This just in! Unfortunately, it looks like we're in for five more years of The Sorcery War. Thanks a lot, Obama.

[all sic] New threat comes to Dan Akroyd, from the Skulls and Crossbones sorcery gang out of Yale University: who has reported to being working with Bill Gates of MIcrosoft in these threats of cancers and heart attacks. Reports also teach that Bill Gates and members of their gang, paid Obama 100 million dollars to keep The Sorcery War going until the 2016 presidency for which Bill Gates would like to run for. Dan Akroyd, was threatened do to defending himself from this sorcery gang. This gang, is reported to murdering Micheal Jackson, Elizabeth Taylor, Cory Haim, Manut Bol, Britney Murphy, Leslie Neilson, Tony Curtis, Patrick Swayze and more using sorcery sickness attacks.