At the center of everything: Joe Francis, the sleazebag founder of Girls Gone Wild who's facing a federal civil lawsuit filed by four young women who claim they were unwillingly filmed for a Girls Gone Wild video when they were underage—allegations Francis will defend himself against by serving as his own lawyer.

According to Joe Francis's official press releases, his experiments in attorneyism were going swimmingly:

Francis, looking less like a defendant and more like a lawyer, continues to defend himself by cross-examining the 4 women about whether or not they had ever actually met him....One by one the women took the stand, each reciting a seemingly coached recollection of what allegedly happened to them before, during and after appearing in Girls Gone Wild videos filmed during Spring Break 2002-2003.

But then there were the official reports of Panama City, Florida's WMBB News....

Despite repeated warnings he’d be held in contempt, Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis continued to represent himself in Federal court Wednesday....Francis was late to court, and was told he’d be fined if it happened again. Before the proceedings even started, he walked out of the courtroom cursing.

Federal Judge Richard Smoak had to tell Francis to calm himself several times during the first half of the day Wednesday. Although he does not have a law degree, Francis is representing himself at the trial. He did not submit a witness or evidence list at the proper time, and therefore has limited his case to cross examinations so far.

For a taste of Francis's courthouse demeanor, here's a news report from WMBB, in which he tastefully labels his accusers "white-trash, trailer-trash whores."

I'd like to remind readers that these alleged trailer-trash whores were allegedly underage when Francis produced video images of them naked. I'd also like to point out that Francis is facing judgment from a jury drawn from these underage whores' community (which Francis has described as "good-old-boy"), and that all seven of the jurors are women.

Francis' official statement:

"I respect this judge, I have trust in this jury, and I have a particular fondness for Lady Justice.”

BREAKING NEWS! Cokey Joe is no longer representing himself! Take it away, WMBB:

During proceedings Thursday,, Judge Richard Smoak was informed that Francis was no longer representing himself and had retained the services of a husband and wife team of attorneys from here in Panama City.

For his previous fake-lawyer shenanigans, Francis was cited for contempt of court and fined $2,500.

Stay tuned!