zlinf.com/w…
Easter humour:
http://www.jasonchatfield.com/blog/image…
Not funny at all:
http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9G…
That is all.
27
Is this some kind of Revenge of Scientism for the people getting burned at stakes for saying the planets moved ellipses around the sun instead of them moving around the Earth in perfect Celestial Spheres?
28
Christians have been commodifying pagan traditions and symbols for literally millenia, then get huffy when someone else commodifies them back.
Typical...
Typical...
30
Reform verging on humanist, Gus, not heathen. We Reform aren't religious enough to be heathen.
Christians, get ova it.
Christians, get ova it.
31
Joke's on the fucking Christians. Bunnies & eggs are pagan symbols of spring's re-birth.
Still, anything that pisses off the Krazy Kristians is a-okay in my book.
Still, anything that pisses off the Krazy Kristians is a-okay in my book.
37
My first thought was that this is completely ridiculous.
My second thought was that if it pisses off the fundies, then all the better. "Spring Spheres" it is!
My second thought was that if it pisses off the fundies, then all the better. "Spring Spheres" it is!
39
Normally I hate this sort of PC-lingoism.
But yeah, if it pisses off the Christian Taliban, bring it on.
But yeah, if it pisses off the Christian Taliban, bring it on.
40
If the person who came up with the term "spring spheres" was serious, they deserve the wrath of these fundie loons, misguided though it may be.
On the other hand, if they did it as some kind of commentary on PC absurdity vs religious absurdity and managed to pass it off as if they were serious, then they deserve our quiet admiration.
On the other hand, if they did it as some kind of commentary on PC absurdity vs religious absurdity and managed to pass it off as if they were serious, then they deserve our quiet admiration.
41
Jesus fucking Christ...just call them Easter Eggs. Who the FUCK cares about this anyway?!?!?
Doesn't our school board have more pressing issues to deal with?
Doesn't our school board have more pressing issues to deal with?
42
I thought this was a two-weeks-late April fools post for a second. Spring Spheres - that's hilarious. What's do Easter eggs have to do with the public school system anyway?
43
Yes, time lord, the school board does have better things to do. But in government, when a bunch of idiots get worked up over somdthing inane, you have to drop whatever important, productive thing you are doing and reply to them, lest you be accused of being "unresponsive".
44
I didn't read every comment but isn't anyone outraged that the school system can't teach geometry? An egg is approximately spherical but it is not a sphere. They should've gone all the way and called them Spring Prolate Ellipsoids.
That aside, they sound like Berkeley and they don't deserve to sound like Berkeley.
That aside, they sound like Berkeley and they don't deserve to sound like Berkeley.
45
@19 - I am hosting a Seder and will now have to hand out "spring fertility fetishes" before the macaroons and afikomen. :-D
46
Calling an Easter egg what it is in no way goes against their policy. This agnostic casts his meaningless vote in favor of sanity .
48
Wait, Easter Eggs are laid by a bunny? I thought that the Jesus ghost laid them after he emerged from the cave. Am I completely confused, or did Jesus emerge from the cave as a bunny, and not a ghost?
50
http://uncrate.com/men/images/2011/04/ch…
Easter is the name of the pagan goddess of spring, who FYI, was born of a virgin birth.
Easter is the name of the pagan goddess of spring, who FYI, was born of a virgin birth.
51
Lissa, the feeling is mutual, dearest!
And I'm just remembering this funny story by Wade Rouse about the way his father hid the family Easter eggs...thought just tucking them into the bushes was too easy, so he buried them in the yard. Cracks me up.
And I'm just remembering this funny story by Wade Rouse about the way his father hid the family Easter eggs...thought just tucking them into the bushes was too easy, so he buried them in the yard. Cracks me up.
52
There's a commercial right now, for I don't remember what, in which the dad paints the eggs in camouflage colors, and sits back while all the children scream with frustration. When his daughter finally finds one he is quite put out.
54
everyone knows that the 'jessica' call was bullshit in the firstplace, right?
but please carry on.
but please carry on.
55
Easter falls on the first Sunday following the first full moon following the first day of spring. It involves rabbits and eggs. But it has nothing to do with vernal fertility rites, so Stop Saying That!
56
true story.
Unbeknown to my parents my brother got up before the rest of us, found ALL the Easter eggs, and peeled them ALL open to see if they were chocolate. Disappointed, he threw the hard boiled refuse over the fence into our nieghbors yard. Then when we got up and gathered with all our cousins to search the yard, fruitlessly, found nothing, he finally told us:
"Those was just fucking regular shitty eggs. This whole thing is a scam."
Unbeknown to my parents my brother got up before the rest of us, found ALL the Easter eggs, and peeled them ALL open to see if they were chocolate. Disappointed, he threw the hard boiled refuse over the fence into our nieghbors yard. Then when we got up and gathered with all our cousins to search the yard, fruitlessly, found nothing, he finally told us:
"Those was just fucking regular shitty eggs. This whole thing is a scam."
57
As an agnostic dad of a Seattle Public School second grader I can tell you:
A) They've never done any Easter crap at my kid's school.
B) If they did, I'd be delighted if they left out the word "Easter."
C) "Jessica", the radio show she called, and the hack who wrote it up and called it news ought to all be tarred, feathered, and rode out of town on a rail, then that rail should be placed on a boat bound for Uganda. Then it should be nuked from orbit, because that is the only way to be safe.
A) They've never done any Easter crap at my kid's school.
B) If they did, I'd be delighted if they left out the word "Easter."
C) "Jessica", the radio show she called, and the hack who wrote it up and called it news ought to all be tarred, feathered, and rode out of town on a rail, then that rail should be placed on a boat bound for Uganda. Then it should be nuked from orbit, because that is the only way to be safe.
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